I got a call two weeks ago that left me flattered, confused, and a tinsy bit intimidated. Kelly Services was looking for a new recruiter and decided I sounded like a good candidate. The recruiter they have now is pretty much a legend in her field which means I have HUGE shoes to fill. In fact, this amazing recruiter was the one who told Kelly I would be a good fit to take over her job. Whoa! I was flattered beyond belief after the phone call and floated around on a little bubble of happy delight for the rest of the day.
I interviewed a week afterward and boy oh boy! It was the hardest interview I have ever had. It makes sense though, because all my past positions haven't been as demanding. The hardest part of the interview was answering questions I hardly know the answer to myself. Questions like, "Where do you see your career taking you in the next ten years?" or "What do expect will be your greatest accomplishments in the next ten years?"
Pretty much, I don't know where I see myself tomorrow let alone in my career.
That word at the end, career, has such a funny taste. When I think career I see business suits and long hours and a driven sense of purpose and success.
How to you tell someone your dream is to live in Africa or India helping kiddies who need it? Or that your dream is to spend your days painting or sculpting even though you suck at it? Or that your greatest accomplishments will be being married to the world's greatest husband and mother to the world's best kids?It's been such a weird rollar coaster of emotions lately. Some I can put into words, some I can't and some I won't. I know this seems such a silly reaction to such a great opportunity, but it has left me feeling even more lost and confused about what direction I should be heading. That feeling has been hanging over both Sel and I for the past few weeks. We are still waiting to hear back from medical schools and it is straight up no fun. We have been coming up with back up plans for his career and to be honest, it has left me feeling like a side dish.
Since we certainly aren't supposed to hop on the baby train yet, I feel like my purpose is percieved as meaningless. Sel never EVER EVER makes me feel that way. He is always encouraging and comforting and perfect, but he has his own things to consider. He will be the breadwinner someday and his bread will be a lot heartier than what I am bringing in right now. But I am still bringing in the bread...and that still matters.
I think the reason this is all pouring out right here is that this new position I am taking on whispers of something more solid, permanent and purposeful than any of my past ones. It feels like a very solid step in a direction I have only been tip toeing around before. Yet, this step would be removed the second we found out Sel was accepted to medical school and whatever footprint starting to form will just be washed away.
Don't get me wrong, our journey is brimming over with joy. All these seemingly not so fun things are soft shadows in the background of our usually colorful, happy life. We get to spend time every single day with our siblings who are the best friends anyone could ever ask for. We have the time everyday to work out. We have family so close and they are so wonderful. We have adventures planned and daily thrills. Sel and I somehow grow even closer with each passing day. Our religion gives us purpose and insight everyday. We are so lucky to go to the temple regularly and church weekly and read scriptures together daily. So, don't go thinking I am not immensly grateful or happy. Or that I am not excited to start this new job. I just am working through some behind the scenes things right now :) Wish me luck for next week!
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