Skiing Mount Doom

Ever since I can remember what family home evening/friday family fun night was, there was always the suggestion of cross-country skiing thrown about as the possible activity. It was often shot down by the idea of instead eating hordes of popcorn and other unhealthy food items at the local theater. That, or my sister and I would get in such an epic fight that all fun would be canceled for that week. I also believe my parents were beginning to realize their eldest daughter was a constant attractor of obscure life threatening situations. As per my years are numbered and it is only a matter of time before my black cloud eats my soul, I decided it would be wise to scratch cross-country skiing with the fam off of the bucket list. I believe this idea was supported in part by my father's desire to measure Sel's "worthiness" of dating his bouncing ball of joy. Since , jousting, head-hunting, the giving of barnyard animals and climbing world's largest mountain weren't ideal sounding options over Christmas break (though they will probably occur within the coming year), cross-country skiing was chosen as the test. As my sister, poptart, Sel and myself started the trek to Doughnut Falls, it became all too apparent who was going to be required by their immediate skill, elegance, and suprising abilities to try out for the next Winter Olympics: Me. Haha, gotcha! Unless they wanted to hire me to give the athletes a little boost of hope in going against the rest of the world.
"Alright athletes. Gather round. We are going to watch this girl try to cross-country ski as our warm-up today. It will be entertaining and the warm-up part will come from you all skiing her back down the mountain to a hospital"
Poptart and the second born glided through the enchanted wonderland like little fairy princesses . Yes, even the tall, dark headed fellow who married my lovely mother resembled a fairy princess. I have pictures to prove it. Sel kindly stayed behind to keep me company despite his ever present ability to join the two graceful fairies on the distant horizon. At one point, we reached a decent sized hill that reduced me to popping off my skis and walking up. My blood related slave was one determined little thing and crawled up the hill with her skis attached and the muscular Sel huffed it to the tip top too. Then came the hill that defeated us all. I have currently named it Mount Doom. The only difference really was that we were going down it, there probably isn't lava burning beneath it's surface, my finger wasn't reduced to a bloody stump by a peculiar anorexic creature suffering from bi-polar disorder and lung disease, we weren't in Mordor and we didn't have the ring of power. Oh and no one touchingly said with fierce tears in their eyes "I might not be able to carry your ski's Lauren, but I can carry you" I believe the fall down count was
Poptart: II
Girl who should have listed to me more as a child: III
Sel: IIII
Me: IIIIII
I was ultra prepared for the frozen tundra as per I was wearing my Grams' gardening gloves. And since I have excellent circulation, my fingers started to look like a double rainbow minus all the colors once we reached the falls. Which, may I insert, were spectacular! It was beautiful! We took off our ski's, hiked up the mountain, and crawled into a little opening into the cave of wonders. We also fell into the pool that transported us to the time of the Nephites. It was a grand old time. Sel proved his manliess to my father after realizing he would be dating a girl with nubs as hands and giving me his warm winter gloves. My kindly father then passed off his gloves to Sel as a sign of acceptance, appreciation, and acknowledgement that Sel has survived dating me and my black cloud thus far. Though I have some pretty bruises from the experience, cross-country skiing was probably the best part of break. :) Maybe head-hunting will be the family christmas activity for next year...Other than the vicitm, the likelihood of my family and I getting hurt is minimal ;)

L

Sleepovers

This is what I remember from my childhood sleepovers: The day I was supposed to go over to a designated friends house for a sleepover would be full of overwhelming joy and excitment. I would spend the whole day asking my mom how long until we left and make her help me pack and repack my dinosaur backpack. You never knew what sort of adventures awaited you at the legendary sleepover. An attack from a T-rex, a random exploding volcano that forces you to jump from rock to rock to avoid falling into the lava, a prince that begs you and your friend to help him defeat an evil witch who stole his kingdom who ends up turning you and your friend against one another as you viciously fight who gets to kiss the imaginary prince until the more genius friend with brown hair invents a brother to the prince who is equally as charming and heroic.
As soon as my mom dropped me off, my friend(s) and I would zoom around the house and yard with the spastic energy children are so privy to. After a semi-exhausting romp, we would go into the house and entertain ourselves until the sun went down. As soon as it did, the world seemed to transform into what people in the 60's probably experienced when they took LSD while playing Candyland (I hear this happened alot. Ask your parents if you don't believe me. If they deny it, you know they are lying cause no parent would admit to their child they ever did drugs or played Candyland :) Any food source in the house that had even a trace of sugar or saturated fat was devoured by our little mouths. In our elated sugar high, we would run up to friend's room or down to the basement to commence the ever thrilling episode of "Truth or Dare". Since I was a very socially capable child, "Truth or Dare" became a bit overwhelming due to the enormous amount of friends present at the sleepover. After a disappointing duet round of the game, my friend and I would decide it was time to tell scary stories. Scary stories generally lasted for about ten minutes until both of us were too terrified to even think of breathing. Our fear instantly drained our sugar induced energy high and it became high time for us to slip into our sleeping bags. This is where the real scary story would start for me. I would stare with eyes wide at the foreign place I was currently laying in. The dolls that only hours ago were my playmates became Chucky's demonic children. Shadows of monsters and ghosts began to populate the walls. The Hansen brother's images transformed from adolescent heart throbs to flesh hungry werewolves. I would spend the whole night debating whether to call my mom and beg her to come pick me up. When I would finally be released from the prison known as friend's house, I would be banned from ever having a sleepover again. Enough time would pass that I began to think a sleepover wouldn't be such a bad thing and the vicious cycle would start again.

Last night marked another sleepover moment. My dad, sister and I opted for a sleepover in my grandma's living room. We popped in a movie and all fell asleep within the first twenty mintues. I awoke a few hours later with an instant feeling of dying. I was sweating buckets as per I was in my onsie, my glasses were smooshed into my face, there was a witch laying in a lair of blankets on the floor beneath me and a dragon was snoring away in the arm chair. Since I had spent so many sleepovers vanquishing queens and dragons and rescuing sugary substances from evil clutches, I knew exactly how to escape from my dire situation. I hopped, skipped and jumped to the kitchen with relative ease and located the half gallon of ice cream in my grams' freezer. The dragon, also known as my father, found me nestled into the corner of the kitchen with my half gallon of joy just as the sun began to peak over the mountains. Thank you childhood sleepovers for teaching me all the survival skills anyone could ever ask for. :)

Pocket Full of Sunshine

Tada! Another semester survived! The week of finals (which I can hardly believe was only last week) was typically stressful, but uniquely wonderful. I kidnapped a random feller in a onsie for his birthday (and received a carnivorous plant currently named Seymour aka VENUS FLY TRAP) . The woman who birthed me and her second favorite child came on Tuesday, my longest childhood friend married her lover on Wednesday, and I disappeared into the vortex of library death until Friday night. Then the fun really started-I left for a random road trip with Sel at midnight to Idaho Falls. We jammed to the gem of a station that played non-stop 80's music and also had a truly "special" moment on a random back road in Malad that probably starred in House of Wax and Texas Chainsaw Massacre. The party that commenced at Sel's house was fantastically epic. Party events: running in the snow, tour of IHS, viewing of the black lighted video game bathroom, shaving stray cats, lots of naps, onsie photo shoot, Youtube night, throwing a siesta with all of Idaho Falls' Hispanics, taking pictures for Father's Day, sledding down the ceiling of a cathedral, describing my Harry Potter alternate life to Sel's ever accepting family, and watching the flame of eternal Hogwarts love blossom in Sel's father heart. I have never seen a HP fan develop so quickly in someone. One of the better weekends of my life I daresay. Here are some recommendations for all to start your Christmas week off right

1. Sleep in-everyday. Including Christmas morning.

2. Blog about your Little Dancing Man cousin

3. Do a "drug deal" in the TJ Maxx in Salt Lake City

4. Hold three battles (only three) between two snow leopards and a polar bear to see who would win. Or between a seal and a pack of dancing penguins. Or a jumbo shrimp and an Alaskan King Crab. I would place my money on the jumbo shrimp-mostly because I would rather eat a jumbo shrimp than a king crab...

5. Fly in the award winning horror novelist who happens to have donated your other X chromosome

6. Avoid strangling yourself with Christmas lights after spending far too much time cooped up in your grandma's house that believes it still belongs in the 1960's (aka no internet)

7. Instead of reading Dickens' commonly read novel during this time of month, read his other beautiful novel, A Tale of Two Cities

8. Calculate a way to split oneself so one could maybe be in Idaho Falls with Sel at the same time the other half of oneself was in Utah.

9. Try not to destroy your beta cells and develop Type II diabetes by eating an overwhelming amount of chocolate, cookies, candy, candy canes, cauliflower, other foods that start with C.

10. Watch the Nativity Story-seriously one of the best movies I have ever seen. I may or may not have shed a tear of two while watching it in the back of a van whilst enjoying the spacious leg room with Sel.

11. Write the annual Christmas rap that puts Akon, Eminem, and 50 Cent to shame.

12. Wrangle up some flying reindeer, Stephen's Peppermint Hot coco, break into people's homes via a chimney, and spread Christmas joy to everyone by helping them learn the joy of sharing puppies, cars, ipods, really snazzy socks, plane tickets to exotic places, and moose shirts with a random, though very sweet and clever stranger who breaks into their homes on Christmas Eve night.

May your sanity reside with you all during the holidays! I am accepting bets on the battles described in Christmas Advice Point #4 in the form of cash or check or new cars or new laptops or food. :)

Ancient Children Finding Their Voices

In honor of the speedy advancement of the dreaded finals week, I have decided to list positive things about my classes this semester to remind me I didn't completely detest them (as I surely will in only a few days).

1. Physiology: Since I got to have this class four days a week directly after lunch, I got in some really great naps in this class. I conquered (if only briefly) my trigger of passing out upon drawing blood from my body. I learned everything imaginable about Dr. Rhees' health problems. I learned things that reminded me why I thought it would be a good idea to be an exercise science major.

2. Physics: Dr. Stokes = entertainment. Never a dull moment while listening to him further prove my theory he has Aspergers and making poor college students curse the moment they raised their hand to ask a question. The friends I made in this class have been life-savers. I wonder what I would have done had I not forced by poly friend into playing hang man, tic-tac toe, and "would you rather" with me every class period. What would I have done had my neuroscience genius bud not navigated my physics group through every Wednesday night torture lab?

3. Chemistry 107: .......um......this class was the source of 80% of my school hater moments. Okay, so mixing a bunch of elements together was pretty interesting and my two lab partners were VERY patient with my black cloud. When I poured sulfuric acid on my foot, it forced me to throw away a holey scooby sock I was refusing to part with. The 100% on my practicum made me believe in miracles.

4. Music Civ: My lil Aussie, American hating, Mo-tab singing professor was fantastic. He fully acknowledged that 8AM was a preposterous time to hold class and luckily didn't grade on attendance (much to the saving grace of D and I's grade). I found a song written for my voice. (Ancient Children Finding Their Voices-Crumb). D and I had a grand old time watching our freshman row friends laugh hysterically at everything Dr. Howard said.

5. Mission Prep: Wow! What didn't I love about this class? Brother Bott, watching Sarah announce she was engaged, learning more about the gospel than I ever imagined I could in a few short weeks, loving every single second of class.

6. Weight Lifting: The only reason I didn't balloon into a beached whale. Being blessed by my weight lifting partner. He will probably never read this (as many won't), so I feel okay about ranting about how remarkable this boy is. My friend is a brilliant mathematician. He recently rocked the LSAT well enough to apply to Harvard and Stanford with a high probability of being accepted. He is by far the most positive human being I have ever met. He also has cerebral palsy. I have had a lot of days this semester (tonight included) where I walk out of the testing wondering why I am majoring in exercise science. (Insert vent: no matter how long I study, how hard I try, how prepared I feel, how many study guides I make, I continually get terrible grades. That stupid, stupid screen in the testing center is all too eager to flash "Failure" back to me every time I take a test.) My friend has been a ray of sunshine reminding me why I am shaming myself by taking these classes. If I continue down my career path, I could help people like Michael. People who are constantly humbling others with their strength, optimism, faith, and love. I asked him today what his favorite part of the semester was, his response was "Going to ward prayer with you that one night". As I struggled to discover what great event happened that night, Michael filled my pondering silence with a beautiful expression of how it is the little things in life that make it wonderful.

In all, this semester has been a truly, truly blessed one. I have had certain people come into my life that have changed it for the better (Michael, Sel, Sel's relations, above mentioned classmates). Am I still pretty darn confused on my future life course? You bet. Who isn't though? Do I constantly wish I was reading about the kinship systems of different cultures or preparing my thesis for a field study to Ghana or aching that I could have said yes to my professor's request to change my field study to Kaokaland? oooohhh boy, do I! Am I happy with all that has happened and certain I will continue to be happy? Response to rhetorical question with another rhetorical question: Is listening to Josh Groban whilst eating Milka one of the most amazing experiences a living being can have? :)

Random Thoughts

About a year ago, I read an article that changed my life. A man posted 3 pages worth of random thoughts about life. This is the article if you so wish to enlighten your life with it's profound wisdom http://www.albanian.com/v4/showthread.php?t=28550. (Warning:he does use some vulgar language a bit, BUT the rest of the article is hilarious enough to make one forget about it) My favorites are: "I wish googlemaps had an avoid ghetto routing option"(would have been especially helpful on my terrifying excursions to Detroit or Pontiac), "Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart", and "How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?".
I have been compiling a list today of random thoughts I feel the internet world needs to ponder. Here goes:
1. While I understand the genius of inventing a toilet that flushes itself, there is nothing worse than one that forcefully sprays its automatic demon robot possessed self everywhere while you are still stuck in the bathroom stall
2. I hate having to pass strangers who are walking in the same direction I am. You can't simply walk a few feet behind them because you could be mistaken for a creepy stalker type. You absolutely can't walk next to them. You either have to fall behind a significant distance and attempt to keep at a slow pace or you must drastically increase your pace to pass them. Oh and you must keep your eye line rigidly on the horizon or on the ground as you pass them-NEVER turn your head to acknowledge them.
3. Every single class has the annoying kid who raises their hand to ask a question that makes them seem smarter. My favorite professors are those who completely destroy the kid with their response demonstrating to the rest of the class they won't stand for such obnoxious questioning.
4. Drawing from thought number three, I sometimes want to put my hand over the mouths of those students who argue with professors in a class of 100+ students about test questions. They have a Ph.D, wrote the test, and have all power to fail you-you don't even have your associates yet and obviously don't care that the rest of us want to learn something other than how unjust you feel a question was that everyone else understood . Shush.
5. Facebook is a most excellent tool for stalking without crossing an legal boundaries. When people tell me they don't stalk people on facebook, I know they are liars and I should never trust them with anything important.
6. I feel that Harry Potter nerds are more socially acceptable than Star Trek nerds. This is a bias, but very true fact.
7. My spelling abilities without the aid of T9 and spell check would make my third grade teacher cry. I feel these two things were invented to comfort all who sometimes ponder on the ridiculous conventions of English language. Related quote: "I' before 'e' except after 'c' and when sounding like 'a' as in 'neighbor' and 'weigh' and on weekends and holidays and all throughout May and YOU'LL ALWAYS BE WRONG NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY!!!!" Thank you Brian Regan
8. I wonder if the words for reproductive organs are so gross sounding because of what the word actually references or whether the word itself is unappealing to the auditory senses.
9. I have decided there was a nation wide club organized among parents in the 90's to help their children develop a solid character instead of relying wholly on looks to get through life. They achieved their club goal by cutting their children's hair in the ugliest way they would possibly imagine (please reference your elementary school pictures as proof: mullets, bangs, bowl cuts, excessive amounts of gel or hairspray, rat tails etc).
I am opting not to write a tenth thought to live true to the name of it being "random" thoughts instead of an even list of well organized processes. :)