The Treat Streak

I am a notorious treat addict. I feel like it has ruled my life for the past few years and I've hated it. For awhile, I thought maybe my love of chocolate made me endearing the way it does my adorable grandmother. The thing is, my grandma weighs maybe 80 lbs soaking wet and solely eats chocolate whereas I'm rockin my all time high in weight and eat plenty other than chocolate.When I say " I have a crazy sweet tooth" people are like, "yeeeah. We can tell".

Talking about weight is so awkward and painful. Or at least it is when there is actual weight to talk about. I went around in high school calling most of the student body fat to their faces then laughing hysterically about it. I could do that because everyone looked like they did cross-fit 8 hours a day while popping kale like candy. (Why is kale somehow the definition of healthy? I'll see things at the store touting it's undeniable magical power of having kale in it and daring you to chose obesity over kale). Joking about weight lately is more a way to somehow acknowledge to those I'm talking to that I know I'm chubby right now and they don't need to secretly wonder whether I realize my need to get it together.

It's not just the baby weight thing. I had a similar pattern with Rowan where I gained a very healthy, low amount during the pregnancy while exercising and mostly eating healthfully then BAM! Nursing starts and I devour everything in sight. While most people are off shedding their baby weight, I guess my thing is to not only NOT lose weight, but to gain it. I could sit around blaming hormones and all that jazz, but the undeniable fact is I've needed to clean up my eating act for awhile now. I've been lucky to love exercise for most of my life. I've been unlucky enough to love sweets and lack any semblance of self-control. The writing has been on the wall for awhile now and birthing a second child has made it start flashing in giant neon letters. I've always felt a bit of a fraud because I love all things nutrition. I love reading anything there is on it, watching every documentary available, scouring health blogs and I do really love munching on most things "healthy". My passions tend to not line up with how I look which makes me feel like I can't really talk about it. No longer! This post is to declare my dedication.

I went to visit my parents last week and essentially ate an entire carton of ice-cream and two chocolate bars within two days. On the way home, I called Sel and told him how depressed I was that I lacked all self-control. I told him I felt doomed to a life of being over-weight and why try to avoid it anyway. Bless Sel's believing, motivational heart. He gave me his best inspirational pep talk and made me realize the whole thing about being healthy is a constant, life-long battle and one worth fighting. I deserve to be healthy. I owe it to my family and myself to be the healthiest I can. I committed myself to going on a "treat streak" 7 days ago and have yet to put a sugary morsel in my mouth. I'm mostly amazed that I made it a week already. I honestly don't think I've EVER gone that long for the last two years. I don't plan to forever swear off treats, but to have one on ACTUAL celebrations. Instead of ice-cream because it's a Tuesday! Yay! How about ice-cream for an anniversary or a birthday? And maybe just one bowl instead of seven on said celebration? I am just so tired of being ruled over by an inanimate object. I'll be documenting some things over here about this whole journey to keep me accountable and because I enjoy writing. SO if you love me, keep that delicious chocolate to yourself or mail it to my grandma.

Lyra Rose 2-Months

Little Lyra (who is not so very little) is two months old! 

She is a dream baby! I worry that talking about it too much will jinx this wonderful thing we have going right now. 

Lyra sleeps about 8-9 hours a night! I worship her for this. It is the number one thing that can make all other things either horrible or marvelous. I know that because I didn't sleep for two years with Rowan and have slept better the past few weeks than I have in my entire parenting career. I know that four month sleep regression is staring me down from over yonder, but I'm just going to enjoy the blessing of my sleeping beauty while I can. She doesn't really take long naps like she used to.her longest nap clocks in around an hour if we are in the car. Speaking of the car, she is happy as can be back there until the car stops moving. Ideal for highway driving, not so great for all those annoying stop lights and stop signs around town. 

Lyra weighed in at 14 lbs 1 oz at her appointment (93%) and 24.5 inches (98%) for height. I looked back at Row's stats and he was the same weight, but 1.5 inches longer. She packs it in to that smaller, adorably chunky package. I loooooove chubby babies. LOVE them! I remember longing for the times when I could really squish Row without fear of breaking him and not really feeling like that happened until around 5 months. I squish and snuggle Lyra as much as I possibly can. She's just so substantial! I adore her little rolls, which are everywhere. 

She is such a mellow, delightful little thing. She has really started to smile and interact with us lately. Her smile is so enchanting! Her eyes sparkle and her little tongue will quiver because she can't contain how happy she is. My only wish is that I had all day to just chat with her smiling face and squish her chunky self.

I've been giving a lot of thought to describing what it is like having two. Is it harder? Yes and no. I felt so overwhelmed and stressed and tired with Rowan. The only standard of parenting I had to measure with was what it was like to have one child. It was certainly not easy, but now having the experience and perspective I have gained over the past two months makes it seem as if it would be. Does that make sense? It's similar to how I look back at many points in my life. Being a teenager seemed really tough while living it, but if I could go back and do high school as the person I am now, it would be a whole different experience. It would seem easy, breezy beautiful and I would make amazing choices opposed to some of the really dumb ones I made. Similarly, I would parent my one with less stress and would appreciate the complete devotion I could pay my one little bambino. 

Lyra loves watching Rowan. I can hardly wait until they can really start to interact with one another. He is always trying to feed her food which is both adorable and horrible. Luckily, I've been diligent enough so far to keep him from killing her in any form. It gets really close some days though to me not succeeding at that daily task. 

She soothes so easily and is content to do whatever we really need her to do. After her shots, she cried really hard which is heartbreaking, but she completely stopped crying the second I picked her up. She also does this funny pre-cry face and noise. I'm usually able to attend to her before she really ramps up to full on cry mode, but the timed in haven't she sometimes just falls asleep within 60 seconds. I've noticed the times she gets the most fussy is when she's tired. I would start being more structured with naps, but right now we are catering to our demanding child since she seems relatively happy going along with the flow. 

Lyra seems like she will have blue eyes...but maybe green! The top hair of her head fell out and has now grown back to match the length of the hair she was born with.  I love petting her fuzzy crew cut. She also loves when I pet her head when I'm nursing her. Her eyes will roll back and she'll contentedly fall fast asleep. Every time I find myself wondering about how she will look I pretend to assign a preference when really I realize I will adore whatever she looks like simply because it will be her look. Except if she's s ginger. We will probably send her back if she try's to pull that kind of shennangins on us. I always pictured a bunch of kids will all different combinations of hair and eye color so maybe we will get the best of all worlds. Even an Asian looking baby!

Her sad face is pretty spectacular 

CHEEKS

She loves her dad

Pj Love party 

Five Years

Five years sounds so weighty, significant. Five years used to sound like an incredible stretch of time. Important accomplishments were measured out in four-year cycles for a while. High school amounted to four years of self-discovery, growth, and accomplishment. College was another group of milestones and life-long memories bundled into four years. Post college has sort of been a jumbled terrain of unrecognizable measurements. Five years has gone by in the blink of an eye while also taking a life-time. I feel like I've known and loved Sel my entire life. He's somehow woven into all those self-defining moments I had prior to ever laying eyes on his handsome face. 

I can't truly explain it, so I won't try. I'll simply say for time and all eternity has not only given me a glimpse in the endless reflections of ourselves into the future, but it has somehow given me a renewed image of my past selves. 

Five years has brought us to an entirely different stage of life than where we started. Our first two years were essentially an extension of our college courtship. We were young without realizing we were. Those first two years were full of blissful ignorance to the outside world. It truly felt like playing "house". I treasure those two years and sometimes find myself comparing the role I got to play then to now and missing it a little bit. Since then we've made a home 1,600 miles away from where we started and created two beautiful children together. I've worked three different jobs since we've wed and Sel has completed 3/4's of a grueling graduate program. 

We got to go on a date last week courtesy of my mother. She watched Rowan and little Lyra tagged along with us for dinner. I got to really look at Sel. Look him straight in the face without a toddler needing our attention, a list of chores tugging at my mind, or the never ending call of studying. I teared up as I told him how grateful I was for all he does. This life-long partnership as parents is very different from the one we started on as just an us. It's weighty, significant. It often takes time away from one another while simultaneously bringing us closer than we ever were before. 

Seeing Sel be a father is sweeter than I pictured it. He adores our children. He is the one person I know will appreciate all the cute things that were said and done by our littles. He spends more energy and time than he has connecting with them. 

There is such camaraderie born in raising children. To sit next to one another after a full day of tantrums, laughter, diapers, disciplining, and play feeling both fulfilled and exhausted brings a bond I couldn't have previously understood. 

People used to say marriage is hard. I would balk at their words, particularly during those two rose-colored years of youthful freedom. It takes real work right now to spend time connecting on a level outside of life necessity providers. Those precious moments we do get though, are richer, more appreciated, and filled with a deeper love. The five year symbol is wood which feels fitting. We planted tender seeds five years ago and have worked together to nurture our family tree. The roots branched out deeply those first few years, giving us a strong system of understanding and love to sprout our family tree from. 

I am so grateful for the past five years. I feel as if Sel started off pretty ahead of the curve in most life aspects, but I had a lot of growing to do. I've come to a place in life where I feel so comfortable and confident in who I am. I'm able to judge a little less and love a lot more all because I have a man who tells me everyday how I am of infinite worth. Sel has been my constant, steadying hand leading me to who he always saw me as. I can't imagine who he will help me become in another five years. I'm grateful for marriage, I'm grateful for love, and I'm most grateful for Sel. 

Happy Five Years.