31 Weeks

I feel like I should put a brief disclaimer on this post since I know my family members read it (most notably my parents) who might find it off color/inappropriate/something they defs don't want to know much about. They created this monster that I am though. Ever talked to my mom? She isn't really ever what I would call appropriate in her humor sooo her fault. 

2 more months! Hopefully! My greatest wish is to have a healthy baby followed by a very great wish to have my baby before 42 weeks and without being induced. A girl can dream, right? 

I've been getting so anxious about not wanting to be induced again and I can't help this pregnancy brain spiral. I mean, is it really so much to ask that my body cooperate to some degree this time? 

It is very rare for me to ever exclaim "TMI"! I am sort of a "NEI" aka Not Enough Information type of gal. I think it makes me nothing short of sexy. Funny story, I actually had a guy tell me once I was really attractive until I started talking. I overshare because I care. You are a lucky blog reader that gets to know how much I care about you by reading about all the beautiful details of my pregnancy. Before being pregnant with Lyra, I never had a UTI, yeast infection or any form of downstairs sadness. Since being pregnant, I've had a UTI, vaginosis, and now a yeast infection. Is vaginosis not the worst named infection? Ugh. At my OB appointment yesterday, the nurse let me know I had WBC's in my urine and asked if I was having any trouble down there. I'd already called to the office what I felt was too many time complaining of unpleasantness in the Southern region of my body and was planning on bringing it up with the OB that day. She asked if I wanted to have a speculum/swap. Did I want to? Not particularly. Does anyone want a weird silvery shoe thing shoved up their parts? I told her I did want a test done anyway. 

I had brought Rowan along because these appointments are generally 7 minutes long. I pee in a cup, stand on the scale, get my blood pressure taken and then listen to my OB for four minutes ask questions about Sel and tell me how great a doctor he is going to be and how he should be an OB. I agree with my OB on the points of Sel being great and a future doc that will rival Dr. 902010. He usually asks me as an afterthought at the end how I'm feeling. I appreciate the question and luckily the answer is generally great! This time around he asked what Sel thought was wrong with my lady parts. I wavered between responding completely inappropriately with "I think he thinks they are pretty decent since I'm pregnant with his second child" but I realized he was asking what Sel's medical opinion was of why I keep getting infections. He was proud that Sel had correctly assumed a yeast infection. I'm so glad my OB and my husband have such a special bond. It makes me feel really confident that my OB will always have my best interests in mind because he will be worried that Sel might be upset if he treats his wife poorly. 

In other great news, I lost weight from my last appointment and my blood pressure dropped too! I've really been working hard the last two weeks at eating healthy because I was doing really bad for a while there. After the giant Easter binge, I was getting way too close to what I was when I delivered Rowan. I've been really lucky to be able to workout for at least 30 minutes 6 days/week and our house is devoid of anything even remotely delicious. We had one box of sugar cereal that was "for an art project". About one cup of it did get used in the making of a cereal rainbow, but the many other cups were mostly going into my mouth. Now all we have is oatmeal, corn chex and plain cheerios. Rowan and I were both a little upset the first few days before realizing it really was better for both of us. 

We acquired some adorable baby girl clothes the past few weeks. Our friends and family are so generous! We are more indebted to these angelic people than America is to China. I feel so very blessed and a little bit tearful. Today I started crying because I saw Rowan sitting at our table all by himself and it made me think about my baby someday eating alone in a Jr. High cafeteria. I  had to hide my face because he became so concerned on why I was bawling. It is an incredibly sad thought, right? Your little toddler sitting alone because nobody will sit with him? Typing it out here is making me cry again. 

I am getting reals excited to meet this little girl! I can't wait to hold a sweet newborn again. To feel her silky soft skin against mine and touch her extra soft hair. I looove how new babies' mouths hang open when they are asleep. Baby lips are so precious! I mean, what part about a baby isn't? We even find baby butts adorable. They say when you have a baby in June, you're a Mom all your life. Or you know, whatever month you birth a baby. I can't stop singing that song lately and most people just look at me really weird. I doubt they act weird because I'm a horrible singer or because I randomly busted out into song during a normal conversation or that I drastically altered the lyrics. People just don't know their musicals these days. 

I mean, isn't that the most precious little outfit you've ever seen?

I CAN'T WAIT TO DRESS A BABY AGAIN! It required all caps there.  Getting Rowan dressed is a freaking nightmare lately. It takes a solid ten minutes of chasing him around and pinning him down. I also don't always get to pick what he wears anymore because he's starting to form strong opinions in that arena too. I can't wait to dress a little girl in all these adorable girly clothes. I still solidly hold my belief that baby boy clothes are equally as cute as girl clothes (baby bow ties, suspenders, and those darn newsie hats people!C'mon ) but I am way excited to have the best of both worlds here. 

My resident photographer is on call tonight so I got to take pictures of myself. Does anyone else feel like a complete idiot getting their picture taken? When you're taking a selfie you're just smiling dumbly at yourself. I know the solution would be to just not document every waking second of my life, but I really have liked looking back at pictures of me pregnant with Rowan and I'm sure I'll be sad if I don't do it this time around too. 

I look crazy because I actually am crazy. 

I could write a whole giant post about this, but I am going to squeeze it in here. There is something about being pregnant that makes me so confident and proud of my body. I definitely have moments where I feel like a giant hippo, but it's also such a special time of body pride for me. I'm actually gaining weight by the day, but that's what I'm supposed to do. I am growing a heart, a brain, a set of lungs, an entire human being. I don't have to do anything but keep breathing and eating in order for this baby to develop everything it needs to live on it's own. I have far too many friends who suffer from infertility and would love to complain about pregnancy symptoms. Those friends of mine are always on my mind and I try to think of them every time I feel like moaning about the injustice of sleeping with five body pillows. 

I also think back about how uncomfortable I was with my body in high school which is arguably the best I've looked. I was working out really hard everyday for track/cross country and obsessing about every morsel of food I was eating. I looked pretty darn good and I was miserable. I remember wishing so hard for a different body and practically hyperventilating at the thought of changing clothes in front of my teammates (who are likely some of the most beautiful people you've ever seen). I cared sooo much about how I looked. I probably didn't look like I did because I dressed like a homeless person, but I put thought into precisely how much of a runway ready hobo I wanted to look like. 

I now have a giant bowling ball of a belly, stretch marks, and can make an impressive amount of chins if I tilt my head down far enough. I wear makeup maybe once or twice a week. I actually lost my mascara a few weeks ago and keep putting off spending the $7.00 for a new one. You can spot my hair in a ponytail most days of the week. I get naked in front of strangers five days a week at the gym and don't care at all. Most of my gym friends are usually 80+ years old and not world's most gorgeous runners, but still a big step here that I don't mind baring it all. I find myself so much happier NOT caring. Someone asked me if I felt like I was letting myself go (people are really sweet sometimes) and I told them I felt like I was finally finding myself instead. Why would I care if anyone but Sel finds me attractive? Are there certainly perks awarded to those who are good-looking? For sure. Pick up Blink by my homeboy Malcolm Gladwell and read all about it. I used to spend a good portion of our first year of marriage feeling so self-conscious about my appearance and expecting Sel to pay me endless and personalized compliments  every five seconds to make me feel super good about myself. If he said someone was good looking, I immediately evaluated every aspect of that girl noting that is how Sel wished I looked. Can I please murder that past me? Gah. It's so much nicer for Sel (I think. I haven't asked him recently) to not have a wife who is so self-conscious. Now I just feel healthy, happy and am growing gradually more confident with who I am. I thank pregnancy and motherhood for making me realize my body is nothing short of a miracle machine. 

That was really, really long and I hate how many things I put in parentheses, but I luckily am not looking to be world's most attractive, pregnant author anytime soon. 

20 Questions about a 20-Month Old

Rowboat is 20-months old! Since he loves to laugh and play games, I figured he would appreciate this nod to one of the games my sister and I would play on long road trips. 

1. Is it no longer talking in a long-forgotten Bulgarian dialect?

2. Does it shock you daily by saying a growing number of distinguishable words in it's native tongue? 

3. Does it shove things it doesn't want (i.e. food, toys, diapers, clothes) away with the back of it's hand because it is so disgusted by whatever is offered it can't even palm it away? 

4. Does it talk excitedly about cars and trains 2-3 hours a day?

5. Does it spend 3/4 of it's waking hours playing basketball?

6. Does it's current hierarchy to things loved go as follows: baseball, football, basketball, Ky-ky, cheese?

7. Would you say it's daily diet is comprised of 60% cheese? 

8. Is it finally eating a good variety of fruits and vegetables regardless of it's excessive consumption of cheese? 

9. Has it eaten dad's world famous homemade guacamole (pip aka dip) for dinner three nights this week?

10. Can it entertain itself with happy sound effects, animation, and some form of imaginary dialogue between toys for about 30 minutes at a time?

11. Are tantrums mercifully on a decline now that it's intellectual abilities are skyrocketing?

12. Did it go pee-pee in the potty for the first time all by itself today? 

13. Did it also miss the toilet a bit and pee on mom's knee?

14. Will it still probably be a long time before it goes to the bathroom on it's own and doesn't subject it's mom to pinning a screaming creature down to wipe poop off it's tush?

15. Are it's current favorite stories Once Upon a Potty, Jungle Book, The Tushy Book, Skunk Dunk, and Things that Go? 

16.  If you ask it what color of something it wants, does it always request 'blue' even if it means another color?

17. Is it the sweetest thing to ever walk the planet and plants kisses on you and it's baby sister every hour?

18. Does it ever make you want to cry when you look at it because it is So. Darn. Handsome? 

19. Are you not-so-secretly jealous of it's perfect hair that somehow grows in with perfect layers, waves, and highlights?

20. Do you love this thing more and more everyday and are continually convinced you are the most blessed person alive to have it as your own?

Answer Key to Questions 1-20: Yes

Bonus Questions:

21. Does it refer to itself as "Row row"
22. Does it say "Curse!" when it misses a basket (I think this is because I always say "so close" but the idea that he is saying a "curse" word is hilarious)
23. Does he throw his hands up at the end of a prayer every time and say "MEN!"
24. Does it want to read itself a story at bedtime and have it's parents sit on the floor?

We have loved the warmer Toledo weather! Rowan has spent every possible day outside. 

His number one love 

St. Patty's day feast of green apples, kiwi, and green spaghetti 

We LOVE this park sooo much! 

He could play with the trains for a full day if I let him 

He got a t-ball from the Easter Bunny this year and LOVES it! Obviously 

Turns out the offspring of Angela and Dwight from the office looks a lot like Rowan. 

He was so spoiled at my aunts house this year for Easter. Both Mimi & Papa and his great aunts loaded him up with gifts and chocolate. They were both kind enough to not overwhelm the addict with a massive dose and instead gave other great new loves: chalk, Frog Bear, cars/trucks, and finger paint. He LOVED the Easter egg hunts they planned. HE's one lucky, loved little kid. 

27 Weeks

Aw, the third trimester has arrived. I remember getting here my last time around and thinking "WOW! It's so close! I'm having a baby so soon".  What a naive little thing I was. The third trimester is a lot like the third Lord of the Rings movie. You keep thinking you're close to the end, but really you still have an hour of video coming at you with a bunch of parts that seem like good endings. The big difference here is that watching LOTR for an extra hour is all things awesome while watching yourself become increasingly large and uncomfortable is much less entertaining. 

I do really love how fun it is to feel a human being roll around inside my belly. The bigger they get (and me) the more amazed I am that there is someone in there. 

I am way bigger than last time which is already causing a bit of anxiety over here. I don't weigh anymore than I did at this point, but that could easily change. I'm sooo hungry this time around. I distinctly remember having a reemergence of food hate in the third trimester with Row. If only that could happen now. I have dreams about food (mostly Cafe Rio) and wake up depressed when I realized it was all a cruel trick and Cafe Rio is still hundreds of miles away.I got SO BIG with Rowan. So big. It didn't help that he took an extra two weeks to check out. The ability to further the human race by forgetting practically everything has certainly taken effect here except in that category. I remember how miserable, whiny, cranky and crazy I was those two weeks past my due date. Nobody liked that girl. Let's do me a solid here little one and come relatively close to on time. 

  On the left is me at 30 weeks with Rowan and the right is me at 27 weeks with Lyra. 

I have to pee all the time. At night, I visit that porcelain throne at least three times. I am slowly convincing Sel to let me get a chamber pot. It would be the best gift he's ever given me. Nothing says love like "Here baby! Now you don't have to walk those miserable ten feet to the bathroom all night long" 

Sel and Rowan got to come with me to my last ultrasound. It was amazing! Did you know they have something called 4D now? Yeah. It's a live action shot of your baby. A little Morgan Freeman appears at the bottom of the screen and narrates everything that your baby is doing. "As you can see here, the magnificent daughter you are carrying is gently swallowing amniotic fluid." 

She was really active during it and Rowan melted my heart for the first half of it. As soon as she popped her cute face up on the screen, he started waving and saying "HI!" He is so excited for baby sister to get here. He always wants to kiss my belly and say hey to his favorite gal. I'm so glad he is already forming a connection with this little one. Hopefully it will mean he won't attack her with our plethora of Nerf weaponry while she's a helpless newborn. 

He loves to take "Baby Sister" doll and help her do things. 

While I know he's pumped to get a lil sis, he would love if I could provide a big sister (or brother) instead. He adores this one here. 

She seems shy to me. I don't know if that's real or not. I remember when Row captured my heart during his ultrasound by sucking his little lips in 3D. Hers was different than I expected. I fell in love with the picture of her covering her face with her hands. I don't know how to explain it, but the idea that she didn't want us to look at her made me want to hug her. She also tends to only move around when it's quiet and I'm alone. Every time she starts kicking and I have Sel touch my belly, she stops. I can't wait to see what she looks like and what her personality is like. This game doesn't seem like it will ever get old! 

At first, I thought Row and Lyra look so different. Now I go back and forth. There are for sure some big similarities and differences. 

This is my love her forever picture. She's just so tender! 

I had a two week stretch where I  bawled my eyes out if it looked like I wasn't going to get a nap. Thankfully I haven't felt that way everyday, but it is already making me super nervous for how I will cope with a newborn and toddler sleep schedule. I am fairly certain it will be a daily battle to not fall apart. No sleep is a pretty magnificent form of torture. I did feel an amazing blessing happen this last Sunday. Rowan is cutting some teeth which means he wakes up crying every 2-2.5 hours. We had just gotten to the point of sleeping completely through the night! (Cause that boy is officially weaned as of his 19-month birthday! Can I get a holla!! I'm so glad it happened naturally for the most part. I sometimes miss it when I know it would be such an easy comfort to him while teething or when he's really sad, but we are slowly figuring out other ways to calm him down) He woke up at 5am and was not going back to sleep for anything. I felt like crying I was so tired but said a little prayer that I would have patience and compassion for my poor little guy. A true miracle happened later while he was throwing a MASSIVE tantrum. I was calm! It was such a huge answer to my prayer. I keep turning back to that when I start to dread the upcoming stretch of never sleeping again for a year. I'll get the help I need to survive. So many prayers were answered by others those first few weeks/months. 

What else? My pants still fall off my butt every five seconds. I don't understand how my bum is turning into a pancake while my hips are expanding at an alarming rate. I got the King bum (which means you have no derriere at all) but I swear it's never been this pathetically flat. Just when behinds are all the rage, mine is waving a quick goodbye. My sadness is much more for the loss of pants though. A few times I've been walking around in public with my pants mid-thigh. I can't get them to stay on because a belt is out of the question and I can't get tighter maternity pants because they would still smoosh my belly. My dream of joining a nudist colony is soon to be fulfilled. 

Special thanks to my pro photographer for making me look super fly. 

Adulting Fail

Most of the time I am deliriously happy with my life. It's really not that tough of a life. I have a wonderful husband, an adorable son, warm home, a healthy body, a sweet baby girl on the way, a beautiful faith, loving extended family/in-laws, etc. It's great. 

Sometimes though, my brain doesn't quite get the full message that life is good and I'm not the worst person that ever lived. 

While Sel was doing his away rotation, we went to visit him and stay at this awesome hotel/waterpark. They had this "toilet bowl" slide where Row and I got to watch Sel slowly spiral around in his tube before disappearing through a center of swirling water. I feel like I'm stuck on the tube sometimes and I just keep spiraling toward a center of adulting failure. 

The simplest things start to feel like insurmountable tasks. Sel asked me about two months ago to schedule an eye appointment for him. There were some other things that made it way harder than a simple phone call (getting a new insurance card) but even the idea of making a silly, simple phone call stressed me out. Sel essentially asks me for nothing, ever. Why was this so hard for me?!

Yesterday I accidentally kicked Rowan in the head which caused him to cry hysterically. I sat on the floor holding him bawling equally as hard apologizing over and over. Sel came in thinking something seriously wrong was happening. I was crying too hard to tell him he didn't need to take either of us to the E.R. Today, I was packing a bag of Nerf guns for a youth activity tonight and Rowan snuck up behind and I again accidentally banged his poor, sweet head AGAIN. Commence another mother-son crying session. 

I look around at other people who have more kids, more responsibilities, less time, spouses who are gone more, work a crazy amount of hours and have absolutely no idea how they have their stuff together while I can't even remember to get our mail on a daily basis, or take the trash cans to the curb, or wash my kids hands every five minutes so he doesn't get sick every five days. 

I am surrounded by people who are acing life. Not only are they doing adulting like a pro, they mentally have their stuff together. They don't feel overwhelmed with their responsibilities and they know how to pull the brakes on their negative spiral. 

When Sel and I got engaged, by dad told Sel he had already seen him expertly walk me away from the edge. I realized then exactly what my parents have had to do my whole life for me and what it looked like Sel was getting into. I feel like I'm always wandering out there to that edge of feeling like a total failure. I don't think I suffer from depression or anxiety per say, I just am always toeing that line. 

I can bounce back to feeling better pretty quickly, but it generally takes someone's strong hand to help me back (usually Sel's ridiculously manly hand). 

I remember hearing that someone suffered from depression and thinking they will get over it soon enough. Take some meds, see a therapist, write what you're grateful for, etc. I don't think I ever realized what it might actually be like for that person, that they can get over individual battles with depression but they might always be at war with their minds, always having to make an effort to fight back against that dumb toilet bowl slide. 

I will do the dishes, make dinner, AND do laundry and feel momentarily awesome about myself. I will then look around and realize I should have cleaned up more, done a hundred stimulating activities with Rowan so he won't fail at life, done something sweet for my hard-working hubs, read a classic or a medical journal so I don't lapse into a zombie of a person, attempted to organize the things that have been staring expectantly at me for weeks, run a few miles, planned my meals for the week, visited the elderly, study my scriptures, grrrr. My mind just starts to blaze the path of comparing. So-and-so cleans their baseboards with a toothbrush and works a full-time job and never buys chocolate kisses for their kid to pass out to on Valentines day and ends up eating half the bag before Sunday. I think I purposely try to make myself seem extraordinarily laid back because then I can NOT care about those things. Good for so-and-so and their accomplishments cause I'm over here re-watching The Office with my feet happily propped on a pile of clean laundry I should fold. 

Tomorrow I will again chide myself for over-sharing and throwing my feelings on a public page instead of just packing them silently away in my journal. I respect people being real though. I've spent a good portion of my life not being real (classic people pleaser problems) and I feel like being real today. Today wasn't excellent, but tomorrow probably will be. And if not, thank goodness for Sel. And Rowan's giggles. And most of all, chocolate.

22 Weeks

Sometimes I feel like I've become gradually less interesting of a person. It's not that I was overly fascinating before, but I think it's been a downward spiral since becoming a mom. I mostly operate on survival mode. Is my child breathing? Check. Did I fed him? A+. Does he have a mostly fresh diaper? Way to be. Is he clothed? Eh. Does sort of count? Is he happy/safe/stimulated? Kind of. 

I love it. I love it so much! But it also means if you don't think my kid is the best person in the universe, then I'm sort of a boring person to talk to. I've started to notice my brain completely flat-lines when I'm having a conversation with someone. I can't think of a single thing to say. I can't even think of a question to ask them which I am normally pretty stellar at. I just stare vacantly (probably with my mouth open) at whomever I am talking to until they feel uncomfortable enough to excuse themselves from my presence. I think I can blame "pregnancy brain" for at least part of my failure to communicate with other human beings. 

How is this all making an appearance on my post about pregnancy? It's sort of an apology to anyone who used to like to read my blog cause I had more to talk about than my child and my soon-to-be second. That's all I can mentally afford to be lately is "mom". I wouldn't have it any other way, but I know it doesn't always make for an interesting read. 

Soooo on to the current loading status of baby numero dos. 

1. Number of Weeks:  Just about 22 weeks. 

2. Due Date:  06.06.16

3. Gender : Still a little lady

4. Baby Size: A spaghetti squash. She was 13 oz at my most recent ultrasound two weeks ago. 

5. Weight Gain/Loss: Still below my pre-pregnancy weight by 2 lbs. Getting close to finally being back to what it was. I feel very lucky it's been a slow weight gain so far, but I haven't forgotten how gigantic I get near the end. I luckily didn't gain much overall weight with Row, but I still looked so big. I find it incredibly ironic that I was back to my pre-pregnancy weight the week after having Rowan and it took me 10 months of kicking my butt to lose the weight I gained breastfeeding. I'm a freak of nature who loses weight without trying during pregnancy and gains weight breastfeeding while exercising and eating well. The universe can play some really messed up jokes on you sometimes. My dream is to NOT gain weight during breastfeeding this time around. I'm not sure how to do it differently since I was running from 6 weeks postpartum and eating fairly well, but it's going to happen. Just wait.

6 Maternity Clothes: Bless you maternity clothes. Bless you. You know you've reached an all-time low of not caring about your appearance when you're not just wearing sweatpants everyday, but maternity sweatpants. My maternity jeans are irritating. Again with my ultra-weird body during pregnancy. I'm somehow down to the jean size I was while training for my marathon during college, but my belly obviously is toting a human. SO all my maternity pants fall straight off my butt, but if I wear a belt I feel like I'm crushing Lyra against all my internal organs. They also make me have to pee every five seconds instead of my usual ten second intervals. 

I've been majorly blessed with a mom who goes mad buying clothes. She had already stocked my closet during my Rowan pregnancy with tons of cute things and went ballistic during this Christmas. I have maternity clothes for months now. 

7. Energy/Sleep I now sleep with 800 pillows. Sel has been on an away rotation so it hasn't been a big deal, but I think he's going to want to suffocate me with one of those 800 pillows when he gets back. Ever since I had Rowan, I need to sleep on my back. My hips hurt too badly otherwise. Guess what? You can't sleep on your back when you're pregnant or your baby will die and you will have a heart-attack (according to my google search). My OB did say it was best to avoid back-sleeping so Dr. Google only exaggerated something that's real. I have to wrap my arms and legs around a body pillow and then I stack two big body pillows behind me so I can lay on my back when I fall asleep. It sounds comfy, but it's not. Row wakes up typically once a night which is perfect because it usually corresponds with when I need to get up to go pee. He's just helping his old-lady out. 

8. Symptoms: Crazy. Being crazy is a symptom of being me, but gets worse during pregnancy. I always find out about awful stories during pregnancy and spend my life thinking about all the things that could go wrong. It's awful. I hate it. Is there therapy for someone like me? Cause there should be. 

I've been achy lately in my hips and upper abs. I haven't been able to figure out if it's from one of my workouts this week or if I'm going into early labor (please see above symptom)

Fatigue. I've been feeling exhausted at the smallest thing lately. Rowan loves when I go down slides behind him at play lands. We were at Chick-fil-A this week and had the play land to ourselves. I could only go down the slide twice before needing a ten minute break. He was obviously disappointed in my lack of physical strength to go down 80 times in a row like a real mom should be able to. We also have been playing a game where we race from the sliding glass door to our couch. The distance is about 12 feet and I get so winded. Nannying has become tricky because I get so tired carrying two babies around. I don't know how moms with twins have more children. They have super powers for even having twins in the first place let alone adding more to their crew while caring for twins. 

9. Exercise: I am doing a health challenge for the next few weeks and have done a pretty bang up job here. I've mixed it up between Zumba, walking, swimming, biking, ellipticaling (can this be a verb), yoga and a pregnancy strength tape throughout the last three weeks. My achilles is being a butthead again though. This has been a recurrent thing since my half in May. It's a freaking jerk. 

10. Thoughts for this Week I am starting to connect more with this little girl! I keep having dreams that I give birth to another little boy. It's confusing me. Rowan lovesssss her. Adores her. Their connection makes me so excited to finally meet her and see them interact face-to-face. I was panicking a little bit about having a daughter earlier this week and Sel was wise enough to say, "Why don't we just give her a fair chance?" I've been setting myself up to worry about dealing with all the things I was growing up not even giving this girl a fighting chance to show how awesome she's really going to be. 

Just like I had a spiritual experience seeing Rowan has a young adult, I've felt/seen/whatever it is that happens to me with her. When I was thinking about whether we would have a boy next after her, I felt as if this beautiful young woman said "Mom! It's MY turn". I know it sounds kind of odd, but I'm obviously not great at explaining it. I just feel really blessed to have this sweet girl joining our family soon. I cannot wait for that tender newborn stage again where they just lay on you all day long and want nothing more than to be around you. 

I was really glad at the ultrasound that they verified it is for sure a female. A friend loaded me up with baby girl clothes and I had a moment before the ultrasound where I wondered "What if it is a boy? What do I do with all these adorable clothes that I really want to dress a chubby baby girl in?" She's luckily still a she! At my ultrasound, she was being quite the character. My placenta is posterior which means she can feel everything happening outside my belly really well. SO she's been deflecting kicks and punches from Rowan already. The ultrasound got some pictures of her beautifully healthy heart and organs and her gargantuan arms and legs. Rowan measured 5 days ahead of schedule with his limbs but she's about 8 days ahead for hers. The OB commented on it and assured me it was normal, she would just be a long little thing. Lyra was getting SO annoyed during the ultrasound. It's funny how you can tell how a baby is reacting to something when they can't exactly tell you and all you're looking at is black & white images. We couldn't get a shot of her brain or face because she burrowed into my back and pushed her butt against the probe. Anytime the tech would try a different side, she would defiantly stick her bum in that direction. No more pictures lady. STOP poking me. I could actually feel her bum protruding a bit through my belly because she was pushing back against the probe so hard. I was actually a little thrilled about this because it means we get another ultrasound at 24 weeks! The same thing happened with Rowan and we got the most beautiful picture of his face that week. He had a chance to chub out more in the womb from 20 to 24 weeks and the shot the tech got of his face was exactly what he looked like as a newborn. I'm so hoping this same thing happens again!

18 week bump

20 week bump

Yay! It's still a girl!

21 week bump ( I really like this outfit, okay?)

There she is! The ones at the ultrasound clinic were way better quality and you could see her so much better, but I'm certainly not complaining about another chance to see her. 

18 Months

Rowboat is a whole year and a half! He doesn't do anything halfway in his life though. This kid is just bursting with life and personality. 

What is Rowan like at 18-months?

We play basketball all day sometimes. I'm not even exaggerating here. 

7:00-7:20 Watch baby signing time sports episode where they teach you how to sign basketball, football, etc. 

7:30-8:15 Play basketball on our little hoop

8:15-8:30 Scream bloody murder because we are going to go eat breakfast instead of play basketball

9:00-10:15 Play basketball at the gym (after I finished working out) 

10:30-12:00 Play basketball at Mcdonalds

12:30-2:30 Dream of basketball while we nap

2:30-3:30 Play more basketball at home

3:30-4:30 Go grocery shopping, locate the balls in the store, and play basketball in the toy aisle. Refuse to let the ball go when we get back in the cart. 

5:00-6:30 - Dinner and other things?

6:30-7:00 Play basketball on our hoop

7:00-7:30 Play basketball in the bathtub 

BASKETBALL. 

He's pretty decent at it nowadays considering he puts in multiple hours a day practicing. I expect him to be master level by age 7. He'll probably be the youngest person ever to be drafted by the NBA. 

For such a healthy, energetic kid he is sick half of every month. It's the worst. I know it could be worse. He could have actual health problems, but I really am ready to just build a basketball court in our house so we never have to get exposed to all those germs that love Rowan. This last month he's thrown up for the first time in his life (I know how lucky to not have had to deal with this at all before now), a 24-hour fever/flu thing, and a never ending cold that has been successful in breaking Rowan's previous record for waking up at night. Let's hope there is a magical transition to health when you hit the year and a half mark...

Rowan can clearly say some words now. He says "hi, bye-bye, momma, dada, gun (thanks dad for having a locker full of nerf guns to teach his tiny self this one), cheese, no, uh-oh, wow, whoa, baaa (for ball) and our all-time favorite, chocolate". He is also fluent in some dilaect of Bulgarian. Rowan talks alllll the time. We have no clue what he is saying most of the time, but whatever is being said is perfectly constructed in sentences with proper punctuation. 

We are pro at tackling. In nursery yesterday, a kid took a toy Rowan was playing with and he tackled him so effectively and quickly the kid didn't even cry. I cringe at his aggressiveness while also being in awe at how well he can tackle. Football might just make it to number 2 on our list of favorite things. He is also a revenge seeker which we are trying to break. Last week he fell while going down the slide that belongs to the family I nanny for. He was mad so he came and pushed me. It was obviously my fault. I was sitting in the kitchen feeding the baby and very clearly pushed him...Oh brother. 

When we have to say sorry to another kid for pushing them or pulling Kylie's hair or taking their toy or doing some other typical toddler thing, Rowan will awkwardly lay his head on their shoulder. Instead of hugging with his arms he just uses his head. It's adorable. 

Row's favorite food is still chocolate. We've successfully eliminated it enough from his diet that he doesn't ask for it all the time like he used to. We go through phases of eating next to nothing to eating heartily and healthily. I've heard it's normal. Rowan will eat Chick-fil-A chicken tenders any day, anywhere, any time. We probably go way too much to that place. Rowan loves cuties and can pound three in one setting. It gives me a special sense of pride knowing he seems like he won't hate oranges the way I did growing up.

Music and dancing. This kid loves a good beat. It takes almost nothing to get him shakin his elbows. He'll just start dancing anywhere we here music. It's one of my favorite things about him. He only watches shows that have music. We've tried Daniel Tiger a few times, but he only makes it a few minutes because the music just isn't' there.

STAR WARS. My in-laws visited and bought Sel a belated birthday present of the entire collection of Star Wars plus my sister had bought Rowan a light saber for Christmas. Now we have a full-blown fanatic over here. He hums the Imperial March at least once a day. It's currently his theme song for life. I'm really happy we've fallen in love with this show instead of Teletubbies or Barney or some other show that makes me cringe. Oh, but we don't like Episodes 1-3. We only watch 4-6 because it has Darth Vadar. Can't say the kid lacks good taste.

Rowan does this little gasp when you ask him about something he likes. If you ask him whether he liked playing basketball in the pool with daddy this weekend his faces brightens and he lets out a big open-mouth gasp of excitement. It gets me every time.

Rowan is also so handsome! I'm his mom so I can brag, right? Row is like a miniature stud. (People say he looks just like his dad, so yeah- major stud alert people). He's always been cute, but his reigning characteristic is handsome. Something about him has always been so masculine even for a little baby or toddler. I again think Sel passed his inherit manliness to Rowan. Can we talk about how much they look alike again? I have yet to hear someone say, "Golly! No doubt who his mom is!". I know that could make some people sad, but as I explained it to someone the other day like this. The man I chose to marry, the man I thought was more attractive than any other man I've ever met, and the man I wanted to have babies with passed on his genes to our kid (soon to be kids). Am I disappointed Rowan looks like a replica of his dad? Heck freaking no. I want all of our kids to look like mini-Sels even the soon-to-be girl. I married Sel for more than his looks, but those were definitely a selling point sooo yeah, please compliment me by saying my kid looks exactly like the man I think is the handsomest in all the land.

On another note, I'm still nursing Rowan. Most people have been grossed out by this. I think it's weird they are, but everyone is different I suppose. I keep being on the fence about weaning. Somedays he''ll not nurse at all and I'll think "Hey! I guess that ship has sailed". Then he'll want to nurse seven times the next day. I do really want to wean him by the time Lyra makes her grand appearance because I see tandem nursing going very badly for us. I'm also super noncommittal so maybe he'll be that freaky kindergartner still nursing (jooooke guys. It's a joke). Some people have asked that incredulously when they find out. "Will he nurse until he's five?" Since 18 months is so incredibly old to be nursing? My MIL nursed all her kids until they were 2 and they all turned out just fine. Better than fine. They are all really successful, awesome, good-looking contributors to society who certainly don't have any "attachment issues" or "scarring memories".  This could be another post, but I'll not turn this one into a massive one about that. BUT the World Health Organization says this, " Review of evidence has shown that, on a population basis, exclusive breastfeeding for 6 months is the optimal way of feeding infants. Thereafter infants should receive complementary foods with continued breastfeeding up to 2 years of age or beyond. "

He doesn't completely understand he is getting a little sister, but I think he gets it a little. He loves to say hi to my belly and kiss it. He LOVES babies. Adores them. Can't think of anything else if they are in the room. He also has a new love for little girl clothes. It's so random, but he'll start throwing in little girl clothes to our cart whenever we go out. Only girl stuff. I've tested it out by handing him little boy clothes which he drops on the floor and beelines it for the pinks, yellows and purples. He knows more than I think he does. He's going to be an adorable big brother.

Row is just such a happy kid! He is so full of joy and light. He carries this special something about him. Whenever we are out, people will always pay him some sort of compliment if he smiles at them. I don't feel like I am bias in this. Is he cute? Oh yeah. Is he friendly and adorable? For sure. But I think the real thing that attracts people to Rowan is how he just exudes this pure excitement for living, for discovering, for being. I think that's what makes kids so special. They haven't lost that light and pure love. Rowan continues to be the sweetest little boy alive. He is so loving and tender. I can never put into words how much I love him. Happy Half Little Halfling!

Helping bake cookies

Rowan's favorite chore that I never ask him to do is clean the toilet. 

I must have said something pretty funny

My friend is letting us borrow her doppler and one of Row's favorite things is to listen to the baby in his tummy and the one in mine. 

One of the many days Row was sick in the past few months. He wanted to hold his baby doll all day. 

Watching Mother Goose Club and obviously loving it. 

Gah! Look at him! 

He really loved having Grandpa around.

Jedi in training 

Stealing my wallet to feed his basketball addiction at the arcade 

We didn't buy the 20 outfits he put in there, but he picked out some pretty cute stuff

He might have inherited Sel's looks, but he regrettably inherited my sweet tooth. He'll hate me for a lot of things one day and this is probably going to be on the list. 

Baby #2 (7-8 weeks?)

These days are going by soooo slow. Something I remember vividly from the first time around with Rowan. Why must Oct 30th be forever away? The pregnancy crazy has decided to make a reappearance, but luckily not as intense as the first time. Hopefully it keeps that way in the passing weeks.

1. Number of Weeks:  About 8 weeks? Still not sure about this. We will find out in TEN days! Come on and get here already. 

2. Due Date:  Somewhere between May 28th, 2016- June 3rd, 2016? Which going by how late Rowan was, most likely the middle of June. 

3. Gender : I still feel like I know on this one, but I probably don't. I honestly would be happy with either! A little buddy for Rowan or a little sis for him. I still am trying to convince Sel to let me find out as my Christmas present, but he wants to wait until it's Free.99 at the OB office in January. 

4. Baby Size: About the size of a raspberry. 

5. Weight Gain/Loss: Down 4 lbs. With Rowan's pregnancy I lost 13 lbs in the first trimester without really being sick. I just wasn't as interested in food which wasn't the worst thing that could have happened to my food-loving self. This time around, I find my nausea peaks when I am hungry. If I am able to get past the first few bites, I feel fine. I am sooo lucky in pregnancy. I know too many friends and family who get ragingly sick and I seriously don't know how they do it. I was a bit terrified of getting pregnant again while having to chase Rowan around, but I've been amazingly blessed.

6 Maternity Clothes: Still no. The attractive bloating from the past few weeks has diminished a bit. 

7. Energy/Sleep Still not overwhelming with this one. It's not an all day thing. It will hit randomly and then stop if I sit down for a little bit.  

8. Symptoms: They really come and go. The crazy has set in regarding my fluctuating symptoms. When I feel normal, I am convinced we've lost the baby. When the nausea, aches, and irritability return I feel better thinking everything is okay. I know that sounds nuts, but I've always been a little crazy. It makes sense that pregnancy sends me over that line I constantly tip-toe around. My emotions aren't nearly as intense and volatile as before. Instead of mood swings, I've been having temperature swings. I will get so, so hot I can hardly handle it. Five minutes later I will be throwing on layers upon layers of blankets, coats, sweaters to keep warm.

9. Exercise: I am very proud of myself for exercising everyday (minus Sunday) so far. The days I work leave me pretty worn down, but I've managed to force myself to walk on the treadmill or do my pregnancy video tape anyway. I also ran a mile at the gym today and felt relatively normal during it. Enough to, of course, convince me I was miscarrying. WHY AM I SO CRAZY? Why do people feel the need to tell pregnant women about miscarriages immediately upon hearing they are expecting? 

10. Thoughts for this Week I just can't wait for our ultrasound! I just want to see the little bean, see the heartbeat and have someone else confirm that this is actually happening. We've told a small handful of people and I can hardly wait to tell our families. We had this idea of waiting until we found out the gender to spill the beans, but I don't think I can wait that long. I've been having a bit of guilt about having another since it's been effecting my milk supply for Rowan. He will nurse for a little bit, then look up at me with those big blue eyes of his and plead for more milk. It hurts my heart a little bit to not be able to give it to him. He also hates juice and plain milk so weaning him to something else is going about as well as you could imagine for a child who hates anything but water or chocolate milk.