It's the Climb

I have been doing a lot of soul searching lately. And you know what I have found out? Not much. Except for this very inspiring bit from my BFF Miley, “Ain’t about how fast I get there, Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side, It’s the climb. Yeah!” Thank you my poetic friend. In all seriousness though, I have had to learn recently it really is about appreciating that I have a journey to navigate through opposed to a set course. I might not fully appreciate it yet, but I am learning.  I still might hyperventilate once a week cause I feel like I need to make decisions RIGHT NOW that will determine the rest of my life. I feel as if I have so many options to pick from right now and all of them seem like the right thing. All of my potential paths have some intensely intimidating aspects to them. All of them also have potential to give me unbelievably rewarding and meaningful experiences. What I have learned during this “climb” is that I factor others opinions a bit too heavily into my personal decisions. I am all about getting advice from others, but I find myself resenting some for their opinion on what I should be doing with my life as if they have already forced their idea of my best life course upon me. It turns out, I get to choose. I have been blessed with the agency to make decisions that will define my life.  I also have the choice to stop caring whether someone cares about what I care about. If I want to become an exotic dancer, I freaking can. If I want to buy a farm and make all the animals wear colorful rainboots (seriously how cool would this be?), I can. If I want to ride through the desert on a camel, I can.  I feel as if I was really good about not caring what others thought when I was in high school. I wore whatever the heck I wanted (usually spandex, my dad’s old, oversized MIT  sweatshirt and rain boots), I did what I loved and for the most part, cared little what others had to say about my choices. I need to resurrect that part of me that has slowly become dormant. Also, I don't plan my life half-arsed (almost swearing...mostly I can't find a phrase that better replaces this one. If you know of one, please lemme know ASAP so I can be more articulate in the future). I am either 110% doing one thing or the other. I am going to OT school to be the best freggin OT in the universe. I am getting a Ph.D in sociology and going to save the world. I am going to be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. I have come to the conclusion that I am just going to be more general from now on when someone asks about my game plan for life. So, if you ask me what I am planning on doing with my life in the near future, I am going to tell you I am planning on being happy. I am planning on celebrating everyday of this exciting part of my life. I am planning on keeping my options open. I am going to set goals and allow myself to break them without regrets. I am going to listen to God and thank Him every day for my blessings. I am going to listen kindly and respectively when you tell me what is “best for me” and then draw a mustache on a googled picture of you and throw nerf darts at your head. I am going to respectively let you do what makes you happiest and not comment on it one ounce to you or any one else. And most of all, I am going to whatever I discover is the best path for MYSELF. Happy travels world!