I am a notorious treat addict. I feel like it has ruled my life for the past few years and I've hated it. For awhile, I thought maybe my love of chocolate made me endearing the way it does my adorable grandmother. The thing is, my grandma weighs maybe 80 lbs soaking wet and solely eats chocolate whereas I'm rockin my all time high in weight and eat plenty other than chocolate.When I say " I have a crazy sweet tooth" people are like, "yeeeah. We can tell".
Talking about weight is so awkward and painful. Or at least it is when there is actual weight to talk about. I went around in high school calling most of the student body fat to their faces then laughing hysterically about it. I could do that because everyone looked like they did cross-fit 8 hours a day while popping kale like candy. (Why is kale somehow the definition of healthy? I'll see things at the store touting it's undeniable magical power of having kale in it and daring you to chose obesity over kale). Joking about weight lately is more a way to somehow acknowledge to those I'm talking to that I know I'm chubby right now and they don't need to secretly wonder whether I realize my need to get it together.
It's not just the baby weight thing. I had a similar pattern with Rowan where I gained a very healthy, low amount during the pregnancy while exercising and mostly eating healthfully then BAM! Nursing starts and I devour everything in sight. While most people are off shedding their baby weight, I guess my thing is to not only NOT lose weight, but to gain it. I could sit around blaming hormones and all that jazz, but the undeniable fact is I've needed to clean up my eating act for awhile now. I've been lucky to love exercise for most of my life. I've been unlucky enough to love sweets and lack any semblance of self-control. The writing has been on the wall for awhile now and birthing a second child has made it start flashing in giant neon letters. I've always felt a bit of a fraud because I love all things nutrition. I love reading anything there is on it, watching every documentary available, scouring health blogs and I do really love munching on most things "healthy". My passions tend to not line up with how I look which makes me feel like I can't really talk about it. No longer! This post is to declare my dedication.
I went to visit my parents last week and essentially ate an entire carton of ice-cream and two chocolate bars within two days. On the way home, I called Sel and told him how depressed I was that I lacked all self-control. I told him I felt doomed to a life of being over-weight and why try to avoid it anyway. Bless Sel's believing, motivational heart. He gave me his best inspirational pep talk and made me realize the whole thing about being healthy is a constant, life-long battle and one worth fighting. I deserve to be healthy. I owe it to my family and myself to be the healthiest I can. I committed myself to going on a "treat streak" 7 days ago and have yet to put a sugary morsel in my mouth. I'm mostly amazed that I made it a week already. I honestly don't think I've EVER gone that long for the last two years. I don't plan to forever swear off treats, but to have one on ACTUAL celebrations. Instead of ice-cream because it's a Tuesday! Yay! How about ice-cream for an anniversary or a birthday? And maybe just one bowl instead of seven on said celebration? I am just so tired of being ruled over by an inanimate object. I'll be documenting some things over here about this whole journey to keep me accountable and because I enjoy writing. SO if you love me, keep that delicious chocolate to yourself or mail it to my grandma.
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