Creepy Old Men

I have encountered a wide range of creepy old men in my life. The ones who, when you go to shake their hand, not only hold yours for too long but do a nasty finger massage in your palm. Or the ones who stare at you with that uncomfortable, "If I was a few years younger" look. Well, I am apparently a constant attractor of the creepiest of the creeps. Now one would normally suspect this would be some sort of compliment on my attractiveness level. Not so. Those who are truly attractive intimidate creepy old men into suppressed restraint and cause all the young, non-creepy guys to fall in love with them. People like my roommates fall into this category. I unfortunately fall into the later. My extensive evidence comes from many years of creepy man encounters and is derived particularly from the experiences of the past two weeks. Here comes the cookie cutter definition of a creepy old man. I am walking with a semi-creeper man into one of the departments and we stop at this man's desk who I say "hi" to in the hallways sometimes. The three of us are talking for awhile and the creeper man turns to the other and says something to the effect of, "Thanks for bringing her around. I derive such pleasure from looking at young, beautiful girls like her". Um, what? I am standing right here mister! The favorite creeper comment came shortly after this. I said I wanted to go to Hawaii this summer. Jokingly, they said they said would come too. Creepy man numero uno goes, "I would go to Hawaii if you went. I would bring my binoculars so I could look through them and find your good looking body on the beach."Creeper number two goes, "I have binoculars with a camera..we could bring those" To which number one's reply was "Naw, like I said. I like finding pleasure in the now." They both turn to me and laugh. In the epitome of awkwardness I forcibly laugh for lack of anything else to do and hurriedly mumble something about getting back to work. Before I am able to stumble away, creepy man one asks if I have a boyfriend. Upon discovering I don’t, he expresses how grateful he is that my boyfriend won’t be coming to beat him up. He also threw in there how sad he is that his only son is married. “To have you as a daughter-in-law, ohhh, it would be like having sunshine in the house everyday”. I truly admire the skill of these men. Throw in some seemingly flattering and kind thoughts to mask the creepy ones. Impressive. Moral of the Story: Men out there: Don't be creepers. Thanks a heap!