Baby Boy #2

I haven't really talked about this pregnancy much even within close circles. It started off really confusing and stressful. It came at an ironic time too. We had just talked the night before I took a pregnancy test about seeing a fertility specialist. My cycle had been irregular for months (it had never gotten back to normal since having Lyra) and I was getting frustrated not knowing when or if to take a pregnancy test. I had a big bulk amazon pack I'd been taking for the last year and had decided to stop having them in the house for awhile. After two months of not taking any, I ordered more and had forgotten I had when it was delivered. I was watching a friend's kids and decided to just take one because that's all I ever do with my life. I threw it in the trash once I saw it was negative. While washing my hands, I glanced indifferently over at the trash. I wasn't angry or bitter that it was negative, I just knew to expect it by this point. Two dark lines were clearly showing up on the test in the trash. I took it out and stared at it for a moment. All the kids exploded outside the door and I went to put out the fire. With both Lyra and Rowan, I remember crying with joy and being overwhelmed with happiness when I first saw the positive. This time, I felt none of that. I just felt confused. I had just got out all my feelings about not being pregnant and now I was. I wasn't bursting to tell people like I had before. I wasn't even sure if I was going to tell Sel because we were seeing things so differently already about whether to seek extra help to get pregnant. 

The next week was miserable. I got an infection in my finger that required a month of antibiotics (and I'm allergic to the only100% safe antibiotic to take while pregnant), a good stretch of high fevers, and  I felt legitimately afraid I might die. I'm a natural worrier, but I had looked up stuff online about the way my infection was spreading and everyone in the medical field I talked to would creep me out by saying "That's really scary. Get to the E.R." I was worried and being excited about being pregnant was low on my list. I knew if the baby did make it, it could have complications from the medicine I was taking, my infection, the high fever. It was terrible. 

I had called my OB office a few days after finding out and my last period would have placed me about 8 weeks pregnant when I took the test. After my infection quieted down, I went in for my first ultrasound. It was just a black circle with no heartbeat. The technician kept asking me over and over again when my last period was then getting quiet. I told her things had been irregular and I'd told them I had no idea how far along I was. She finally stopped doing the ultrasound and told me not to get my hopes up. My OB gave me a similar sentiment, dating me about 6 weeks along and sent me home for a month to play the mental game of "Is this an alive baby or a blighted ovum? Am I going to miscarry today?" Every symptom I had of nausea could easily mean I just had a blighted ovum since your HCG still rises, but your baby isn't growing. With our other two, I would chatter endlessly about the future and planning for the next few months before their arrival. This time, I had to preface every comment about the future with "If this is actually a baby..." It was a month of sickly-tinged agony. 

When I went back in a month later, my friend who I had told about the situation sweetly watched my kids in case it went poorly. I cried in the bathroom before the ultrasound praying that I would have the strength to accept whatever outcome. At least I would be able to move past this in-between stage and either mourn or celebrate. I could hardly believe my eyes when I saw our little baby wiggling around with a strong heartbeat. He/She was doing crunches which Sel and I agreed is going to be vital to it's survival with Lyra as an older sister. I was elated. I texted Sel saying the baby was a baby and alive and well. I was SO happy! As the day passed, the happiness was still there, but it wasn't as marked still as our other two had been. The feelings from the last year and the last few weeks hung over me. I felt better talking about it a little bit over the next month, but still didn't want to tell many people.

 My SIL had done this mail order blood test with their fourth and I had decided when I found out I was pregnant to take the same thing. You have to be 9 weeks to send it in and I took it as soon as I reached that mark. It was a gory mess. You have to prick your finger and massage the blood into a vial. Blood spurted everywhere but in the vial. I kept having to prick my finger and just couldn't get in the direction it needed to go. It can be easily contaminated by anyone with a Y chromosome being around and Rowan kept trying to be by me. When he saw the blood, he wanted to give me a hug. "Here mom! It's okay! I'll get you a bandaid!" Haha it was a disaster. I got the results by the end of the week and it said BOY! We told both of our families and I was thrilled! I then started looking up online about whether other people had accurate results. Turns out, most reported about a 50% correct rate...which is the same as guessing. They return your money if it's wrong, but they were very much not acclaimed as being right. Either they guessed right or they are what they say they are! We are thrilled to have another baby boy 💙 I would have been happy with either one and feel so grateful for this seeet little guy!

Weeks 8-13 were full of constant nausea. I still feel lucky in my pregnancies since I'm not that death sick some poor woman are. I just feel irritable about eating. I would make a big fuss about wanting some type of food and then as soon as it was prepared or in our house, I would be repulsed by it. We had a lot of food go to waste that month. I had lost about 10 pounds with my first two babies in the first trimester, but I only lost about 5 lbs this time (and I needed that -10lb buffer more this time ;) I've gotten so good at eating through the pain because I'm just gifted. 

Despite how hard it started out, I have so much to be grateful for. With Rowan and Lyra, I would pass out at 8pm every night and could hardly keep my eyes open during the day. This time, I felt normal.  I think I've just adjusted to being tired most of the time. The past few months have really fortified my testimony and brought me closer to the Lord. I've felt love and strength in powerful ways. Now that I'm past the first trimester, I feel pretty spectacular 24-7. I get to exercise 5-6 times a week AND shower. Disney's claim to be the happiest place on Earth is false advertising since the title more accurately belongs to my local YMCA. I was afraid I would never reach a stage of being as excited as I am now and am eternally grateful for my mounting excitement and love of this baby.

Undecided and Untitled

I have used this as a space before to throw out feelings. It's been awhile though since time is a rare and precious commodity lately. It's mostly been a vehicle for occasional family journaling.

I don't really know how to start this since I barely know how to talk about it. I've always been better at writing though than talking and it's therapeutic for me to do it in a public way too. 

We've been trying to get pregnant for over a year. It's been a really difficult time for me. Mike has been understanding and tried to help, but we think about it so differently. He can go weeks without thinking about when or if we will have another, while it's something I hardly get to escape a day without thinking of. 

The hardest part of all has been how isolating it's been. I feel ridiculous talking to people who've tried for years to have children and suffered with primary infertility. Their pain and journey is simply different than my own. I've felt the push back from those who have gone through it when they know I have two kids who we easily had with zero months of trying and zero complications. They don't want to talk about how sad I am when they feel they would be so happy in my shoes. There are many who don't understand why I can't "just be grateful" for the two I have. I hate this phrasing because it implies by wanting another I somehow must not be grateful enough for the ones I do have. Of course I'm grateful for them. I adore them. I'm obsessed with them. I breathe for them. 95% of who I am on a day-to-day basis is purely to be their mother. I think because I know how wonderful they are is why I ache for another. I already know how incredible it is to see a personality blossom from infancy to toddlerhood. I already know how precious the time is with little ones and how quickly it is gone. I long for that next flavor because I taste how sweet having kids is everyday. I am so undeniable and continually grateful. 

Many have tried to slip me the "It's all part of the plan" lines. These are worst of all because I know they are coming from a place of personal peace for the giver of the phrase. They've likely looked back at their lives and seen a thread of foreknowledge and divinity. I do not deny in the slightest that God is completely aware of me and involved in my life. I believe that He is present and part of my day-to-day living. I do not believe he intentionally causes things to not happen or to happen that cause pain. I don't think he has chosen not to give us another child to teach me a lesson. I think THE lesson is that we came to Earth to learn and that comes through sorrow, disappointment, hope, death, faith, and life. How that pain comes doesn't feel tailor made for me. I strongly believe He wasn't responsible for various pain in my life. I don't think Heavenly Father leaves a woman infertile for ten years to teach her something that someone who gets pregnant from simply breathing by a man somehow already knew. I think he prepared both of those women he loves for those potential life outcomes. I'm sure as anyone looks back over their lives they see how present God was for every detail.  It's just really hard for me to match the all loving God I know with someone who supposedly picks trials for seemingly unknown and arbitrary reasons that will reveal themselves in the future for people to go through ( or who die through). I could go on and on about this, but I'll just leave this piece where it is. I don't think we haven't been able to get pregnant because God wants us to. I don't think he realized I was going to learn some important lesson by being denied this hope. MY plan to follow HIS plan is to believe that He is, love Him, and realize He is not to blame for my hardships. 

Many don't understand my "rush" to have another. It's been such a roller-coaster with being able to conceive Lyra while nursing Rowan and relatively quickly too. I saw and see so many blessings that come from our two being two years apart. I don't think there is a magic age that spells close sibling relationships and harmony. Mike and I discuss this topic endlessly to his dismay. I love my sister and am so grateful for her. That same reason made me long to have her in school with me more. Other than our limited years in elementary school together, we were never in the same school at the same time. I want my kids to have a sibling around if they want them. I'm sure there will be things they hate about it, but it could be a wonderful thing too. What Mike and I both usually settle on is that we can't predict what will happen with any age gap or gender and how that will play out with sibling relationships. Whether it's been wonderful or awful for others to have longer than a three year gap between their kids doesn't really change how it isn't the way I hoped it would go. Of course great things can come in all situations if you know how to see them. 

I often feel like I can't be justified in my pain. It's often downplayed or it's something I don't even want to discuss. I don't want people to know that I am somehow deficient or failing when it seems so easy for others. I can sense the pity from the few I have talked about it with and it makes me feel worse. I have one friend who has been such a rock for me through this and has been empathetic, intuitive and understanding. She seems to always know when to text me or check in on my feelings about it. I don't really blame anyone for asking when or if we will have another. Or for feeling bad for me. I just truly hate talking about it, but yet feel this crippling need to talk to someone, anyone who can understand. 

It's such a confusing box to be in. Another factor is that up until recently (and still occasionally) Lyra was nursing. Somehow nursing stopped my cycle from coming back until 18.5 months this time. It still hasn't become regular and has made it feel impossible to truly feel like we are "trying" when there isn't much to go off of. The general standard of seeking fertility help is after a year, but since I was nursing during that, I'm also not technically classified as having tried for a year. Why didn't I just stop to try and become pregnant? Good question. It's because Lyra was nowhere near ready to stop. At all. She was a wreck all day, everyday when I tried to par it down. I did various stints of weaning days for months. It mostly resulted in tears from both of us and frustration that it wasn't doing much. I 've been in denial as someone who got pregnant easily while nursing that this had to be completely eliminated. Everything out there will tell you it isn't really necessary in almost all cases to wean to get pregnant, particularly past 18 months of nursing. Some will tell you there is a very rare woman that needs to do this and that person is apparently me. This piece has been the hardest to talk about since it's another base for dismissal. I'm not infertile and it's been my choice to not get pregnant by continuing to nurse. If I really cared so much about it, I should have stopped. I just couldn't. I couldn't let go of the baby in my arms in hopes I would get magically pregnant that month. Mike tends to see the bright and shiny hope while I tend to see all the dark outcomes. Weaning felt so much like cutting off my baby without the assurance I would ever nurse one again. We are pretty much there with completely weaning (much to Lyra's dismay). 

I joined a secondary infertility group on facebook that was really helping for awhile. This last week a girl posted that she felt those who had been trying less than two years shouldn't be a part of the group because she'd been trying for four years for their third child. It was like the only tiny slice of understanding I was getting closed with an icy middle-finger. Another knock that I should truly get over myself since others have/had it worse. I know others have it worse. I know others spend YEARS trying to conceive with months upon months of disappointment, grief, and pain.   I know people spend thousands of dollars trying to get pregnant, dealing with medications and complications, miscarriages and stillbirths. Trying to get children for so many is just not remotely easy. 

Knowing others have it worse does nothing to make me feel better. It just makes me feel like a bad person for feeling badly when others feel worse. 

I do have hope and faith in the future and all I really wanted from this was to feel heard. To feel like the computer wouldn't wonder what was wrong with me and my body or think I am being irrational for feeling this way. It feels good to get to the end of the page even if I'm not much closer to being "over it". 

Rowan is F O U R

How did this happen? How did four years race by so quickly? 

Oh how that sweet baby become such a sweet child! Rowan continues to have such a tender, loving heart. He is thoughtful and selfless naturally. He is such a good first to our family because he set such a kind tone. 

He still gets angry and has his rage fits (just as he has since he was 8 weeks old), but they usually can be directed back to hunger, exhaustion, or general frustration at being misunderstood. The other day when I asked him why he was so angry, he said it was b

ecause I was paying attention to Daddy and Lyra, but not him. It broke my heart a little bit, but I was also pretty amazed a four-year-old was able to discern AND verbalize to me what was causing him to act out. His expression has been such a gift to us in so many ways. He has lots of feelings inside that tiny body and it helps that he's able to tell us about most of them.

He's a wonderful big brother still. He puts up with her tackling and general younger-sibling-bantering incredibly well. They get along mostly because he is easy-going. Row will get annoyed with her sometimes, particularly now that she can sneak in there and wake him up. For the most part, he wants her to play with him and spend time with him (which she most certainly is all about). 

He will be going to an everyday preschool starting the beginning of August. I'm excited for him, but also a little heartbroken. I love having him around and it will be so strange to have him gone for half the day. My greatest hope is loves school and learning. 

Rowan doesn't love social settings. Anything involving more than 1-2 friends is rough for him. The gym daycare and church tend to be his biggest struggles. We discovered if we send him with some maze or hidden picture books to the gym, he'll go without too much fuss. Church is still a struggle, but I'm hopeful that will change soon. A big contrast between my two children and their response to being around people was properly displayed last week. We showed up to the gym and saw that some kids were playing on the outdoor playset for the daycare. Lyra rushed to the fence shouting "FRIENDS!" and successfully started scaling the fence. Rowan sulked in the van still asking if he really had to go. My persuasion was going nowhere and he kept trying to bargain how long I would workout for. "How about 3 minutes mom?"

Me: "Sorry buddy. Longer than that. "

Row: "Fine! No minutes mom. You either get to pick no minutes or no minutes!"

I'm hoping preschool will help him with his dislike of being around groups. I don't particularly care for them myself, but I mostly cope with them without throwing things or ripping things. ;)

He LOVES video games. Loves them. He could play the Switch and our Wii all day if I let him. I feel like lately it fries his brain more than normal. He used to be excellent at stopping and acting normally afterward, but he gets more upset now. He is crazy active when he plays which I think is part of the reason he gets to upset. He sweats buckets and gets dehydrated from his video game jigging. It's the major benefit from letting him play because he just jumps and punches like a peppy aerobic instructor. 

He takes such pride in helping. Someone told me they try not to overpraise their kids which will undoubtedly be a fault of mine (is this truly a thing? Too much praise?). Rowan just BEAMS when we tell him he did a good job with something. It makes him want to help more and in other ways. He is such a good kid!

He is obsessed with green. Everything green makes him happy. If he sees a green car or house while driving, he'll yell (loudly and frighteningly sometimes). MOM! IT's A GREEN CAR/HOUSE! 

He has such a sweet budding faith. He has a cut on his finger and some new skin was at the edges and got pulled a little. Rowan let me know it was just Heavenly Father trying to figure out how to fix his finger for him. He'll encourage us to say prayers about things I rarely think about (like helping our garden grow, or not being tired, or being able to play games all day ;) ) 

Ninja turtles and power rangers are the coolest things around. Raph is the coolest turtle and Michaelangelo is hilarious. 

His imaginative play is still out the roof. Row has such a mind on him. He is more creative and clever than I often realize. I love overhearing him play with his toys and the worlds he creates with simple objects. 

He is so smart! We had him evaluated before pre-school and the evaluator said he was one of the top scoring kids in our district. He catches on quickly to things and does have that perfect child-like interest in something new. He's recently been really interested in learning different words in Spanish and thinks it's really fun to try and say words in his own made-up language. Ba-ba is a word used frequently when he feels uncomfortable. It's a little annoying, but I know he just doesn't know how to respond when he uses it. 

I could look at him all day. This love I feel for Rowan is just so consuming. He makes all of us better and is truly a gift. I appreciate every minute with him (even if he's throwing a fit) because it means he's all mine. My own. My precious. (said in my coolest Gollum voice). 

Thank you for being ours Rowboat! We love you!

The Endearing Lyra Rose

Lyra turns two this week! I can hardly believe it. She's already started the nasty habit of lying about her age and saying "I seven! I four!" and consistently denies she's about to be two. She doesn't want to be a big girl though, just a bebe. 

Lyra is intensely friendly. She'll walk up to any stranger and declare their life-long friendship before even knowing their name. She generally launches into some story about who knows what. Today, she went up to a teenage girl and told her about how many fingers she had. The girl was polite and listened intently as Lyra counted them "One-two-three-one-two-three-seven" 

Her favorite color seems to be blue. They eat gummy vitamins with breakfast and whenever I ask what color she wants, she says "BLUE!". There have never been any blue ones. 

Lyra is as hydrophilic as they come. She dumps any and all water she can find. It's painful and taxing. I will give her credit for being very dutiful in cleaning it up when I command her to. 

She loves to sing and be sung to. Every night she'll ask Sel or I to sing her "I Love to See the Temple" or "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star' over and over and over again. She usually joins in to excitedly scream random bits of the lyrics. 

We only wear dresses in this house. Trying to get her to wear shorts is like asking a lion to go vegan. It's not going to happen. Someone is going to get ripped to shreds. Even when I try to get her to wear little shorts under her dress, it is a futile battle. Anything girly, frilly, flouncy and fluffy is all this girl wants. She's also VERY into accessories. She loves hats, purses, sunglasses and earrings. 

Lyra still reminds me so much of an animal. The way she moves when she runs away from you while playing (or not playing and just trying to increase my step count and heart rate for the day) is like watching the Animal channel. She loves to hide and is impressively good at finding spots to do so. Her favorites are under the dining room table and behind my legs. 

Rowan and Lyra are the sweetest platonic love story around. They play together in a rough, crazy way that just works for them. Even though Lyra is SO rough on Rowan, he responds gently and with a laugh. They love to chase one another around the house mostly or play hide-n-seek. 

Lyra loves going to church and asks regularly if we can go today. She loves to dress up for it and play with friends and dollies. Honestly, any social outing is easy for her. She just enjoys being around people. Lyra gets so animated and excited about so many things, but particularly seeing her friends (actual ones and strangers too). She'll run full force shouting the name of her friend and crash-hug them. I mostly don't have to worry about her hitting, biting, pushing, or being too aggressive with them anymore. 

Despite her wildness, she is so very sweet. She gives tender hugs and kisses. She loves to give Sel some of her best hugs and kisses in the mornings or when he gets home from work. However, I should share the hilarious story of her telling Sel to go to work one night. When he's home, we alternate who puts who to bed. One of his nights to put Lyra down, all she wanted was me (which is unusual since she truly adores Sel). He tried to sing her some more songs and she yelled "Go to work Daddy! Go away!" Att-i-tude man. 

Lyra loves soup! yeah!!! Both Sel and Rowan are not big lovers of soup, but my gal pal and I could eat it for every meal. She loves broccoli, beans, apples, oats, cheese, and butter. So all things healthy, right? She has been known to open the freezer, take out a stick of butter, and just dig in until I find her and freak out. 

Lyra likes to announce that she's "tootsing out mine bum". She's even announced to people that "Mommy is tootsing out her bum" which is hardly embarrassing. 

She's starting to get some hair! It's really exciting because it has taken 24 months exactly for her to have enough to cover the top part of her head all the way. 

We got chickens and all four are just a few seconds from a broken neck anytime Lyra is around them. She will squish them into her chest saying "Goldie likes me! Hulk likes me!" until their panicked squawking stops and they almost lose consciousness. Sometimes she reminds me so much of Agnes from Minions. Her ponytail is often straight up and she just wants to squeeze anything that's fluffy. 

If I ever cry, she'll get right up in my face and say "Is okay mommy! Is okay mommy. I kiss it." It's both comforting and comical. She just gets sooo close to your face when she says it. 

She's still immune to pain. We found out she does have spina bifida occulta (thanks to her rad radiologist uncle looking at it for us). It's surprisingly common and does essentially nothing to her. I wondered before finding this out if she somehow had lessened sensation in her body because she is just unnaturally tough. Things that would have most toddlers sobbing for awhile she bounces back from in seconds. 

Quantity over quality with this one. She continually tries to carry as many stuffed animals, barbies, dolls, ponies, etc around as she possibly can. She and Rowan both have My Little Ponies and it doesn't really matter to her that he has Rainbow Dash, she just wants all of the ponies in her arms at all times. We know because we bought her a rainbow dash and she still tries to steal his. Stealing from Rowan is usually which evokes her skittish little animal run and cover. She'll snatch it then dart away to hide. While he tries to grab her, she'll sit there out of his reach and giggle. It's awful as a parent because a huge part of me just wants to sit there and laugh, while the adult part knows I can't laugh while my son is being the victim of such deviousness. 

Her language is still pretty impressive for a not quite two-year-old. I'm so proud of all she knows! I certainly didn't do much to get her to this level which makes her abilities even more impressive to me. 

I love this one of her! She looks so beautiful with those sun rays behind her and making her characteristic lip purse. 

Lyra is so endearing. My friend used that word to describe her the other day and it is so fitting. Her little quirks and the combination of her wild and sweet bits make her absolutely captivating. Even if one minute I am frustrated with her toddler antics, she finds a way to charm me right into a laugh. We love our little Lyra Rose! 

She only wants to wear sunglasses every. single. minute. 

Poor Goldie is getting a lot of love in that coop

Lately Baby

These two of mine are the absolute best. They make me crazy happy and also crazy crazy depending on the hour. 

Rowan: Is probably the best three-year-old that has ever lived. He is so obedient, kind, and sweet. His current favorite things are GAMES. Board games, video games, mind games, pretend fight games. He is a gamer through and through. Most mornings, he comes downstairs to find me and will ask to read the scriptures with me.  I think this is partially because he knows I will let him play games after it, but also because I do think they bring a special spirit into our home. The other day he was pretty tired and I asked him why he was so grumpy and he said "Cause I haven't read the scriptures today Mommy!" 

He is going to start a mini-preschool the end of March which he is NOT wanting to do. It will only be three days a week for 90 minutes which I think he will actually love once he gets going. Rowan is now a SUNBEAM! Nursery was impossible and terrible near the end, but he really loves going to primary. His one thing he struggles a little with his is overpowering desire to be picked to do things. If he does not get selected, the world borders on an early destruction. 

Winning is all that Rowan wants from life. This will serve him very well (hopefully) as he gets older, but it makes from some soul-shattering days of gaming. He's learning a little bit everyday how to be less upset and just enjoy the event of playing. 

Rowan seemed to struggle a little with numbers but after some Pinterest practicing ideas, he now has number recognition up to ten and we are working on our teens. 

Rowan can be a littttle dramatic at times. As I said before, he really is one of the best behaved little three-year-olds I've met. He listens really well and much like his father, has a natural instinct toward goodness. When he does have his moments, he has some pretty hysterical ones. Lyra can be a little rough and think it's a game. If she pushes him with all her 20-month-old strength, Rowan will throw himself across the room or into a wall and say "She PUSHED me! She needs to go in timeout!" 

I've noticed him seeking attention from strangers that Lyra is getting. If someone is talking to her or commenting about her, he will step in and try and copy Lyra. The other day at the dollar store, Lyra put a bucket on her head and ran straight into the wall. An older woman was laughing at her so Rowan grabbed a bucket and mimicked Lyra. I really appreciated that the woman turned her attention to him and said "You're really cute too!" It breaks my heart a little to notice the attention breaking from Rowan simply because he is getting older. He handles it well for the most part, but it's still sad. I'm hoping I can help him realize he can get attention in different, equally fulfilling ways by doing things that showcase how great he is as his sweet 3-year-old self. 

He wakes up consistently from 7:00-7:34am no matter what time he goes to bed. It's not an awful time at all, but I wish the nights we got him in bed late he would sleep in purely because he can be so tired and grumpy the next day. He does a good job taking quiet time now that it's become a pattern, but he never sleeps during it. 

We are going to Disneyworld in ten days and Rowan (and all of us!) are so incredibly excited. Rowan prays that "It will be March in two days and we can go to Disneyworld" pretty much everyday. Speaking of prayers, he will remember people to pray with forever. He consistently prays for Sel's grandparents who were in a car accident a few weeks ago, my dad, Baby Grace, Baby Kaio and some other people who come up. 

Lyra: Is still an animal. She has SO much personality. 

Lyra has some small little abnormalities we've noticed. She's missing a spinous process or something in her back that I can never stop thinking about. The pediatrician thought we should wait to do an x-ray because it would only expose her to radiation and it isn't currently bothering her. She'll say ouchie if I rub my hands down her back sometimes, but never a sharp yelp of pain or anything. She also has a ladybit adhesion which is extra sad. They gave me an estrogen cream to put down there and I don't know if its coincidental that she turns horrendously grumpy and horrible the next day or not. I have not been doing it because I cannot handle the PMS baby that happens the days I remember to do it. 

Lyra can talk really well and has an expansive vocabulary. Both Rowan and Lyra have been such good speakers and I don't really know why. I know we aren't doing anything special to really foster that and the only thing I can ever really think of is baby signing time. Either way, it is incredibly helpful to tempering tantrums and connecting with my kiddos. 

Lyra is still nursing. We tried a weaning night where Sel helped. It was three hours of tragedy. I will continue to wake up in the night for the next five years or so most likely. She sometimes will do really great and not wake up until the early morning hours 5/6am then go back to sleep until 8/9am. It's those random 1-3am night wakings that kill me. Lyra's also been really peppy when I go in there during the night. She'll be crying her eyes out and as soon as I walk in, the tears stop and she'll whisper "Hi mommy!" Eye roll. She gets her legs stuck in her crib a lot lately and the other day I was trying to maneuver her knee caps from their prison and she so sweetly said through her tears "Thank you mommy!" It was so tender

Lyra loves running from people. Chase is still her fave game, but she also has the drop coping mechanism. It's SO funny. If you scare her when she's coming around a corner or she starts to get really scared of Sel chasing her, she'll drop to the floor in a splay of baby arms and legs. She drops all four limbs at the same time like some sort of chipmunk. I wish I had a video of it. 

She loves her dollhouse. I love watching my kids imaginative play. She'll have her mommy doll come in and out the front door and put everyone to bed. Lyra's favorite thing is to put people to bed and pretend to go to bed herself. She's always been pretty good and going to bed on her own, but we discovered she HAPPILY goes to bed if we put 4-5 stuffed animals in her crib for her. She consistently needs to hold multiple everything- toys, dolls, animals. She is destined to have twins. 

We need a leash for her. She runs away so fast and is far too friendly. She'll go up to strangers, raise her arms up to be held and say "Hi friend!" It's terrifying. Luckily, most people are good people, but I always worry about it. 

She fears nothing. She loves dogs and all animals. When she heard my friend's dog whining behind the door the other day, she dropped down on her knees and reached her tiny fingers under the door saying "He sad. He crying". 

She is so blessedly easy when it comes to dropping her off at nursery or friends houses. She goes without looking back. Rowan STILL struggles way more with this. He would live at the house all day everyday if I let him. His desire to be around people is as strong as mine. It isn't that he dislikes them, it's the actual forced change that causes stress for him. 

Both Rowan and Lyra finally have a really solid friend base. They have friends that they get really excited to see and consistently interact with. 

I had TONS of photos that all got deleted from my phone. Here are just the ones I have since I fixed it. 

She's mostly an animal herself

Lyra will jump onto things like this all the time. The other day at Aldi, Sel was with us and I couldn't find Lyra. I thought she was with him, he thought she was with me. It turns out she was with both of us. She had crawled under the cart to that bottom rack and was laughing SO hard while we looked around for her. YIKES! What is TWO going to look like on this girl?!

Swim lessons. He loved going to them and hopefully I can figure out ways to get Lyra from trying to ruin his happiness by drowning herself. 

Valentines day pancakes that Rowan made ALL by himself. He LOOOOVES to cook and is actually pretty fantastic at it. Between the two of us cooks, he makes less mess and less mistakes than I do. He is also the cutest chef in our house