No Mom Left At Home

Sometimes someone, usually mom, leaves the workplace to stay home with the kids, which then leaves her earning a lower wage for the rest of her life as a result. And that’s not a choice we want Americans to make.“


I know the internet is already booming with clever written retorts to Obama's statement, but I wanted to chime in a bit too. I have actually been giving the stay-at-home life a lot of thought lately so the President's timing couldn't have been better. Thanks Barrack for being so in tune to my inner thoughts. And no, I really don't care if he misspoke or not, he just set up a good stage for me to jot down some thoughts.


I did not want to be a stay-at-home mom most of my life. I have a journal entry from when I was 14 vehemently declaring that I would never settle for "settling down". I was worth so much more than being tied down to a husband and kids. I was going to become somebody that history books wrote about. At 14, I was pretty sure I wanted to be an actress. At 16, I think I was looking at being a world renowned marine biologist. By 18, I was dead set on entering the medical field and would likely be the one to cure cancer. Age 20 brought talk of traveling the world and studying different cultures. Now at the ripe old age of 24, I can't think of a better dream than the one I am already living. I am so grateful that I have not remained a stagnant being for the last ten years. My expectations of greatness at 14 and 24 are complete opposites. The  perception of my self worth at 24 is infinitely greater than at 14 despite the fact that I am tenderly holding a 3-month-old instead of a Nobel Peace Prize. I made a human being! I still can't get over how incredible my body is for pulling off such a miraculous thing.


I worked full-time for a fairly short blip on my life' timeline (assuming I die in 20+ years and not tomorrow...). I started working full-time every summer from the time I was 16 until I graduated. After graduating, I flocked with a good chunk of my peers to a typical 8-5 life. It didn't take me long to acknowledge that my career choice might not be what I wanted to do the rest of my life. I started researching grad programs again hoping for some inspiration. I distinctly remembering staring blankly at all the offered programs and not feeling the least bit interested in anything offered. Or at least not interested enough to sign up for another few years of schooling and student loans. I went through a rough patch for a while trying to figure out my life's purpose. My poor husband could tell you alllll about that fun time I had trying to "find myself". Now that I am in the thick of sleepless nights, piles of dirty laundry, bodily fluids like nobody's business, and a life completely owned by a tiny being, I can honestly say I want to do just this for the rest of my life. This staying at home thing is enough for me. I thought I was going to long for the structure and purpose of working, but I haven't even felt a little bit like I wanted more than this. I have days that I want to high five myself for making it through the last 24 hours with both Rowan and I in one piece and I have days where I feel like  a freaking super hero for having accomplished all my to-dos. My personality perfectly matches this SAHM thing and I count my lucky stars all day (and sleepless night) long that I even have the option to pick between working and staying home.

Both my mother and mother-in-law worked while they had little ones around. I applaud them more than I could ever say. I also applaud my co-workers who had to wade through the difficulties of having kiddos and working full-time.

 I have seen the Dayquil/Nyquil commercial over the past few days and laughed a little thinking about it. If you haven't seen it, a woman knocks on the door asking to take a sick day. The camera pans over to her "boss" who is an adorable little toddler. It's true what they say in the commercial that moms and dads don't get to take sick days. You know what is kind of worse than a stay-at-home mom not being able to take a sick day? A working mom who has to portion the amount of sick days she will take for herself and the sick day she will take to tend her sick kids. The odds are she is probably going to have to tough out the days she would normally call in sick for herself so she will have enough time off for when her kids get sick. Being a working mom is haaarrd. Harder than I could imagine. I have intense bouts of anxiety at the thought of leaving Rowan with anyone for longer than a few minutes. Working moms have to leave their kiddos with someone for hours a day and trust that  those caretakers will love their littles enough to take exceptional care of them. Working moms are amazing! I am so grateful for the women of the world who are able to juggle all that they do.
I honestly don't think one way of life is ultimately better than the other (working moms vs stay-at-home moms) or that one is inherently more difficult.  Both paths are going to be hard and both are going to see their fair share of incredibly joyous moments. If there is one thing I have learned from the last 3 months of being a parent, it's that everyone is unique, everyone's child is unique and everyone is going to have their own way of running the family show.  I wish there was less shaming that seems to come from either side and more support for people who are braving the tremendous task of raising children. Parenting is hard enough all on its lonesome and could certainly do without the worry of criticism from fellow parents. If we tell our kids to play nice, I feel like we should probably do them a solid and show them how.

Anyway, I know that the next ten years will likely bring a few paradigm shifts of their own, I am  100% sure that the center of my world will be forever constant. Rowan and Sel plus any other littles we will throw into the mix are my constant variables in my life equation. I can't imagine a better adventure than the one I am on right now.

 (Ps Sel came up with the title for this post and had a whole bunch of clever things he thought I should address in it. Kid needs to get his own blog so he can dazzle the internet with his charm and intellect)