Two by Two

I feel like a broken record player this year in my constant phrasing of "I can't believe how fast time is going by". Rowan is officially two months old as of today. I really thought I was going to post more this month on topics other than my offspring and then I started laughing at myself thinking I had the time to blog in my"free time". All kidding aside, Rowan is the perfect little man. He is such a talker! He loves to coo and babble back at me and anyone else willing to get up in his face. It is my favorite part about him right now. He is definitely a morning person and throws around his best grins as the sun is coming up. Rowboat is also diligently pursuing his dream of becoming a baby version of King Kong. At the ripe old age of 8 weeks, he is already in 6 month clothing and size three diapers. I swear that he grows a half an inch every night. In fact, he barely fits in his bassinet which is a major bummer considering how convenient and fantastic it has been. At his two month appointment today, he weighed in at 14 pounds and 26 inches long. He is 82% for weight and is completely off the charts for height. The nurse actually measured him three times because she didn't believe he could be as big as he was.

 Other really awesome part of Rowan's personality is how he is whipping me back into shape. I started running the day my doc gave me the go ahead. It helped that Rowan has yet to be upset on a walk and we had been cruising the parks and neighborhood since he was 2 weeks old. I also discovered he will get fussy if I have him next to me on the playmat while I walk on the treadmill, but loves it when I run on the treadmill at a speed anything over 5.8 mph. He's pretty specific about what he wants my fitness level to be. He'll just sit there and stare at my feet. I think he is a bit envious of people who can walk and stand on their own. He has been trying to stand a ton lately which has started to prove difficult when I try and put him in his car seat and he's all, "Nah mom, I'll just walk wherever we are going." 

Even though Rowboat is such a fantastic baby, he has his days just like anyone else. He still is struggling with eating which makes me wonder if he actually belongs to Sel and I.  It's also crazy how one day he will be totally fine nursing and the next, he hates it. I think part of it is he just gets upset that I am not letting him observe the world for twenty torturous minutes. That, or I am somehow producing arsenic. 

This month has been crazy busy and exciting for all three of us. Rowan traveled half across the country (a fourth across the country potentially?) to visit his aunt and uncle in Missouri. The trip was planned on a whim and the drive was kind of miserable. Row really did great all things considered, but road trips with a newborn aren't exactly a breeze. We also were amazingly lucky to get a visit from my grams. It was all too precious to see her and Rowan love all over one another. Also, we have been doing so many fun things with the fantastic friends also workin the mom thing. It's so nice to have multiple activities during the week to keep both Row and I entertained. We are seriously the luckiest to be surrounded by such incredible people.

Finally, I just have to say that I have the best job in the entire world. After some budgeting, saving, and a huge leap of faith, we decided I won't be going back to work. I struggled for a bit deciding, but then I realized I am just not strong enough to leave Rowan with anyone else. Maybe someday when he is getting into everything and asserting his independence, but right now I would just be a hot mess leaving him. I think working mom's are super women for juggling all that they do. Right now I am just trying to soak in every glorious and certainly not glamorous moment being Rowboat's mom. I have been feeling so guilty lately that Sel's job seems way harder than mine. He has spent the last month studying 12 hours or more everyday. That bearded man is going to make a fantastic physician someday and certainly makes a fantastic med student/father/hubby right now. 

Okay, I won't keep boring you and will just flood this post with some pictures from his amazing newborn photo shoot.

 Fair warning about our outfits; I have never been a style star. I used to wear my dad's XL M.I.T sweatshirt with spandex to school and think I was some sort of trend setter. I was also sleep deprived and Sel is absolutely no help when it comes to caring about clothing. Just ignore the fact that I am in polka dots, Sel is in flannel and Row is naked.

Month Número Uno

My Rowboat is officially one month old today (or was when I started this over a week ago)! I can hardly believe this adorable babe has already been with us for a whole month! He continues to be such a good little tyke. Rowboat is growing at what feels like a lightening pace. I never understood why moms would seem so incredibly sad that their babies were growing up and I have finally discovered, at least, my feelings on the matter. I am so deeply in love with Rowan right now and can hardly comprehend him being more perfect. The idea of him changing by growing up is hard for me to grasp because I can't imagine him becoming more perfect than he already is. It isn't a sad thing for me that my sweet baby is growing up, it's just an incomprehensible journey of finding out that my son will continue to be perfect to me at almost every stage of his life. Does that make sense? Probably not. I make almost zero sense lately thanks to the 3rd hour food service shift I have taken on. I only serve one customer every night, but at least he tips me well with heart stopping smiles. The other night he went a whole 6 hours without stoppin by the dairy bar. It was a momentous night worth celebrating.
Rowan has had a few hiccups recently with eating. He will be nursing and then decided to throw his head violently back (ouchhh) and just scream. I think it's because he gets gas bubbles in his poor little tummy, but I have no idea how to help him not rip my cleavage to shreds when it happens. We've started to put him in his carseat and swing/rock him around in it. For some reason, this kid feels like his carseat is the hippest place around to poop.
Sel is the baby whisperer with Rowboat when he gets upset. I have never seen a baby decide this young who is favorite parent is, but it's pretty obvious this kid is all about the Dad factor. Sel continues to melt my heart by loving Rowan so much. The other day he said, "It's crazy how you think you know how much you will love your own kid and then they come and you love them so much more than you ever thought possible".
Dad of the Year Award = Sel.
Husband I Want to Make Out with Hardcore When He Says Things Like That Award = Sel
He is already getting so incredibly big. At his one month appointment last week, the pediatrician said he looked like a three month old baby. This is 100% accurate as Rowan sadly no longer fits in 3 month old clothing. If anyone needs 20+ newborn-3 month old clothes that have never been worn, hit me up.
Rowboat is one of the biggest kids on the block coming in at a robust 12 pounds and measuring 23 inches tall (90% for weight and 95% for height). He also has a gigantic head just like his dad placing him in the 98% for babies his age. Holy huge kiddo. Oh and he has outgrown size 1 diapers which is great because I still have plenty of boxes of size 1. I knew babies grew quickly, but I had no idea Rowan would grow this fast. I feel like I am going to wake up tomorrow and a teenage Rowan will be roaming around our house.
This parenthood thing is hands down the best thing I have ever done. I honestly even love the sometimes not so glamorous parts because it means that this sweet little human belongs to me. I love every single sleepless night and the piles of laundry covered in spit up, poop, or pee. I love settling for a messy bun and glasses everyday. I love when Rowan's whole face will light up when he hears my voice or when he gets a huge gummy grin looking at me or Sel. I love his little coos and his baby patterned baldness.  I love being stupendously hungry or thirsty, but refusing to get out of the rocking chair because I want my sweet baby to keep sleeping peacefully in my arms for a minute longer. I love when he laughs in his sleep.  I honestly love it all and I love this little boy with my whole heart.
I feel so extraordinarily blessed to be Rowboat's mom.
Since I still don't have his newborn photos back, here is a smattering of pics from this month.

Rowan is such happy baby and he is extra happy in the mornings. He will get so smiley and just start babbling away when I peek in his bassinet at the lovely hour of 5am

The moment Rowan first looks at Sel's face

The moment two seconds after seeing Sel's face. Rowan gets so incredibly happy and excited when he sees Sel. He will just start talking to Sel and throwin grins like these that make my heart melt. 

Rowan loves staring at Sel all day long. Around two weeks after he was born, I got a super fun crack on one side and it was so incredibly painful to nurse. As in, I started crying pretty much anytime he latched on that side. We ended up getting a pump so I could give the left gal time to heal and now things are 100% better. 

One day I was trying to do laundry and put him in the basket to carry downstairs and he LOVED it. Now when he gets fussy during the day I just plop him in any laundry basket for a few minutes and he chills out

He looks so much smaller in this than he is now. He also no longer fits in this super hero outfit which is a major bummer

He loves to stretch out like this when we take him out of the car seat or bassinet. It never fails to amuse Sel and I to watch him throw it back like this.  

This was right after another nursing meltdown where Rowan decided he despised being near  me. Sel fed him a bottle and that kid was happy as a clam. I think Rowboat secretly wishes Sel had man boobs so he could be with his dad 24/7. Also, how precious are my two boys? Answer: Bordering on the edge of being too precious in fact. 

And a final one for you here of my grumpy old man baby. This was a failed tactic during one of his nursing episodes where I plopped him in our recliner and rocked it back and forth. You'll even notice I tried to give him the remote to appease him, but alas, he continues to look like my Grandpa King at ever Wandarama.
Rowan really is such a happy baby which is why even a two minute crying episode totally throws me because I am so confused on why Mr. Cheerful has suddenly turned into grumpy cat. 

Far Longer Than Forever

Props to my mom for reminding me of this song from Swan Princess and how much I wanted to be Princess Oddette when I was growing up. I think it is perfect for year 3's theme. 

Today (aka when I started this on Tuesday) Sel and I have been married for three wonderful years. I honestly could not have dreamed up a better anniversary present than our sweet little boy. Seeing Sel love all over Rowboat is even better than eating premium ice-cream topped with butterfingers and heath bars. To celebrate the past few years of bliss, we took our very first family pictures with Rowboat. We wanted to get one like the beauty below, but dang it if I didn't find our photographer while I was still pregnant. We just ended up settling for Sel standing naked behind me and Rowan wrapped comfortably to my stomach in some classy lime green fish netting. I will answer your question as to whether I was wearing pants with another question; Is the girl in the photograph wearing pants? I can hardly wait to see if our pics make it on the awkward family photo website. 

Rowan is an incredibly sweet baby. We are both so deeply in love with him and his mild tempered self.    He tends to only cry with good reason - when he is hungry, gassy, or when his super awesome mom accidentally slams his tiny baby leg against our door frame at 4:00am. He is also very much a Warden-King child in the sense that the kid loves to eat. I can hardly believe how quickly he is growing. He can't fit in any newborn clothing anymore and keeps packing on the lbs like it is his job. It technically is his job right now despite the fact that Sel and I keep encouraging him to get a job that actually earns money.
I really intended for this post to be well thought out, but Rowboat has had other plans for me everytime I have sat down to write it. Instead of some wonderfully written paragraphs, I will just post some pictures of the adorable creature Sel and I made (which I am positive is much preferred).

These two boys hold my whole heart. Rowan has been fine tuning his motor skills and exploring what he can do with his hands. He was melting my heart the other day by reaching up to touch Sel's beard a bunch. 

He was super happy to be Batman today. Excuse the Zomie look I am working lately thanks to Rowan's late night partying and drinking problem

I love this one so much I am going to post it on Facebook too about five minutes after I post this blog

I think he looks like a tiny little angel when he sleeps

Again with the Batbaby. Thanks Aunt Jenn for making this dude look super fly

Rowboat is still unsure how he feels about Sel's beard. 

Seriously! Look how much smaller he looks. He no longer fits in that onsie from when he first rocked this old man look at five days old. 

Funny story. We ended up doing Rowan's blessing at the hospital with ALL of that wonderful family. Brianna, Uncle Bern and my linebacker nephew drove through the night to make it in time and then Jess and Bern drove all the way back to Missouri a few hours after the impromptu blessing. My parents also ended up canceling a bunch of their Sunday meetings to make it up for the blessing. I still cannot believe we all fit in that tiny hospital room. We are so lucky to have such a spectacular bunch we call family. 

Rowan's Birth Story

I cannot believe I am currently the mother to the most precious, beautiful little boy. Rowan is the sweetest little miracle and I am so incredibly in love. We are still unfortunately in the hospital getting Rowan's jaundice under control and I can hardly wait to bust this joint. Six days in the hospital is waaaay too long. (recent update: totally busted free yesterday and being home is the best feeling in the universe)

This is going to be an extraordinarily long post because this guy's birth was an extra long 42 hours. Buckle up and enjoy!

Wednesday 9:00am- Sel and I went to my 41 week 3 day appointment to get an ultrasound done and see if the habanero laced salad I had eaten the night before had finally gotten things going. The second my OB walked into the room, we knew this was not going to be the quick appointment we were expecting it to be. He let us know my amniotic fluid was low and he would like to set up an induction. I asked if Monday was a good time to which he just stared at me blankly. "Oh no. You have to go to the hospital right now. Did you bring your hospital bags with you?" I started to panic because we certainly did not bring our bags and I was not emotionally prepared for all of this. Sel had stayed up until 3:00am the night before playing LOL and I had woken up at 4:00am starving. We were both going off little sleep and now we had to prepare ourselves for a surprise induction. I know I had been whining for a week straight about wanting our babe to make an exit, but I had envisioned the process of that going totally different than this. My idealized fantasy birth started with me having contractions at home for hours while stoically braving each one as a zen birthing goddess. We would have gone to the hospital when my contractions were unbearable and our baby would have come to us with a miminmal amount of medical intervention. Rowboat's birth honestly couldn't have been more opposite.

My last picture being hugely pregnant. I have such a love-hate relationship with that room behind me. 

Wednesday 12:00- we get admitted to the hospital and my birth plan goes straight out the window. I had really wanted to just get a heperain lock put in and wait as long as possible to have an IV started. Apparently when you are put on Cervadil (a little shoe string device meant to get your cervix super excited about pushing a baby out), you have to have an IV, be on a clear liquid diet and be hooked up to fetal monitoring for the whole twelve hours you are waiting for the Cervadil to do it's magic. The nurse who put in my IV was terrible at it. She ended up audibly breaking one of my veins (weirdest thing to hear) and ended up getting another nurse after three botched tries to put it in for me. 

Wednesday 2:00pm - they check me and I am at a lowly fingertip dilated still. They put the Cervadil in and tell us to rest up in our room for the next 12 hours. I had already been having cramps off and on since Monday and as soon as they put the Cervadil in, they started to get more regular and slightly more uncomfortable. Other than that, nothing really happened during those 12 hours. The Cervadil did try and sneak out around 4:00pm and a resident with gorilla hands put it back up there for me. Holy ouch! I swear he was part ape. Sel took off around 8pm to grab dinner for himself and grab some things we had forgotten in our mad dash out of the house. We both got about four hours of sleep from 10:00pm-2:00am. Poor Sel was on one heck of an uncomfortable couch that ensured his sleep deprivation was just going to get worse and worse during our stay. 

Thursday 2:00am - they took out my Cervadil and I had somehow regressed. I was still only at a fingertip dilated despite 12 hours of cramping and somehow I had gone from being 80% effaced to 50%. I was super depressed, but figured once they started Pitocin that things would change pretty fast. They let me eat some solid food and take a quick shower before they moved me along in the labor process. The cafeteria was understandably closed at 2:00am so I got to eat a junky chicken Cesar salad that I suspected must have been some nurse's leftovers. We also got an awesome nurse at this point, Shannon, who rounded up some wireless fetal monitors for me so I could move around during contractions. 

Thursday 4:00am - they decided to put in a bulb catheter to help me dilate and started me on 3mg Pitocin with the idea to up my dosage by 1 mg every hour. Having the bulb catheter inserted was miserable. Since my cervix was still on the ultimate lockdown, it took the OB 15 straight minutes of essentially fisting me to put it in. Once she was finished, I started bleeding like crazy. They very unfortunately noted at this point that they might have ruptured my membranes. They didn't, but this note in my file made things get pretty scary a bit later on. 

Sel and I started walking the halls right away. We wanted to get things progressing as fast as possible. The contractions hit like a freaking freight train and we ended up back in our room after only an hour. I started sobbing and doubting my ability to handle this without medication. All of the emotional signs pointed toward active labor, but I knew I still had such a long road to go because I still was so very little dilated. I then vomited up the entire salad I had eaten along with a popsicle. Step in saint Shannon. She came in during my break down and suggested we try some Nubain. She had read over my birth plan and was so incredibly supportive of everything I wanted. She never pushed anything on me despite the fact that they had been offering me an epidural since we were first admitted. The Nubain was a blessing from on high. It helped me refocus and calm down enough to work through each contraction. 

Thursday 7:00am - a shift change happened and my incredible nurses were replaced by a horrible new nurse. This shift change was hugely significant for us and instantly made everything way more stressful and overwhelming. 

Thursday 10:00am -the new OB on shift ordered that the bulb catheter be taken out despite the fact that it was supposed to either fall out when you reach about 5cm dilated or be taken out after 12 hours. Since it had only been in there for 6 hours and it had been incredibly painful to insert, we were understandably a bit confused on why this was happening. We were informed by our nurse that each OB has a different personal preference and this was just what the new OB liked. Sel and I kept pressing the issue and resisting, but no one really seemed to care that we had an opinion about it. So out comes the bulb catheter and up goes my Pitocin. We spent the next billion hours laboring through contractions with another dose of Nubain and attempting to walk around.

Thursday 4:00pm - The resident with gorilla hands came into check me. I politely told him his humongous man hands had no business anywhere near my downstairs and requested that someone with normal sized hands check what was happening. Luckily King Kong wasn't offended and another resident let me know that my cervix was still sealed shut. Disheartened is a light word for how I was feeling at this point. We had been laboring technically for 26 hours at this point and to find out NOTHING had changed at Fort Knox Down Under was a horrible feeling. This is where things took an extremely downward spiral. The resident shared a knowing look with the nurses before leaving our room and left whispering to one another. Our horrible nurse returned a few minutes later with surgical caps and masks in her hand. She placed them right next to the hospital bed and let me know we would be doing a C-Section around 8:00pm if I hadn't progressed. She also let me know I could no longer have any water or other forms of liquid. We asked exactly what amount of progression they were looking for here. As in, I progress to a two by 8:00pm and we are golden or were they looking for a baby to be delivered in the next four hours. As stated, our nurse royally sucked at her job and she essentially told me it was baby by 8:00pm or I was going under the knife.
After another bout of sobbing, Sel's parents arrived at the hospital. My wonderful familia had been keeping us company for the past few hours and had also been privy to watching me push through apparently "nothing" productive. We all got to sit around at this point and think about me having a C-Section. I know that plenty of women have them and everything goes wonderfully, but surgery couldn't have been further from what I was hoping to get this baby here. The other extremely upsetting part about this moment was that our little guy was still doing amazing in there and showing zero signs of distress. My water hadn't broken despite it being potentially noted as having ruptured when they put in the bulb catheter. There was absolutely no reason to panic and rush to the operating room. Alas, no one listened to our adamant protesting and probing of why this was what was happening.
Thursday 7:00pm - Our prayers were answered with the shift change. Our crappy nurse wished us well (yeah right) and a new angelic nurse named Maria came on. I honestly attribute almost everything positive about Rowan's birth to this incredible woman. She is actually a member of our church, but attends a different meeting time. She walked straight into our room when she got there and let us know she had no intention of accompanying me to the OR that evening. She has a reputation of getting things going when someone has stalled in their labor. At first, I was really overwhelmed at the idea that I was no longer having a c-section. Over the past three hours I had come to accept the situation and was almost looking forward to the relief of finally having our baby out and not being in labor any longer. When Maria stepped in, I was immensely grateful, but also terrified at the prospect of now having to face what I imagined was another millennium  of contractions. Luckily our family's and Sel were there to encourage me because I was almost at my breaking point. Maria switched out my bag of Pitocin and told me to get ready to be even more uncomfortable. She dropped my dose back down from 20 mg to 10 mg then started to re-up the dosage every hour.
Thursday 9:00pm - I asked our family's to leave because my relaxing techniques were starting to fail. I didn't need everyone to watch me close my eyes every two minutes and slowly count in my head through each one. Almost twenty minutes after they left, Maria swung by our room again. I asked at what point would I be able to get an epidural if I ended up deciding I needed one. She let me know that the one person who was actually any good at administering them was about to go off shift. If I even sort of thought I wanted one, I should get it before Epi Expert exited the building. I debated quite a bit with it, but after imagining going through another potential 12-18 hours of labor, I made my decision to get that sucker before somebody who would paralyze me went on shift. The Epi Expert entered and it seriously took her 6 minutes from the time she walked in the room to the time she left. She was amazing at what she does and nothing that I was immensely afraid of in regards to getting it happened.
Thursday 10:30pm- The OB came in to check me and WAHOO I was at 3cm. Whilst checking me, my water broke. I seriously almost reached over to caress Maria's arm and tell her she was my favorite person. At this point, I felt absolutely no pain and my cervix was finally deciding to cooperate. It felt like I might actually have this baby in 2014. Sel and I both managed to finally get in a little bit of sleep and I was allowed to have some real water instead of sucking on sponges! Yeeeaaah!
Friday 3:00am - Maria checked me and heavenly light descended on that awful hospital room. I was dilated to 10cm!!! Sing hallelujah! Even though Rowboat was incredibly low, Maria thought it might be a good idea to tilt my hospital bed to a 90 degree angle so I could labor down for a little bit. I think it is a bit funny when people say that instead of feeling pain with an epidural you just feel a lot of pressure . Last time I checked, the pressure of a two ton truck on my abdomen would pretty much spell pain in my book. I honestly think I might have straight up died if I was feeling those last three hours of contractions without an epidural. The "pressure" for those 90 degree contractions were intense.
Friday 3:30am - Maria comes back to our room and lowers my bed. She actually had been removed as my nurse at some point during the night due, but had sweetly decided to keep working with me despite not technically having me on her round anymore. She had only intended to leave me at the 90 degrees for 30 minutes, but the patient she was actually supposed to be attending to had entered the pushing stage to bring her 10 lb 11 oz little chunker to the world. Needless to say, she was a bit caught up with that horrendously painful sounding situation.
Friday 6:00am - Maria announces that we are going to try some practice pushes before she calls the OB down. Part of Rowan's head showed up on my first practice push! She called the OB and told him to get his hiney over here quick. I was really hesitant to have the mirror present to watch everything happening down there, but I am so glad I decided to opt for it. It was incredibly motivating to see a little bit of Rowboat's head every time I pushed. I ended up only having four contractions that I pushed through and then the most miraculous thing I have ever done happened at 6:23am. I became the mother to our 8 lb 15 oz and 21 inch long son. Watching Rowan come out was an indescribable moment. Physically, I felt my stomach almost instantly deflate when his body came. I also luckily felt absolutely nothing else. I was able to somehow avoid feeling the ring of fire or any other of those super duper fun feelings of pushing a bowling ball through a golf ball sized hole. Emotionally, I was in awe that the little thing that had been kicking and punching me was real. The OB held him up for me to see better andR owboat decided to promptly pee all over my leg. I remember being happily reassured right then that the ultrasound techs had told us right and Rowan was, in fact, a boy. They laid his tiny purple body right on my chest and I got to hold my heart on the outside for the first time. He used his strong little frog legs to push up on my chest where he then began to root around in my cleavage for the milk buffet he had been promised. I was amazed and still am so amazed at how powerfully motivated he is to eat. I am also immensely grateful that we had such an amazing headstart to breastfeeding with him making it his number one priority seconds after entering the world. Maria had to take Rowan over to the warming unit to help him get some fluid out of his lungs and Sel stayed right by our little guy the whole time. The OB had ended up giving me a midline episiotomy and I had a third degree tear to get repaired. While he narrated to the resident the art of stitching up lady parts, I focused all my attention on watching Sel hold Rowboat's tiny fist while Maria continued to suction fluid out of his lungs.

We were both a little worn out after our 42 hour process of getting that sweet boy here. 

Things finally got settled down after I was stitched up. We called our family's to tell them Rowboat was finally here and I got to snuggle the sweetest new addition to the world for the next 45 minutes. I still doubt I will ever be able to capture the powerful emotions from that day. I still look at him and can hardly believe that he was inside of me. This perfect little person started out as a microscopic cell and grew into this incredibly sweet baby boy. I know almost every parent thinks this, but he is the most wonderful being I have ever been blessed to meet. I can hardly wait to see what type of person he will be and how lucky I am to be such a big part of his life. I have also fallen even more deeply in love with the man who gave me this beautiful boy. Sel is the most adorable father around. He absolutely adores Rowan and can hardly wait for his turn during the day to hold him. He just stares at Rowan as if he is his whole world. I already think Rowan looks so much like his daddy and I could not be happier about it. We are both absolutely smitten with this little miracle of ours! Aw! Life is so beautiful with these two sweet boys of mine!

6 hour old Rowboat

The two things I love the very most about this world. 

41 Weeks

Are you tired of hearing from me? I guess that is what happens when I find myself with endless days I wasn't expecting to have.  It appears that even when I think I am at my wit's end, that I am reminded how blessed I truly am. 

I mean, how awful can life truly be when you are (hopefully) within a few weeks of finally holding a baby you have been so excitedly waiting for? I have too many friends who have to struggle through the  almost unbearable trials of infertility and miscarriages. I have no room to complain for a second about feeling mildly like a teenage-sized hippopotamus. And really, I feel pretty excellent all things considered. We even went on a six mile hike through the woods yesterday and I did two hours of Zumba today. I wasn't miserable during any of that fun activity (sure, I was doing it to induce labor and absolutely nothing is happening….but both things were really fun outside of failing to get things going).

Sel seducing a butterfly right in front of me

Also, I have had the opportunity to do a bunch of fun things this last week. Sel had a medical conference in Columbus that we had definitely thought he wouldn't be present for. Since our little boy was considerate enough to stay put so long, we were both able to do some pretty fab things at the conference. Sel got to learn a bunch for his research project and I got to tag along for some of the highlights. We got to go to the botanical gardens and hold butterflies. We sampled some really "interesting" hor d'oeuvres at a garden party. We even got invited to a 4.5 hour dinner with Sel's advisor at a biodynamic, local and organic restaurant. You might be wondering what that even means because I certainly had no clue. Turns out, it was a lot like that episode from Portlandia where they keep asking questions about the personality of the chicken they are considering ordering. I felt like the chef implied in the menu that he personally drove to pick up any animals he would be serving, gave them a deep tissue massage, painted their talons/hooves, sang them a lullaby and then turned them into dinner. I would recommend at least checking out their menu. Till is the name of this fine establishment.

This butterfly whispered to me that it would send me some eagles if I ever got into a tight spot like Gandalf did.  

I got to adore all over this little girlfriend of mine twice this week. And her lovely parents too :) 

I also got to chill at the pool with one of my favorite friends, hang out with my familia a whole bunch, eat too much food and see my precious little niece, nephew and sis-in-law.  

Finally, a friend showed up at my door today with goodies for me and it melted my heart. I have been intentionally ignoring my phone (sorry mom and dad). I actually have taken to burying it in our bed first thing in the morning to keep me from staring at the time slowly ticking by. I am the wooorrst.  Anyway, back to the friend that is amazing. I am so happy she stopped by! Especially because I probably would have been a total jerk and not called her back until August if she had called beforehand. She also makes some wicked awesome cookies that I have embarrassingly been chowing down on ensuring I will still resemble a large zoo animal after the baby comes. It just couldn't have been better timing. I have had three friends expecting babies after my due date and as of this morning, all of them have had their beautiful little babes. I also got a stupid notification from Baby Center this morning congratulating me on my newborn turning one week old. Still pregnant you piece of junk app. So this morning I had myself a pathetic little pity party and said the upteenth prayer begging today to be THE day. Instead of answering my prayer the way I thought it should be answered, Heavenly Father sent this friend to remind me the world is a beautiful, wonderful place filled with incredible people. Oh! I also have been feeling the Facebook love so a BIG thank you to all the commenters who keep encouraging me. You are all the best of the best!

Gifts from my angelic friend

I have been majorly stressing about all of Sel's family coming this week and being sans child. Part of this is totally my fault because when we originally had our first ultrasound they told me the baby was four days ahead of what I estimated from my LMP. I started measuring my weeks every Friday with the idea that I would ignore the due date of July 11th and estimate that he would actually be here closer to July 14th since I had a feeling from the beginning that he would be late. Of course, I was estimating a few days overdue opposed to a few weeks. Hence, why the plane tickets were booked for this upcoming Thursday instead of a bit later in the month. The thing is, it will still be waaay fun to see them all and still be massively pregnant. I don't know why I kept worrying so much about it because I love them all like crazy and I at least think they won't care that they will just get to stare at a very rotund version of myself instead of an adorable little newborn. 

There I am in all my roundness. Whoa! I am soooo large!

 So, as I am now entering the 42 week of being pregnant I will continue to remind myself how lovely life is despite the mild hold being placed on our lives. 

Beached Seals & Rabid Wolves

This is me being done. 

I know you are 100% so sick and tired of hearing me whine, but guys, I am so done. I have finally reached that point in pregnancy where I am this close to yanking this baby out myself. I know this is mostly from the sleep exhaustion as this week has marked the first where I have gotten maybe 3-4 hours of sleep per night. I am able to sleep for about 45 minutes- 1 hour stretches and then I wake up and take about 30 minutes to find a comfortable position to fall back asleep.  When I sleep on my side, the enormous pressure of my son cuts off circulation to my hips and lower limbs. He also has a freaking panic attack and kicks wildly at my side until I roll over. When I finally roll over to the other side, he waits about 10 minutes before freaking out again on that side. And, of course, when I fall asleep on my back I wake up 5 minutes later feeling like as if I am drowning. When I finally give up (usually around 5am), I get to spend an hour massaging my aching sides after mistakenly taking the pain for possible contractions. I then spend the day in a semi-zombie trance looking disturbingly how I feel.

Am I being dramatic? Undoubtedly. Have I reached a point where I don’t care? You bet your bottom dollar.  I know this is excellent training for the months ahead, but I was a little bit hoping to actually stock up on some sleep before it becomes the world’s most precious commodity. I also cannot imagine how rockin labor is going to be when I get to enter it with as little sleep as I am getting. Awesome. 

On another note, all of Sel’s family will be arriving in T-town a week from today. I have been so majorly excited for their arrival for the past few months until recently where I realized I could very well still be pregnant when they all get here.  Or I could be in the hospital the whole time they are here. Oh AND Sel leaves for Utah in 14 days which could leave me still pregnant because I am pretty sure this baby is not coming until December at the earliest. My doctor has told me he is totally set to induce me July 21^st, but I have zero desire to be induced.  He luckily won’t force my uterus until August 1^st unless Rowboat shows signs that he is not thriving in there anymore. I bet some of you are all, dude, stop complaining and just get induced. I applaud all the women of the world who have the lady balls to brave Pitocin, but I am not brave enough yet to enter your ranks.

I know I am one lucky duck to have made it this far and carried a healthy baby. I also know that babies come when they are supposed to or on their birthday or yadayadayada .  That is super great of you to say whilst you are over there being not 41 weeks pregnant. (If you are 41+ weeks pregnant and feel this way, you dear friend, are completely justified in giving me a pep talk on patiently waiting for my child. I would also welcome any tactics you are currently employing to not go batty in your present condition). I yo-yo pretty much every hour from being eternally grateful and rational to being a crazy woman. I bet you can’t guess what part of the yo-yo I am on right now.

Finally, to all the amazing people of the world who are super excited for us and keep texting/calling to ask if the baby is here yet…I love you times a hundred for being pumped for us, but I swear if you ask me one more time, I will train a rabid pack of wild wolves (think Hunger Games style) to encircle your home for the next millennium. I will then text or call you everyday to ask if you have figured out a way to escape your confinement and try to hide my disappointment that you have failed at a task that is obviously very easy to overcome.  If we are close enough for you to ask me everyday for baby updates, you are someone I love and care enough about to tell when this kid finally leaves my womb.  And to the well meaning acquaintances who exclaim “Still pregnant, eh?” when you see me,  I also mostly love you, but instead could you please exclaim “Still sexy and svelte, eh?” or “Way to still be out and about attempting to live life instead of pouting at your house and eating tubs of ice-cream…eh?”.  Finally, if anyone would like to offer comfort to Sel, it would be much appreciated because he is going almost as crazy as I am. He has gotten to the point where every two hours he asks if I have felt anything. And every two hours I get to disappoint him by telling him no. 

Imagine 20 of these surrounding your home. Except more vicious looking with foam and bald spots. 

P.S. I will actually be “unplugging” until this baby gets here. So please don’t be offended if I don’t answer your phone calls, texts, or emails. It’s not you, it’s the chubby weakling over here who you would want to punch in the face for being Wendy Whiner if you did actually get a hold of me.

P.S.S My mom just told me my whole birth story and I am now starting to understand why this baby is not here yet. Karma, y'all. Straight up karma. 

Touched By An Angel

Little known fact: I was a child actor. True story. I became fairly famous after appearing in Touched by an Angel Season 6 Episode 24 aka "A Clown's Prayer". My parents were frightened by how quickly my fame was appearing to mount after my brief appearance as audience member 22 and quickly pulled me out of Hollywood before I headed down the fast track to becoming Miley Cyrus. I am grateful for their foresight now, but was thoroughly crushed that I would not be joining up with Mary-Kate and Ashley to become the Olsen Triplets. 

Actually, this post has nothing to do with my brief moment of childhood fame. I just thought the title of the show I starred in was fitting to how I have been feeling lately. 

We are going to have to start this story roughly 365 days ago. Sel and I had taken on my road warrior parents as companions for our 27 hour drive across the country to our new home in Toledo. We left on a Saturday with the idea that we would roll into town on Sunday and I would start work on Monday. We hadn't found a place to live yet and asked our bro&sis-in-law if we could stay with them for one or two nights until we found a new place to call our own. I started work at the height of the branch's busyness and felt overwhelmed almost instantaneously. We ended up struggling to find a place to live for THREE months. So our two night invasion of my sweet in-laws turned into three months of us sleeping on an air mattress in my nephew's room. Throw into that mix the fact that my sis-in-law was going through the not so fun first trimester, my nephew was going through a really difficult stage, her husband was gone for a straight month, she was going to school full-time and you've got some really stressed out people. Or at least I was. I was so stressed out that I stopped having a period and was on the verge of tears daily. I spent a lot of days asking "Why in the world are we in this horrible new place?"
I kept getting an answer to my question by continually being the recipient of an overwhelming amount of kindness from those around us. I illustrate how miserable our first few months in Toledo were to show that even though things seemed pretty grim for awhile, we still had sooo much to be thankful for all because of the people we were being introduced to. My whole life has been marked by being surrounded by selfless individuals, but our first year in T-town has just been chuck full of angels. I mean, let's take my bro&sis-in-law for starters. They let us sleep in their 900 sq foot apartment for 90 days! Who even does that? Answer: The kindest people in the universe. After we finally left them in peace, they continued to do these little (huge) acts of love for us. They brought me countless flats of raspberries and brought Sel root beer to last a lifetime. My bro-in-law even made an Anatomy finals rice krispie treat for Sel just because he is that thoughtful of a brother.
My parents have also been so incredible and done so much for us. I grew up thinking all parents were overwhelmingly kind, helpful, and loving. Turns out, some are, but some sadly are not. I won't even try to list all the things my parents have done for us this past year because it would seriously be a 500 page novel.
I have especially felt the love from all the wonderful lady friends in my ward. When I was newly pregnant two friends offered to let me borrow/have some of their maternity clothes. I was then bombarded with boxes of baby clothes from three friends (one of them being the same angel who gave me the maternity clothes). I have had two showers thrown for me and was given some incredible presents from some incredible people. I have already had multiple offers from friends to make us meals or help us out once the baby arrives. One friend went as far to ask intense specifics about Sel an I's favorite treats, meals, drinks, etc so she could have everything prepared. I think one of the most touching things happened the other day though. Thinking about it still makes me tear up a little because I honestly can't get over how sweet this act of service was. One of my friends came to my house and gave me a two hour pedicure. She washed my feet, massaged them, filed my toe nails, and painted them a dazzling ruby red. While I reclined in comfy chair my friend sat on our uncomfortable floor whilst being 28 weeks pregnant and washed my super unattractive feet. I couldn't help but relate her actions to when Christ washed the feet of the apostles. How do people like this even exist?
I know I cry about everything lately, but when I sit down and consider all of the love we have felt since we moved here, I just can't stop the tears. I feel so undeserving and unworthy to be surrounded by friends and family of this caliber. Looking back, it is so easy for me to see that this city is exactly where we were supposed to end up. Ghettoness and all.
I have been counting my blessings lately to keep my mind off the fact that I am still pregnant. As you can see, it has been pretty easy to come up with a huge list that can easily consume my thoughts. I would, however, totally be okay continuing to ponder how lucky I am with this baby on the outside of me instead of still partying it up inside. I really need to get his career as a child actor jump started and if he doesn't come out soon, I am super afraid all the good baby spots on the shows are going to be taken.

I am that child sitting in the field.