Blueberry and Cyanide Smoothies

I am pretty much the smartest person I know. 3 Reasons why:

1. This past week, I decided to make a smoothie for breakfast. I tossed in some blueberries, cherries and my favorite yogurt (Plain Fat-Free Grade A Cultures baby!). I never really ate cherries as a child nor paid attention to those who did. I discovered between sips that cherries have pits. Astonishing, I know. Not many people know about it or that cherry pits (along with peach pits and apple seeds) are full of that healthy energy boost Jamba loves to use, cyanide. Turns out it isn’t a huge deal to swallow a few pits, but once you blend them up, it really gets those healthy juices flowin. From the said incident, I now have a new friend at poison control. Ed, a true gem of a man, and I might catch lunch sometime. Hold the cherries.

2. I signed up for a race called “Hurt in the Dirt” about a month ago with the impression it wasn’t going to be too hard. Jump over a few logs for 8 miles and call it good. I suckered poor Matty to do the biking (20 miles) part of the race and he so kindly agreed. The race was actually one of favorite I have ever done. I got to run through rivers, hurdle over huge logs, book it up some death trap stairs from the 1800’s, and slide down treacherous hills into overgrown trees. It was my kind of race. I couldn’t have been more in love with it. Matt’s bike course sounded like a living nightmare (sand hills, pebble beaches, log hurdling), but Team Milk proudly pushed through under the four hour mark. Why is this listed as a reason I am lacking in the intellect department? Cause it could have been bad (2 people broke bones, 7 received stitches, and about 60 pounds of ice were used for the injured) and I didn't do a whole lot of research (this is the first year though, so there wasn't a whole lot out there anyway) and Matt and I are both eerily prone to getting hurt doing stuff like this (or doing normal type things like breathing in my case). Also, the “trophy” you get to brag about how legit you are after a race is usually a t-shirt. Not in this race. You get a 64 oz beer mug. Also, I just wanted to tell the cyber world how fantastically fun the race was.

3. You know when you swallow water down the wrong tube and reflexively cough for a few minutes straight? People annoyingly come over and pat you on the back as if it is going to help your lungs relax which is so irritating you just cough harder. Everyone knows slapping someone on the back is never going to help them cough “better”. Where do your hands go when performing the Heimlich maneuver? Oh yeah, in between the shoulder blades. Really helps get air into the lungs and get that intruding piece of whatnot outta there. Anyway, I have started a tally for how often this happens to me when I simply swallow. Count is up to 6 since Friday.