Seventh Heaven

When I was about 11 weeks pregnant with Row, we went on a day trip to Kirkland (a city about three hours away from us). The first trimester was really emotionally intense for me. I would have awful dreams at night of holding our dead child in my arms and wake up sobbing uncontrollably. I also started having anxiety and panic attacks one of which happened on this day trip. I can't remember exactly what triggered that attack, I think something in our conversation about me having a miscarriage.  It was intense enough that I had to pull over because I was hyperventilating so badly that I started to black out. As Sel got out of the car to come to he driver's side, I had this really clear image of a young man saying "Mom, it's going to be okay. You're okay.". 

I didn't share it with Sel at the time because we were both a little drained after the attack. We didn't know the sex of the baby yet so I also didn't want to say something and have it be totally out in left field. I still remember so clearly the love I heard attached to the word "mom" when this young man said it. It held such weight and instantly comforted me. After finding out Row was a boy, I was convinced the moment in the car wasn't just from a moment of oxygen deprivation. I have become even more convinced that it was Rowan comforting me since I have had the opportunity to get to know this little boy over the past seven months. 

The beginning of February Rowan came down with a nasty virus that kept both of us exhausted and miserable. I ended up getting whatever he had and couldn't swallow worth anything. I was trying to convince Rowan to take a nap with me on one of those tiring days and Rowan was fighting it. I buried my face in the pillow and started crying, which shockingly hasn't happened much since he was born. Rowan instantly stopped fussing and started grabbing at me. When I rolled over to look at him, he had this intense look of worry that made me feel guilty for causing him distress. He then rolled as close to me as he could and wrapped those chubby baby arms of his around my neck. He started softly patting the tears on my cheeks while nuzzling into my face. It was such a sweet, tender moment that couldn't stop more tears from silently streaming down into those perfect hands of his.  Rowan can have moments where he likes to cuddle, but he mostly wants to be on the move 24-7. Having him hold me in his own little way for those few minutes  was hugely significant. 

I share these moments because this month Rowan has become more difficult, but this sweet side is still the dominating part of his character. When he throws temper tantrums,( who knew seven month olds could throw temper tantrums?) he follows it by doing something so heart-wrenchingly sweet that I am blinded to the last few hours of difficulty. 

When I pictured my children, I always envisioned them when they were already small children or even teenagers. I don't know why, but I just didn't picture my future offspring as babies. I think part of that was I didn't really think that babies could have much personality. Babies developed personality through years of nurturing and different circumstances. It is so amazing to see that Rowan came with his own sweet, determined, and active personality. Even his birth should have clued me in that this kid is as far from being a push-over as anyone probably can be. He also came with an intense interest in others. I honestly didn't think this was possible of such a tiny human. I was looking at pictures of Row in the hospital and there he is staring up at anyone who is holding him with a loving, intense interest in them. I have seen this caring, kind side of him grow over the last seven months. I have seen the beginnings of that young man who comforted me while carrying him. I feel that same weighted love when I hear Rowan say "momma" over and over agin while staring delightedly at my face. 

I just feel so grateful everyday that this perfect soul chose this imperfect woman to be his mom. 

Happy seven months Rowboat! 

Hanging with his cute friend Addie

He loves to push both legs against me and "mountain goat" as I like to call it. He will essentially just stand on my chest and demand I walk him around while keeping my upper torso stable

We went to the firefighter museum in Toledo. During prime nap time of course.

A new outfit from his Ukranian sister

He LOVES these carts at the store. I feel bad using them up when someone with two kids or twins might come in, but it makes shopping a hundred times easier when he is happy. 

Baby yoga. He'll hate me for more than just naked internet bum shots someday 

Cupid's Day

I know Valentines Day is a somewhat commercialized holiday, but I love it. Sue me. I grew up with a father who I used to mumble about giving me unrealistic expectations of what to expect in a future spouse. I could always count on chocolate and other goodies for the holiday. Give me chocolate and I will celebrate anything happily. I might even just celebrate the existence of chocolate as a holiday unto itself. 

Anyway, along came Sel and showed me he was actually more my father's son than I am his daughter. This whole week all I wanted to do for Sel was show him how much I appreciate and love him. I have felt like a big, fat failure of a wife since Rowan arrived. I spend way less time doing nice things for him and way more time requesting nice things from him. I remember learning in a psychology class in college that husbands typically report a dip in martial satisfaction after having a baby.  When I first learned that I was like, "I will never let that happen. I'll make sure my husband knows how loved he is. He'll report to whomever reports stats like these that he has actually had an increase in martial satisfaction since the baby because his smokin hot wife always has her A game on for him. " Sel has probably been privy to mostly my C- , maybe a solid C , game since October 2013.

Thanks to the Black Plague sapping any extra time and energy I might have had in the month of February, I came up with pretty much nothing for today. I keep doing the same thing over and over for every holiday, birthday and anniversary for Sel and it isn't even close to his love language. He appreciates it and all, but I know getting slammed with little love notes over and over just doesn't send him over the moon. Nerf used to be my go to, but we miraculously have reached an acceptable level of plush weaponry for his taste.   I resolved to just be sooooo happy all day long. 

At 5AM this morning, my plan went down in flames. Rowan woke up and was just not taking the bait to go back to sleep. After 45 minutes I was unhappily realizing I would be starting my day. Sel came in and tried to take Rowan so I could go back to bed for a bit. I was somewhere past the point of no return when he came in. I kept telling him to go back to bed because it was valentines day and I had this under control. He finally just snatched Row from me and headed downstairs while I dissolved into a frustrated, pathetic mess of tears. He hollered at me to go back to bed and I just sat there and cried for a few minutes before I finally crawled back under the covers. I woke up at 9:30am feeling amazing. My happiness slowly disappated  with every step I took downstairs as a sense of failure seeped into my now rested bones. I knew that today wasn't vitally important to either Sel or I, but I had really wanted to be a super awesome wife for at least 24 hours and I had already demoted myself before the sun was even up. 

Row was snoozing in his carseat and Sel was sprawled uncomfortably on the couch. It was almost too  much for me to handle when I spotted the strawberries and flowers waiting for me on the table. I apologized profusely and Sel, per usual, brushed it off acting like I was still great. He told me I hadn't been getting any sleep and it was totally understandable. I reminded him that he has gotten significantly less sleep than me in the past two weeks and is still his usual optimistic, considerate self.    I was trying to not be a debbie downer swimming around in my sad failure in front of him, but I couldn't help it.. I just wanted to give him one day of me in a stellar mood and there we were sitting in roles that have become weather worn over the past year. Sel in his comforter chair and me in my apologetic recliner. 

Sel finally got me to read his card and one if he things he said quieted me down. 

We've had loads of good times over the past five years with only the rarest of rare moments when we are tired or hungry when the whole world feels like it's falling apart. However, it never does. May we forever be well rested, well fed, and just as in love as the day we knelt at the alter. 

I looked up at Sel who was bouncing our blue-eyed baby boy on his leg and felt a rush of joy. The man sitting in front of me really, really knows me. This man who knows what I am like at my very worst and at my very best is still sitting across me with that look of love in his eyes. He didn't criticize me for not making him a gourmet breakfast or surprising him with the perfect gift. I gaurantee he won't even remember the disagreement we had this morning because it isn't in his nature to hang on to things like that. He's so much like a child in all the ways children are wonderful. He's quick to forget bad moments, easily amused and entertained, and happy as long as his basic needs for survival are being met. 

We didn't go out to a fancy dinner, have some coveted one-on-one time, or go on a fun date like we have in the past, but somehow this felt like the most romantic of Valentine's Days yet. 

These don't exactly go along with the post, but they are some of my fav outtakes from today.

Paper is sooo good. Just trust me on this. 

That face though...

Matching Avenger shirts at the grocery store. 

Half Birthday

My little Rowboat is 6 months! Holy Hannah that went fast. Where does he even get off thinking he can be half a year already.

Rowan has recently mastered sitting up and out-of-water swimming. He will lay on his tummy looking at an object he wants then furiously pump his arms and legs up and down determined to swim to it. This technique hasn't worked quite yet, but he's certain enough for the both of us that it will soon. 

He is seriously such a happy kid. He has a way better personality than I ever have. He smiles at anyone who will look his way and sometimes I catch him just smiling at random objects like they are B.F.F's.  He adores his own reflection and other babies. The other day at Kroger there was a life sized picture of a baby on the wall and he started babbling up a storm and even let out a little laugh while trying to touch the ad. His laugh, by the way, may very well be the best sound that has ever echoed across this universe. His baby blues  and toothy grin tend to get complimented the most when we are out and about. He manages to express so much with those sparkling eyes of his. He so often exudes this complete adoration of life itself. He thinks every person who looks at him is the most spectacular thing he has ever seen. He is such a delightful, delicious little thing that is teaching me how to be a better person everyday. 

He hit a crazy growth spurt last month. He was barely fitting in 12 month clothing one week and seven days later, 18 months was the new norm. It's kind of frustrating to find clothes for him at this stage because he loves the comfy clothes typical for a lad his age, but I have been want to find much. They seriously should make a baby big and tall store for all the babes who missed the memo on being averagely sized. He is now 21 pounds and 28 inches long. The nurse just laughed while taking his height exclaiming all the while how tall he was. Ironically, he wasn't off the charts for height as he has been in previous months and was in the 93% instead. I mostly just wanted someone to tell me I was justified in moaning a bit about how heavy the kid is. I don't exactly have room to complain, however, because there a few kiddos younger than him who are almost the exact same size. Still….shouldn't they start walking by now? Toting his 21 pounds plus an infant carrier around better darn well leave me crazy ripped instead of crippled. 

Row has been loving going to the daycare at the gym for an hour or so everyday. The staff is phenomenal and so incredibly sweet. I was hesitant at first about leaving him with strangers and a room full of other random kids, but then I creepily spied on them the first day and saw how attentive and loving they were with him. He spends most of the time observing the other kids and trying to swim to them on the floor. He also has started to sign milk back to me when I ask him if that's what he wants.

What else? Well this last week has been a pretty crappy one. Rowan came down with a fever on Sunday and has been up and down the health scale since then. The first two days were miserable. He felt horrible and couldn't sleep longer than twenty minutes at a time. One night I alternated between laying on the floor with him to letting him sleep on me in the rocking chair. It was rough stuff, but I definitely felt some divine help chugging me along so I could care for the poor sickie. I also had an awesome friend show up at my door with some much needed and appreciated caffeine. 

Being a parent has given me a lot of time to reflect on my upbringing. I never comprehended the sacrifices my parents had to make to raise me. You don't see the run ragged side of parenting until you are there yourself. Parents, my parents, really are some of the most heroic people I know. 

I also see everyone in a whole different light. Everyone I meet has a mother who once held them the way I hold Rowan. I can't stop myself from imaging every grocery store clerk, crazy Toledo driver, or    even TV characters as the babies they once were. It makes me want to hug way more people than I ever would have wanted to before Row got here. 

Motherhood really is a roller coaster ride. One second I am questioning how I will make it another hour and then the next , I want nothing more than to suspend time and live this same moment over and over. I am so grateful to have scored such an excellent theme park partner. Sel is usually the only reason I have at least a semblance of sanity intact.

Keeping it warm and real in Sel's coat

This is a cropped down picture of the cutest little cousins on the Warden dads shoulders. I cropped it so you could see how chubs Row looks with that double chin for the win

Row adored his first time swimming. He was so wiggly while I tried to get a swim diaper on him because all he wanted was to get in that giant body of water RIGHT now. I seriously don't know how I would survive without all the fun playdates all my mom friends do during the week. We are friends with some fantastic people who always seem game for something to relieve the gloom of Toledo winters. 

He was very intrigued by the giant yellow slide. 

Sometimes I have no idea how he can open that little mouth of his SO big. I think he is always hoping someone will throw a piece of food in there for him

Row is usually always smiling and happy, but this captured how miserable the poor little guy was this whole week. The first three days he barely ate or slept. We bought a little medicine dropper and put expressed drops of milk in his mouth so he wouldn't get dehydrated. He finally started to be his bubbly self for a few hours each day, but is still not fully recovered. Bleh. 

He insisted on clipping his own talons

He LOVED this baby doll. He wanted nothing to do with the light up balls once he saw this little mini me. 

Row has been trying to scuba dive in the tub lately which usually ends with him choking on a mouthful of water and me having a mini panic attack. We found this duck tub that is supposed to help babies transition to the big tub and it has been a raving success. 

High Five

Rowan turned five whooping months old on Christmas. Get the kid a walker and some dentures already (it's comical because he actually does need a walker to go anywhere and is toothless).

This is the first month where life doesn't feel like a sweet, yet chaotic blur. Every month I have sat, or rather laid, Rowan down and told him to just stop growing. Every stage he has entered so far has been "my favorite" and it is so true of this new favorite of 5 months. The wise words of The Deids have been eerily accurate in predicting that every stage is the best stage. 

Row is the sweetest little thing. He's really been working on his cankles and harms (where your hands and forearms become one pudgy roll of kissable baby fat). Rowan prefers to sit forward opposed to sitting up. I will plop him on his bottom and he will typically last a few seconds before he lunges for an object. He does a lot of face planting these days. He has become a stellar eater (finally) and seems to understand when I sign "milk" because he will then face plant into my chest and gnaw at my shirt. 

I would give him a B- on sleep lately. I can't blame the kid for not being great at this lately since we flew and drove him all over the place for two solid weeks. I will, however, give him a giant A+ for liking to sleep in. He usually will sleep until 8:30am most mornings. Yee freaking ha! 

Rowan sort of reminds me of a little dog sometimes. The other day Sel and I were eating in the same room as him and he just looked at our bowls of soup and whined until I gave him a piece of a sweet potato. This morning we had German pancakes with banana and he commenced his usual whining. Being the coolest mom around, I let him hold my empty plate. He did his usual, face planted the plate and then stuck his little tongue out and started licking the whole thing. 

He is such a happy, delightful kiddo. He loves to smile at other people and now will laugh when I make noises or funny faces. I finally have someone who thinks I am marginally hilarious. I can really get him to laugh at anything I do when he is tired. Who knew babies could be slap happy? He is almost always in a cheerful mood and always wants to move. He likes to kick his legs back and forth when we hold him face forward and when he lays in his tummy. He also has become a sweet smuggler (it autocorrected snuggler to this and I like it too hmuch to change it. He just can't help but smuggle all those illegal cans of green beans to his cronies). He likes to lay his head on my chest or stroke my cheek when he is tired and it melts my heart every time. 

It was so nice to be around family for two solid weeks and to see Row interact with all of his cuzzies. He starred in production of The Nativity that has since gone viral on YouTube (166 views as of this morning). Now Pampers and Gerber won't stop calling begging me to let him act in a commercial. 

I was telling Sel the other day that pretty much everything seems to get harder when you have a kid. Personal hygiene (showering, brushing your teeth), cooking, eating, sleeping, driving, thinking . Yet everything in the world also seems so much better. Rowan is the only person I've met who doesn't care if I have morning breath, haven't showered and am a hot mess. He still smiles at me like I am the greatest person on the planet. Man, I love that mini hunk so, so SO much. 

I know Rowan is the star, but here's what his "extras" will be up to in 2015

Sel: will be taking the STEP the middle of June. He will now be married to studying and Row and I will be his secret side life he tries to hide from his new bride. All joking aside, he already does a stellar job of making sure we know we rank number one on his list of priorities. 

Moi: Sel and I both gave up sugar for 2015 and are "sort of" eating a plant based, whole food diet. It sounds more hippie than it actually is. Anyway, high five to myself for making it 12 days so far. Not even sure if I resisted sugar for even12 hours last year.  I also am desperately wanting to finally do a sprint triathlon and will hopefully also score a good half marathon in May.
Photo Explosion

Can I get a hand over on aisle 3 please?

Just a glimpse of how much his cousin liked giving him a pony ride

Christmas morning (Offish five month bday). He was super tired and a bit cranky during present opening. I am sure he will love it more next year 

My super awesome sis-in-law gave me a pug onsie that is my favorite thing in the world

SO many King family babies have eaten from this highchair. It dates back to the good old days of when Row's grandpa was a baby. 

Christmas morning with the cuzzies

He looooved this exersaucer at Babie-R-Us. I have become a bit bummed at how quickly he gets bored with things lately. He loved his exersaucer before Christmas and now only enjoys it for a max of ten minutes . He also recognizes toys now and will just ignore ones he has played with too frequently in the past

How meals get prepared lately since the exersaucer has now been dubbed the lamersaucer. 

Four to Score

So...I missed the four month mark by a bit. Whoops. I am sure anyone who reads this has simply been glued to their electronic device constantly hitting refresh since November 25th waiting for  me to post. I can almost guarantee Rowan will not ever care to read anything about his baby days considering he is Sel's clone and Sel is nostalgic once in a blue moon. I really have started to wonder lately if Sel produced Rowan via parthenogenesis and I actually had a sympathetic pregnancy. Not only does Rowan take after Sel in every physical way possible (minus the chin. That King chin snuck it's way in there) his personality is scary similar.

Right now Rowan is crazy busy. Not being able to move is driving him bonkers and giving me an amazing daily arm and core workout. He recently has mistaken himself for an Olympic diver and tries to Kamikaze out of my arms all day long.  He can roll both ways ( tummy to back and back to tummy) and seems to graciously acknowledge my applause every time he rolls.
His true roots with food have finally started to peak through. He still is very particular about his drinking environment, but he will eat "grown up" food anywhere, anytime. Watching him eat rice cereal is hilarious. He has to grab my hand the whole time to make sure I am getting it in his mouth fast enough and he starts to whine when he realizes the bowl is almost empty. Another reason I know my genes are practically null and void in this kid are those lightening fast reflexes and fantastic coordination. If he wants a piece of food making it's way to my mouth, he will grab it before I even realize what is happening. I like to think he is trying to help me lose the baby weight.

Real quick blurb about that. I am hungry allll the freaking time. I ate a whole peck ( check out my fruit lingo y'all) of Empire apples last week. I am admitting to that food grievance because it makes me sound healthy when in reality I simultaneously ate  an entire White Chocolate Coconut bar from Aldi within ten minutes. Luckily I went ahead and shared part of it with the trash can instead of my hips. (Sorry mom and dad! Thanks so much though for always giving me my favorite treats even when I am chubby).

Rowan is still sleeping in two hour increments. He also is sleeping in our bed almost the whole night. Go ahead and guilt me up and down about co-sleeping. I welcome you to come and do said guilting tomorrow night and then you, me and Rowan can have an all night chat about me being the worst mom to walk the planet. We tried the cry it out method and it was brutal. I am not tired enough yet to watch my baby in such misery. I am amazed at how my body has adjusted to a perpetual lack of sleep. The more I have talked to other parents about sleeping the more I have realized most parents just aren't going to sleep until their kids head off to college. It's crazy to me that we've been having babies since the dawn of time and no one has all the answers on sleeping, nursing, and the general task of keeping offspring alive. I guess every baby is just totally different and comes with his or her own unique quirks. I am reading a book right now called the no tears sleep method and have already noticed a slight difference in Rowan's sleeping. So here's to hoping and praying sleep makes its way back into my daily schedule in 2015.

He can sort of hold himself up by himself. It scares the goodness out of me because he banged his head on his crib right after I took this. Kid has got places to be apparently

What else? Rowan is still topping the charts in height and earning a respectable B average for weight (85 percentile). I am refusing to give up on some of his 6-9 month clothes because I love some of them too much. Rowan hates me for it. He understandably protests every time I try to squeeze his head and arms into clothes that are too small. I'll admit I probably need to accept defeat and move solely to the 9-12 months. I will just have to pray for another XY to come our way for the next baby.

Overall,  four months has been pretty stellar. Rowan is such a good natured soul and the sweetest  baby. I constantly want to just squeeze him and kiss that expressive, handsome face of his.
And here's this month's photo dump!

We are terrible people for not sharing

His Thanksgiving feast of rice cereal. He was only slightly upset that it was gone. 

Best view in Chi town

His fav person is still Sel

Aunt Jess has scrumptious hair

Rowan is super into screens. He won't look at anything else if there is a screen in the near vicinity. Also, how cute his he with his gramps?

Seriously, this kid CANNOT sit still for a second. I am in for so much trouble 

He LOVES when we force him to stop moving. 

ahahahahaha

He has started to give some seriously sweet hugs and kisses lately. 

Rowan has a huge fat crush on this cutie. 

Zoo lights