365 Days of Sel

So technically it is 2 years of Sel...so sue me. Here is a stolen timeline my mother-in-law found on pinterest

August 2010: Sel and L Meet

September 2010: Sel and L go on their first date to Pita Pit and the Marionette Show

October 3, 2010: Sel and L get lost..in love ;) 

January 28, 2011: Sel gives the most creative, romantic and perfect proposal a girl could ask for. Our waitress said yes before I did...

August 12, 2011: Sel and L become Mr. and Mrs. 

August 12, 2012: They announce to the blogging world they will be parents in 6 short months. (Joke. It's a joke mom, chill out ;)

I recently re-read a bit of one of my favorite books, Wuthering Heights and was struck by how much I related Catherine's love for Heathcliff to my love of Sel (minus the dramatic ties of revenge, betrayal, cruelty and darkness, which let's be honest, make Wuthering Heights so undeniably wonderful)

Here is her quote to Nelly about her love for Heathcliff

"...because he’s more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same, and [Edgar’s] is as different as a moonbeam from lightning, or frost from fire."

There are parts of Sel and I that are as different as a moonbeam from lightening or frost from fire. Sel perfectly fills in the aspects of my personality that are lacking. Yet, so much more than such a cliche of "completing me", Sel is more of myself than I am.  

For the past two years that I have been blessed to call him my own, I have struggled with inaccurate memories. Times where I will turn to him and say "Remember when we did this together?" or
"Remember that one time we were here and saw this thing?". Sel will look at me blankly and point out that my memory was five years before we ever met. 

Memories like these where I logically know there was no way Sel was present flood my mind day after day. How could Sel have been at my 10th birthday party? Or at that one cross-country meet in high school? Or played with me when I was grounded as a child? Yet, he is there. Somehow Sel is woven into those memories I treasure most, those memories that define me. The beautiful, unique undertones of his personality shine brilliantly in my memory. He was there, not as a faded, ghostly figure, but as the dazzling thread of emphasis. True to our wedding song, I knew I loved this boy long before I met him. 

I guess I cannot accurately use the timeline above because I will never be able to pinpoint the time in my life where I looked around and went, "Ah, there is a new presence in my life, a new meaning. A new someone to look forward to meeting". When I first met Sel, my soul didn't resound excitedly with " There you! Where have you been hiding?" My soul felt like it always had, it was my mind that changed. It was my mind that realized my long time playmate, friend, and companion had a physical form I was unaware of until that point. My body now had another body to call home, to call self. I became a bit more anchored to Earth because I knew once I met Sel why having a body even mattered. 

I know I am treading dangerously into poetic waters of which I am certainly no captain, but I can never seem to simply express in the common tongue what Sel is to me. I cannot seem to capture the way I feel when he smiles, or holds me, or laughs, or furrows his perfect Scottish brow, or does something so achingly sweet for me that I can merely utter "thank you" and "I love you" over and over until the most sincere words of the English language sound grossly inadequate. 

I am so grateful to have had Sel fully with me for these past two years and I am so grateful that I know he and I will be an "us" forever. 

Happy One Year Husband :)