Lyra's Birth Story

I know life is about to get cray-cray when we leave this hospital room and I doubt I'll have another time  over the next few weeks to really get all this down. We have a baby! A beautiful daughter! I still can't quite wrap my mind around it. Thankfully she was not the marathon birth her brother was which currently has her in the running for best baby. 

Thursday 06/09: We were supposed to report to the hospital that night at 7:30pm. Despite being overdue, I kept having this feeling I wasn't ready. I felt like I was forgetting something important to set up for my family to watch over Row. Rowan was acting oddly that day. Very apathetic my sister noted. I'd planned to just blow his toddler mind with all the fun things we would do on his last as an only child. He helped me make chocolate chip pancakes and we talked excitedly about the arrival of Aunt Sarah. Sel ended up taking the day off after his lecture which made the day seem even more exciting. Once Sar arrived, we headed to Imagination Station. Row continued to be off and wasn't excited by absolutely everything like he normally is. I think he could sense his life was about to be changed in a big way. During his nap, my angel of a friend insisted she give me one last preggo pedicure. I always feel super guilty watching my friend rub my feet, but she's someone I will happily let do so if it means I get to enjoy her company for an hour or two. One of the nurses actually complimented my friend's pedicure skills a the hospital. 

Right after we finished dinner, my sweet sister loaded the dishwasher. We were just about to head out the door when I noticed Row go into the kitchen and get really quiet. Usually a bad sign. I walked in to see him staring at a mountain of bubbles collecting outside the dishwasher. We'd bought "dishwashing" soap from Sam's a month or so again thinking it was, you know, for your dishwasher. Once we put it in and discovered it was a liar, we'd been storing what would now be our five year supply of dish soap under the sink. My thoughtful sis had been tricked by that dumb bottle too. It was a perfectly timed hysterical moment. Sel was a genius and detached a piece from our camelback to siphon out the suds onto some cookie trays. We needed to be at the hospital crazy soon and were nowhere near to getting there with the disaster. We put up a pile of towels in front of the dishwasher and prayed for the best. We made sure to grab last pregnancy ice-cream on our way there with all the time we had. It was worth it. 

Cleaning up the suds 

7:45pm - We show up to the hospital and they get us all set up in our room. I love it infinitely better than the one Row was born in because it has windows and seems cleaner somehow. Rowan runs around like a crazy person with my sister and I try to wrap my mind around the fact that a baby, OUR baby will be birthed in this room in the next day (hopefully not three). 

9:00pm- The resident comes in to check me and I'm at a 1 1/2cm still. She apologizes for having short fingers and having to really, really try to get to my posterior cervix. I tell her I'm grateful she doesn't have gorilla hands like the resident I had two years ago because that was awful. She inquires more about gorilla hands. They happen to be the best of friends because I'm an idiot and didn't connect the dots that he is obviously still a resident here. She tells me he is a wonderful father to four children and an excellent resident despite his hand situation. I continue to feel a chill settle in the room as I obviously am the worst person ever for not fully appreciating all that her best friend is. A med student that Sel knows is there and nice, albeit about to be super annoying. 

They jam the cervadil up there and tell me to rest up. Sel and Sarah leave with Row waaay past his bedtime. He's completely fine waving bye to me and blowing me a kiss. My worry about him missing me a bunch is obviously not a real concern. 

While they are gone I become super bitter that I am in the hospital hooked up to an IV, two monitors and KNOW I desperately need to sleep in order to have energy to push a baby out. I hate more than anything else having a site in. It seems silly, but it really is one of the most uncomfortable parts about both births. I have to pee every five seconds and need to unplug my posse of annoying beeping followers. I'm about to cry out of frustration when my RN friend from on high comes to visit. I feel like kissing her because she makes me so happy. It brought back the happy parts of Row's birth and made me feel like this wasn't going to be awful 

11:00pm- Sel comes back to stay the night with me. I'd originally insisted he and Sarah get some real rest at home, but I become grateful in a hurry he came back. He silences all the beeping and turns off all the screens. We both get ready for bed and hope we will get some sleep. 

11:30pm- I start to get what I feel like might be contractions. I've heard of people going into labor on cervadil, but am obviously not thinking it's going to happen to me because it didn't happen before. After  two uncomfortable hours, I download the contraction app I assumed I wouldn't have to (because I am again denied going into labor on my own). Sure enough I've started to have contractions about 2 minutes apart lasting 45 seconds-1 minute long. My app instructs me to head to the hospital. I want to punch it. The nurse and other people keep coming in. 

Friday 06/10

2:00am- I still can't sleep. Our med student comes in to ask if I want a popsicle. WHY would I want a popsicle at 2am? I understand she must be super bored since Sel has totally been there on the night shift, but I still want to tell her the only thing I want is for her to just get the sleep I'm missing out on in the on-call room. 

4:00am - I want to die because of my contractions, the constant peeing and beeping and vital sign taking and the fact that my site is still crazy uncomfortable. I also feel a lot of pressure to sleep and am stressing out more about the fact that I'm not. I buzz my nurse and ask for Nubain. She looks at me like I'm crazy because the monitor doesn't show any contractions despite my insistence I've had regular ones for hours now. She still delivers and I'm instantly more relaxed. 

7:00am- I'm staring at the window waiting for daylight to come and take this waste of a night off my hands. Sel has gotten maybe two hours of sleep and I've gotten essentially none. The Nubain was bliss, but the contractions were still strong enough to wake me up every time they hit. I try re-listening to my hypnobirthing relaxation track for the 16th time that night to pass the next two hours. 

9:00am- They come in to remove the cervadil. My new nurse updates them on my night and my complaint of light cramping throughout it which is why the Nubain was ordered. I glare at her for changing contractions to cramping. They check me and I pray I've made progress. THREE CENTIMETERS! I feel like cheering. The nurse stares at the monitor wondering why it didn't pick up the contractions. I want to dance around the room. I then remember how both my sister-in-laws started their most recent births at 3cm and it took me multiple hours of consistent contractions to get here. 3 cm could still mean a millennium until I see my baby girl. I morph back into my grouchy hospital self. I get to shower and eat some breakfast despite the fact that I really am not hungry and still having contractions every two minutes. I remember everyone saying how much warm water helps with contractions and look forward to spending the entire 30 minutes in there. The water doesn't seem to help at all and I just hate standing up through each contraction. 

9:30-11:00am- is sort of blurry. I remember being rude to Sel the entire time. He would try and talk me through contractions or touch me or whatever and I would get angry at him. I would then get angry with him at the next contraction when he wouldn't touch or talk to me. I have mini panic attacks every time I have to go to the bathroom in case a contraction hits while I'm on my way there. It doesn't help that I still have to unplug my hundred cords in order to make it to the bathroom. 

11:00am- I demand more Nubain. The nurse lets me know it gets less effect with each dose. I let her know at least I haven't asked for my epidural yet despite really, really wanting to. The Nubain helps. Sort of. Contractions are getting real and I am doubting my ability to go much longer without an epidural. No one has checked me so I have no idea if I'm still at 3cm with hundreds of contractions ahead or 8 cm and in transition. 

11:00am-1:30pm- Starting at 11, I make a goal to make it through 15 minutes of contractions. I reset my goal every 15 minutes to make it through another 15 minutes. I never really felt much with Rowan. I remember having some contractions, but I don't think they were particularly consistent and I never made it past 3cm without an epidural. Contractions are miserable. I was trying to think of ways to describe the sensation while going through them. It was like my stomach would start to inflate like a balloon (except more deflate I suppose). The contraction would start to come on and I would try and breathe deep and relax through it. Deep breathing only made it worse because it added pressure to my hard-as-steel stomach. How women do contractions for hours without medication blows my mind. Somehow closing my eyes and literally saying "Ow. Ouch. Owie" through each contraction seems to help. Sel is feeling distressed over not being able to help and me not letting him help at all. I feel weak and pathetic that I'm not handling this pain very well at all. At 1:30am, I plead for an epidural. 

1:30-2:00pm - Epidural or Happydural time. Bless the CNRA for being quick. I had 4 miiiiserable contractions while she was putting it in and was certain death was imminent. I became terrified while she got set up remembering stories of friends who've had really bad experiences with epidurals. Another contraction hits and I decide the risk is worth it. Another med student friend is in the room with us and I fear that he will judge Sel for marrying such a whimpering baby of a woman. 

2:40pm - The epidural is kicked in full force and I'm cracking jokes and looking at baby pictures with our med student friend. As our CNRA is leaving, I tell her I love her. I'm completely and deeply sincere when I utter those three words to her. I decide I will take a couple hour nap and hope I've progressed when I wake up. A resident checks me and I'm at 6cm! Yeah! The pain I was feeling really did mean something this time around. My nurse gets together the delivery stuff though I expect we won't need it for a few hours. She asks if she can lift my leg up on a stirrup with me turned to my side. I tell her she could literally do almost anything to me right now and I wouldn't care. I've entered the land of the overjoyed pregnant women and it's a beautiful place. After five minutes I ask her if I should feel a lot of pressure and an urge to push. She tells me that is normal and my pelvis is just widening to accommodate baby (little did I know I had seriously gone from 6cm to complete in about 5 minutes) The nurse tells me she paged the OB to come break my water and to expect a baby by 6:00pm!

3:00pm- The OB comes in and I love her right away. She is such a down-to-earth type of person despite giving a complete air of intelligence and competence. She decides to check me real quick before she puts the little hook up there and goes "You're complete!" I tell her she's a liar. She grabs a mirror and drags it over so I can see that my bag of water is literally hanging out of me. We all watch together as a contraction pushes the amniotic sac along with a little bit of Lyra's head out. I'm in disbelief. Not real. Can't be happening. We watch another painless contraction reveal her head again. We had sort of talked about Sel delivering her, but not really committed. The OB told Sel he should and I panic and tell him he better wash his hands because we are somehow having a baby RIGHT NOW. He got gowned up and my nurse, OB, and the med student shuffled around me. With Row I got to see in the mirror for maybe a minute before a hundred people blocked it during the delivery. This time is so calm, so peaceful comparatively. The OB makes sure I can see the whole time and walks Sel through the delivery. The med student offers to take pictures with Sel's phone and bless his little heart for doing so. I know people pay out the nose for birth photographers and we got some AMAZING shots from him for free. I love him. They tell me to push and I feel a little confused on what really to do. I scrunched my legs close to my chest and sort of breath through her counts despite totally breathing at my own rhythm instead of the steady counts of 10. Four "joke" pushes later and she pops right out. Watching in the mirror what happens down there is both incredible and terrifying. No wonder I'm sore down under. 

I tried to edit this, but I seriously think it is one of the coolest pictures from the whole birth. Sel is the best human alive 

3:24am- they place my beautiful, crying daughter on my chest. She cries a lot and louder than Row ever did. I worry this is a sign of her personality to come. It's so surreal that the baby that just came out is not Rowan. I love her instantly, but I also noticed a little less powerful feeling. She certainly seems smaller and is by about a half a pound (Lyra 8 lbs 6 0z compared to Rowan at 9 lbs), but the biggest difference I think is she's a little shorty compared to her bro. Rowan was 21.5 inches long which made him seem giant compared to her and she's a petite little 20 inches.  Once Row came out, I couldn't bare the thought of him not being with me the whole time. I don't know if it's just because she's our second, but I feel much more at ease with them checking her. I try to nurse her and she latches immediately. She calms down right away and we spend the next few minutes being in love. My family showed up about an hour afterward and Row wanted to hold her. He was so sweet, so gentle with her. He FREAKED out when my parents and sister tried to hold her. Hysterical crying and throwing things and yelling "MINE! SISTER!" when they tried to hold their granddaughter. Oh Row. He's going to be a great big brother. 

Here we are 24 hours after her birth! She's beautiful and gentle and so sweet. Recovery has been night and day compared to last time. I got a tiny 2nd degree compared to my 3rd degree and episotomy. We didn't sleep at all from 11pm-4am which was ironically Lyra's party time while in utero and slept like an angel from 4:00am-9:00am. She seems to have such a sweet spirit.

I wrote this all in the hospital and we've now been home for a few days. It was so wonderful to leave the hospital 24 hours after delivery versus being there an extra 4 days! We are SO lucky to have our families here helping. They have done so much for us! They cleaned our entire house - organized, deep cleaned, dishes, laundry, you name it, they did it. They've been making us all our meals, cleaning some more, playing with our energetic toddler, getting up with him early so Lyra and I can catch some extra zzz's and running errands. Everyone has been so helpful, but I worship my little sister right now. I would be a basket case without her.  I'm so crazy in love with Sel all over again. He's such an incredible dad/husband. I'm terrified of when our families leave and Sel is on a new rotation, but we're going to make it! We've got to. Lyra is continuing to be so tender and adorable. I've sadly been having awful nipple pain when she latches and went to see a lactation consultant yesterday to keep it from getting out of control like it did with Row. Here's to life in the trenches of parenting two children!  

40 Weeks and Some Change

Here we are past my due date again. I'm not surprised at all I went over, but I am surprised by how oddly peaceful I've been about it this time around. I feel physically pretty excellent still. I even ran about a mile yesterday on the outdoor track and have been walking, doing jumping jacks and squatting like it's my part-time job. I don't sleep very well, but I'm pretty sure that's the mantra of every pregnant woman in her third trimester. I've been enormously blessed to have easy pregnancies in the physical department.
I was a insane last time. Sel had research that summer which basically took a few hours everyday and I quit my job at 38 weeks. Since Row didn't come until 42 weeks, it meant Sel and I sat around for A MONTH thinking of nothing else but having a baby. We went on 3-4 "labor" walks a day, ate pineapple until my tongue was red and raw, downed spicy food and tried every other natural labor inducing method on the planet.  We were both basket cases.
This time around, we are without the luxury of sitting around staring at the empty nursery. Row keeps me on my toes all day and Sel has work plus endless studying to accomplish. The only time I start to feel crazy is during nap time or bedtime when I can just sit around and think about the baby staying in there forever.

BUT we have an end date in sight. As much as I have prayed and pleaded to go on my own, I likely won't before my induction date. I've done hoards of research on when it is still "safe" to have a baby and it tends to say after 41 weeks starts to see an increase in risks to both mother and baby. Do plenty of women go past that and have healthy babies? For sure. I obviously did. I'm not someone who would be okay being part of the percentage that end in stillbirth from going over 41 weeks though. I'm pretty sure no woman would be. I feel a little like I have to justify my agreement to being induced since there are definitely two camps on the matter. I don't want this post to turn into my thoughts on the debate, but I do feel like I need to let my future self know it was not an easy decision to decide to be induced again.  I still dream of the day when I go into labor on my own and get to spend the first part of it at home. I haaaaated being in the hospital last time and will be there for a minimum of 12 hours again. We had my OB appt yesterday and I strong-armed Sel into coming with me (Joke, he totally was all for it when I asked if he would). My wonderful friend took Row during my non-stress test and then dear Doctor told me some pretty excellent news: I was dilated to about 1 1/2cm. I never even got to 1 cm with Row after 12 hours of cervadil, a bulb catheter, and 12 hours of pitocin. Sort of a monumental moment to find out my cervix did all that work without the efforts of last time. My OB wasn't as impressed as I was since he thinks I still need to go in and have cervadil again. Major sad face. He even said it's rare for him to have to do it on a second time mom, but because my cervix is so extra special and excellent at keeping babies in... We set an official induction date for Monday with my night of cervadil starting Sunday. UGH. I just hate the idea of spending a night in the hospital hooked up to the dumb monitors and an IV for 12 hours with a prostaglandin-drenched tampon in trying to "get some rest" before I have a baby. I sleep crappy enough in my beautiful king-sized bed and now will try to sleep in an uncomfortable hospital bed with constant beeping going off. WHY IS MY CERVIX THE WORST?! ( I bet you readers are so thrilled we talk about this so much. Who doesn't want to talk about cervixes all day, everyday?)
 I got a call today from the office saying he actually made a mistake and he won't be on call until June 20th so would I be able to come in tomorrow night and start my cervadil. I'm still trying to process the change, but I'm grateful it's happening. My sister and mom were going to come up tomorrow anyway to visit and will be here for Rowan while we are at the hospital. My in-laws come in Saturday and stay until the 20th! We are so lucky to have such loving families come and help us. It brings me to tears thinking about how wonderful they all are. I was getting extra panicky about my sister having to leave before the baby came and my in-laws only being here for a few days after she came. Having her this weekend will be the absolute perfect time to arrive.

I feel like it has been a divine intervention that I didn't get to follow my mother's trend of having her first two weeks late after an awful induction to then have a baby a day early after six hours of labor that started on its own. My dad (he'll hate me for posting this because he is such an oddball about that sort of thing) found out he had a blood clot last night that stretched from his femoral artery to his ankle. If Lyra had come in the past few days, I sincerely doubt anyone would have been paying his swollen leg attention. I hate thinking about what might have happened if he hadn't been forced to the ER by my sister, mom, and hubby. Now that he's all taken care of, we can get this baby show on the road. I'm still reeling a little bit from the fact that tomorrow is my last as a mom of one. I plan to spend it doing all of Row's absolute favorite things for as long as he wants. I'll miss being a just us, but know this next adventure will be pretty spectacular all on it's own. Wish us luck! The next time I post will be a birth story!!!

Here is one of my last bump pics. I look a little in pain because Sel was trying to make me laugh and it was a little painful to watch him make the same smiling-coaxing faces he makes at our toddler at me. My sister asked me the other day if I have less body hate while pregnant and it really is true that I do. I don't feel like a sexy beast at all, but I'm certainly more gentle with my criticism while growing a human being. Too bad I likely won't be this kind to my postpartum self in the next few weeks.