Five years sounds so weighty, significant. Five years used to sound like an incredible stretch of time. Important accomplishments were measured out in four-year cycles for a while. High school amounted to four years of self-discovery, growth, and accomplishment. College was another group of milestones and life-long memories bundled into four years. Post college has sort of been a jumbled terrain of unrecognizable measurements. Five years has gone by in the blink of an eye while also taking a life-time. I feel like I've known and loved Sel my entire life. He's somehow woven into all those self-defining moments I had prior to ever laying eyes on his handsome face.
I can't truly explain it, so I won't try. I'll simply say for time and all eternity has not only given me a glimpse in the endless reflections of ourselves into the future, but it has somehow given me a renewed image of my past selves.
Five years has brought us to an entirely different stage of life than where we started. Our first two years were essentially an extension of our college courtship. We were young without realizing we were. Those first two years were full of blissful ignorance to the outside world. It truly felt like playing "house". I treasure those two years and sometimes find myself comparing the role I got to play then to now and missing it a little bit. Since then we've made a home 1,600 miles away from where we started and created two beautiful children together. I've worked three different jobs since we've wed and Sel has completed 3/4's of a grueling graduate program.
We got to go on a date last week courtesy of my mother. She watched Rowan and little Lyra tagged along with us for dinner. I got to really look at Sel. Look him straight in the face without a toddler needing our attention, a list of chores tugging at my mind, or the never ending call of studying. I teared up as I told him how grateful I was for all he does. This life-long partnership as parents is very different from the one we started on as just an us. It's weighty, significant. It often takes time away from one another while simultaneously bringing us closer than we ever were before.
Seeing Sel be a father is sweeter than I pictured it. He adores our children. He is the one person I know will appreciate all the cute things that were said and done by our littles. He spends more energy and time than he has connecting with them.
There is such camaraderie born in raising children. To sit next to one another after a full day of tantrums, laughter, diapers, disciplining, and play feeling both fulfilled and exhausted brings a bond I couldn't have previously understood.
People used to say marriage is hard. I would balk at their words, particularly during those two rose-colored years of youthful freedom. It takes real work right now to spend time connecting on a level outside of life necessity providers. Those precious moments we do get though, are richer, more appreciated, and filled with a deeper love. The five year symbol is wood which feels fitting. We planted tender seeds five years ago and have worked together to nurture our family tree. The roots branched out deeply those first few years, giving us a strong system of understanding and love to sprout our family tree from.
I am so grateful for the past five years. I feel as if Sel started off pretty ahead of the curve in most life aspects, but I had a lot of growing to do. I've come to a place in life where I feel so comfortable and confident in who I am. I'm able to judge a little less and love a lot more all because I have a man who tells me everyday how I am of infinite worth. Sel has been my constant, steadying hand leading me to who he always saw me as. I can't imagine who he will help me become in another five years. I'm grateful for marriage, I'm grateful for love, and I'm most grateful for Sel.
Happy Five Years.
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