Last night Sel and I were driving home from Idaho, when we somehow got to talking about beauty pageants. (Probably cause one of us said one of our favorite Honey Boo Boo Chil' phrases)
Sel turned to me and asked, "Have you ever thought how beauty pageants even came to be?"
I had thought about it before, but never came up with as concrete and historically accurate version that Sel did after that question. Without much ado, here is Sel's take on how beauty pageants came to be.
A bunch of old dudes running the town were sitting in a meeting when one of them said,
"I have an idea for how to get young girls to get almost completely naked in front of us! For free!"
Of course all the old men folk were interested as their previous attempts had disatrously failed and they were tired of spending money on strip clubs.
"We will hold a contest to see who is the fairest in the land and the whole criteria is they have to walk around in front of us in bathing suits!"
"Well, I really like when young girls dress up all fancy like. We should have that be part of it too!" chimed in another old man.
"Oh! I love it when girls do gymnastics or twirl batons! We should have a talent show in the contest too!"
Finally, the wisest of all the town leaders, gave his two cents.
"Gentleman, no one is ever going to let their daughters do something like this so we can all oogle them. We need a better plan than this. In order to mask our original intent of making girls do the things we think make them beautiful, we will have a speaking portion. We will ask them random questions that seem really important to make sure no one catches on that this is just a way for us to fufill our desires."
All the townsmen cheered!
"I think we should be extra careful and call it a scholarship program! No one will be able to say anything negative if it is all in the name of education"
No one cheered this time. There was a moment of silence as all the men in the room looked at one another with tears in their eyes. The fantasies they had entertained for years were about to become a reality.
No longer would they be creepy, slightly perverted old men. Now, they would be respected for their ability to judge the beauty of young women.
Who would have thought such an insignificant moment would become such a hallowed event? An event that has brought us the ever real, ever impressive entertainment of Honey Boo Boo. So grateful for my historian of a husband :)
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