The Von Trapp's Musical Baby-Sitter

(The Von Trapp's musical baby-sitter and I being excited about our recent visit to a French bakery)

My mom is the best phone conversationist I know. She also excels in how to deliver important news via text message. This was her latest text to me was

"Uncle Norman died this morning"

Which I read while eating breakfast with Sel. Notice please how she breaks the news gently, explains in great detail what happened, and offers words of comfort and consolation.

One of my favorite phone conversations recently went a bit like this.

L: Hi Mom! How are you?!

Ma: Child. You give me migraines.

L: How do I give you migraines?

Ma: I just read your last blog post and I think I developed an ulcer or two by the end of it. How are you and Sel going to survive in the real world?

L: Mom. We are in the real world.

Ma: Provo is not the real world. In the real world, your car would get stolen if you left the keys in your front door.

L: Valid.

Ma: You worry me so much

L: I worry you in a cute way, right?

Ma: No! There is nothing cute about it.

L: What about in an awesome way

Ma: No! Not in an awesome way.

L: I am a survivor mom. I have made it this far haven't I?

Ma: (sigh). Yes. Who knows when your luck is going to run out...

Gotta love the words of confidence and comfort from my love struck Puerto Rican mother. I do have to hand it to her though. It would be pretty migraine producing to have a child like me to worry about. That is precisely why they recently replaced me with a perfect sounding child from the Ukraine. :)

In other news, I AM GOING TO BE AN AUNT!!! I am so excited I can hardly stand it! The worst part is that my new sister and brother (Joy & Roy) live in Ohio. Did you notice how Ohio is not within ten minutes of Provo? Do you know what this means? I am going to have to spoil their adorable, chubby cheeked baby from afar. :( That is why they are planning on moving to Provo in January after the baby is born. Roy and Joy are going to transfer to Hogwarts with Sel and I :) Who needs medical school when you know magic? Right? Right? Here is a picture of them being cute. Now just imagine a bouncing ball of joy lovingly smooshed between them in this picture. Now imagine me holding the bouncing ball of joy while being sandwiched by Joy & Roy. That, my friends, would be a blue ribbon type of picture.

* Dear Mom, I love you.

$1.68

I am thinking of renaming my blog "Tips On How To Make Your Life More Complicated" orToHoMY MC"

Tip Number One: Be forgetful. Life is much easier for the mindful human being. Do you ever find yourself wishing you were stressed about leaving your personal belongings in places they didn't belong? If yes, you are already one step closer to a more complicated life.

Tip Number Two: Be uncommonly clumsy. This includes, but is not limited to: knocking irreplaceable objects over, vacuuming up your husband's i-phone charger and causing the vacuum's soul to catch fire, hitting classmates with your overstuffed backpack, and falling over at inopportune times.

Tip Number Three: Manage Your Time Poorly. This will ensure your already lengthy list of homework due dates, exercising, projects, lesson plans, assignments that need grading, and home organization will become massively longer and complicate your life in a way you have only dreamed of.

Don't think these tips will work for you? Well, that is why I am going to provide a true story about a reader who took this advice to heart.

Reader (Not a paid internet actress): "I had tried time and time again to make my life more complicated without success. I was becoming discouraged by how easily it was for me to be successful in school, my job, my physical fitness, and my life in general. Then I found these three keys to making my life more complicated. Take Sunday night for example. My handsome husband and my talented cousin and I were driving jollily back to P-town after a wonderful family dinner in the Riv. We noticed the fateful gas light flashing to inform us we had 0 miles left (other than the 20 miles left in reserve). I told my husband to pull over at the nearest exit so we could fill up. When we got to the gas station, I noticed my wallet was not in the car. The wallet containing the only source of money my husband and I currently had. I had applied Tip Number One to my life in this instance and been forgetful in leaving my purse in our second car (currently in the Riv waiting to be repaired). I had also utilized Tip Number One the day before by leaving the car keys/house keys in the lock all night long. My husband and I rounded up enough change to pay for $1.68 of gas aka not even half a gallon. This made our lives wonderfully complex. We were partially saved from destitution by an angelic being known as the Mugster who drove all the way from the Riv to P-town at 10PM at night to return the wallet I successfully forgot. The really remarkable part of my success was also achieved by leaving my phone on the back seat. I utilized Tip Number Three by then managing my time poorly for four days to ensure I could not retrieve said phone and car which, again, increased the complexity in my life. I would absolutely recommend these Three Steps to anyone hoping to make their life laughably complex.

I have one more announcement to announce that diverges from "The Three Steps to Life Complication" I am going to show exclusive pictures here, on this blog, sometime in the next few weeks of...HOGSMEADE. You heard me. Sel and I were both accepted to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry on August 12, 2011 and got to go to Hogsmeade for a weekend. Hold on to your broomsticks.

Also, Sel is the handsomest man in the universe (Please Refer to Image Below For Proof)

The First Law of Domestication

So in my head I was going to try and condense all that happened in August into one post. And then my head hurt. And then I remembered my dream to be mysterious (which has never ever happened in my entire life). I may write about how August was the best month there ever has or ever will be or I may not. Now onto the subject I will undoubtedly fail this semester-
Domestication.
Ha. I know. Me and Domestic don't really belong in the same sentence. The thing is I happen to be married (to the best man in the universe I might add) and there is some unwritten rule that you have to be more domestic when you are married. Here is my report card of domestic skills I had before I got married:
Sewing: N (Nonexistent)
Cooking: D (Dangerous)
Laundry: S (Satisfactory)
Cleaning/Organization: N+ (Mostly nonexistent)
Time Management: L (Laughable)

I would show you my married domestic report card, but then you would be as horrified as I would. You might even become so depressed by my failures that you would justify eating the Lindt truffles from Grandma & Grandpa Warden that maybe your husband and you decided to only eat on Sundays. And then maybe you would feel bad about having a lack of self control and justify eating another Lindt truffle. And then you would need to disguise your downfall by wrapping up tin foil in little truffle sized balls and putting them in the now empty spaces where decadent chocolate used to be. Whoops...

The first load of laundry I did as a married woman was a bit disastrous. Sel drives the batmobile. (not exactly, but it is really cool). Sel's car comes with this nifty key that you can keep in your pocket at all times. You just stand next to the car, it senses the key in your pocket with it's bat radar, and then unlocks the door for you with a laser. Same thing for locking the car. You start the car by pushing a big button (my favorite part) and your key gets to kick back in your warm pocket the whole time (though you do have to feed it flies from time to time). Sel's key happens to also cost $600 or so. It also happened to get the blessed chance to swim in a washing machine for 45 minutes because I forgot to check his pockets. My artistic tin foiling wasn't going to fool Sel in this instance. Luckily, because the bat key has super powers, it is still in working order.
Organization/Cleaning has also dropped a grade level or two because the Bungalow (our apartment) currently resembles the aftermath of multiple natural disasters: an F5 tornado followed shortly by a 10.0 Earthquake and topped off with a massive spider invasion. The reason our suitcases are still unpacked is because we are just making sure we are prepared should another disaster hit...
Cooking: :) So Sel made me breakfast our first day of school. He made sesame seed and swiss toaster things with freshly sliced tomatoes and cucumbers on top and sliced up some tasty fruit for us. Guess what I made for breakfast the day before that? Reese's Puff's with skim milk. Sel always sets the curve WAY too high for someone with my cooking background. We have made some pretty delicious dinners together this week solely because he is some sort of gourmet chef and he has mastered the art of L supervision.
Time management hasn't really worsened. It has mostly just remained impressively low on the grading scale. Sel helps with this though. We have woken up every morning this week to exercise, read our scriptures, and eat a nutritious breakfast (as long as I am not in charge of making it). Yesterday, however, I went home to "do homework" while Sel was in class. This is what happened-I decided to eat our pizza leftovers while I read my Nutrition book. The first sentence in my nutrition book talked about how pizza was unhealthy. The nutrition book had to go away until I decided it was forgiven for chiding me on my food choices. I then decided to find my TA books which were (of course) in the bottom most box in the second bedroom. I decided I needed to unpack some boxes so I could actually get my books out. I found my old journal and two hours latter got a text from Kit. Homework accomplished without Sel: 2 pages read in my nutrition book.
Here is my marriage advice to the world: Marry someone just like Sel because he is the most patient, loving, sweet, forgiving, patient, perfect man in the universe. Also, if you see Sel you should give him a hug so he doesn't feel so sad that is wife is the least domestic person in the universe.