31 Weeks

I feel like I should put a brief disclaimer on this post since I know my family members read it (most notably my parents) who might find it off color/inappropriate/something they defs don't want to know much about. They created this monster that I am though. Ever talked to my mom? She isn't really ever what I would call appropriate in her humor sooo her fault. 

2 more months! Hopefully! My greatest wish is to have a healthy baby followed by a very great wish to have my baby before 42 weeks and without being induced. A girl can dream, right? 

I've been getting so anxious about not wanting to be induced again and I can't help this pregnancy brain spiral. I mean, is it really so much to ask that my body cooperate to some degree this time? 

It is very rare for me to ever exclaim "TMI"! I am sort of a "NEI" aka Not Enough Information type of gal. I think it makes me nothing short of sexy. Funny story, I actually had a guy tell me once I was really attractive until I started talking. I overshare because I care. You are a lucky blog reader that gets to know how much I care about you by reading about all the beautiful details of my pregnancy. Before being pregnant with Lyra, I never had a UTI, yeast infection or any form of downstairs sadness. Since being pregnant, I've had a UTI, vaginosis, and now a yeast infection. Is vaginosis not the worst named infection? Ugh. At my OB appointment yesterday, the nurse let me know I had WBC's in my urine and asked if I was having any trouble down there. I'd already called to the office what I felt was too many time complaining of unpleasantness in the Southern region of my body and was planning on bringing it up with the OB that day. She asked if I wanted to have a speculum/swap. Did I want to? Not particularly. Does anyone want a weird silvery shoe thing shoved up their parts? I told her I did want a test done anyway. 

I had brought Rowan along because these appointments are generally 7 minutes long. I pee in a cup, stand on the scale, get my blood pressure taken and then listen to my OB for four minutes ask questions about Sel and tell me how great a doctor he is going to be and how he should be an OB. I agree with my OB on the points of Sel being great and a future doc that will rival Dr. 902010. He usually asks me as an afterthought at the end how I'm feeling. I appreciate the question and luckily the answer is generally great! This time around he asked what Sel thought was wrong with my lady parts. I wavered between responding completely inappropriately with "I think he thinks they are pretty decent since I'm pregnant with his second child" but I realized he was asking what Sel's medical opinion was of why I keep getting infections. He was proud that Sel had correctly assumed a yeast infection. I'm so glad my OB and my husband have such a special bond. It makes me feel really confident that my OB will always have my best interests in mind because he will be worried that Sel might be upset if he treats his wife poorly. 

In other great news, I lost weight from my last appointment and my blood pressure dropped too! I've really been working hard the last two weeks at eating healthy because I was doing really bad for a while there. After the giant Easter binge, I was getting way too close to what I was when I delivered Rowan. I've been really lucky to be able to workout for at least 30 minutes 6 days/week and our house is devoid of anything even remotely delicious. We had one box of sugar cereal that was "for an art project". About one cup of it did get used in the making of a cereal rainbow, but the many other cups were mostly going into my mouth. Now all we have is oatmeal, corn chex and plain cheerios. Rowan and I were both a little upset the first few days before realizing it really was better for both of us. 

We acquired some adorable baby girl clothes the past few weeks. Our friends and family are so generous! We are more indebted to these angelic people than America is to China. I feel so very blessed and a little bit tearful. Today I started crying because I saw Rowan sitting at our table all by himself and it made me think about my baby someday eating alone in a Jr. High cafeteria. I  had to hide my face because he became so concerned on why I was bawling. It is an incredibly sad thought, right? Your little toddler sitting alone because nobody will sit with him? Typing it out here is making me cry again. 

I am getting reals excited to meet this little girl! I can't wait to hold a sweet newborn again. To feel her silky soft skin against mine and touch her extra soft hair. I looove how new babies' mouths hang open when they are asleep. Baby lips are so precious! I mean, what part about a baby isn't? We even find baby butts adorable. They say when you have a baby in June, you're a Mom all your life. Or you know, whatever month you birth a baby. I can't stop singing that song lately and most people just look at me really weird. I doubt they act weird because I'm a horrible singer or because I randomly busted out into song during a normal conversation or that I drastically altered the lyrics. People just don't know their musicals these days. 

I mean, isn't that the most precious little outfit you've ever seen?

I CAN'T WAIT TO DRESS A BABY AGAIN! It required all caps there.  Getting Rowan dressed is a freaking nightmare lately. It takes a solid ten minutes of chasing him around and pinning him down. I also don't always get to pick what he wears anymore because he's starting to form strong opinions in that arena too. I can't wait to dress a little girl in all these adorable girly clothes. I still solidly hold my belief that baby boy clothes are equally as cute as girl clothes (baby bow ties, suspenders, and those darn newsie hats people!C'mon ) but I am way excited to have the best of both worlds here. 

My resident photographer is on call tonight so I got to take pictures of myself. Does anyone else feel like a complete idiot getting their picture taken? When you're taking a selfie you're just smiling dumbly at yourself. I know the solution would be to just not document every waking second of my life, but I really have liked looking back at pictures of me pregnant with Rowan and I'm sure I'll be sad if I don't do it this time around too. 

I look crazy because I actually am crazy. 

I could write a whole giant post about this, but I am going to squeeze it in here. There is something about being pregnant that makes me so confident and proud of my body. I definitely have moments where I feel like a giant hippo, but it's also such a special time of body pride for me. I'm actually gaining weight by the day, but that's what I'm supposed to do. I am growing a heart, a brain, a set of lungs, an entire human being. I don't have to do anything but keep breathing and eating in order for this baby to develop everything it needs to live on it's own. I have far too many friends who suffer from infertility and would love to complain about pregnancy symptoms. Those friends of mine are always on my mind and I try to think of them every time I feel like moaning about the injustice of sleeping with five body pillows. 

I also think back about how uncomfortable I was with my body in high school which is arguably the best I've looked. I was working out really hard everyday for track/cross country and obsessing about every morsel of food I was eating. I looked pretty darn good and I was miserable. I remember wishing so hard for a different body and practically hyperventilating at the thought of changing clothes in front of my teammates (who are likely some of the most beautiful people you've ever seen). I cared sooo much about how I looked. I probably didn't look like I did because I dressed like a homeless person, but I put thought into precisely how much of a runway ready hobo I wanted to look like. 

I now have a giant bowling ball of a belly, stretch marks, and can make an impressive amount of chins if I tilt my head down far enough. I wear makeup maybe once or twice a week. I actually lost my mascara a few weeks ago and keep putting off spending the $7.00 for a new one. You can spot my hair in a ponytail most days of the week. I get naked in front of strangers five days a week at the gym and don't care at all. Most of my gym friends are usually 80+ years old and not world's most gorgeous runners, but still a big step here that I don't mind baring it all. I find myself so much happier NOT caring. Someone asked me if I felt like I was letting myself go (people are really sweet sometimes) and I told them I felt like I was finally finding myself instead. Why would I care if anyone but Sel finds me attractive? Are there certainly perks awarded to those who are good-looking? For sure. Pick up Blink by my homeboy Malcolm Gladwell and read all about it. I used to spend a good portion of our first year of marriage feeling so self-conscious about my appearance and expecting Sel to pay me endless and personalized compliments  every five seconds to make me feel super good about myself. If he said someone was good looking, I immediately evaluated every aspect of that girl noting that is how Sel wished I looked. Can I please murder that past me? Gah. It's so much nicer for Sel (I think. I haven't asked him recently) to not have a wife who is so self-conscious. Now I just feel healthy, happy and am growing gradually more confident with who I am. I thank pregnancy and motherhood for making me realize my body is nothing short of a miracle machine. 

That was really, really long and I hate how many things I put in parentheses, but I luckily am not looking to be world's most attractive, pregnant author anytime soon.