Declarations of a King: The Imaginaries vs Sel

This is going to be a quick little blip about why Sel surpasses my imaginary friends I had in elementary school and maybe plus or minus a few years after graduation (from high school).

Imaginary Buddies

Helped me catch neighborhood criminals via gum wrappers left in the church parking lot
Played Oregon Trail with me during recess
Fought off evil wizards, demon robots, blood thirsty vampires, and creepy zombies
Caught me when I almost fell into the hot lava surrounding my bed
Were the ones who actually made my sister run screaming to my mother cause they would poke her and make it look like it was me
Saved me from the Tower of Grounding when the rulers banished me

Sel

Helps me carry aka carries all my heavy things everywhere even when I repeatedly tell him that I am an Olympic gold medalist in weight lifting and silver medalist in persistence.
Plays with me in IKEA by setting twenty plus kitchen timers for five minutes and cracks up laughing behind the pillows as they all go off in spurts, alarming unsuspecting shoppers
Fights off hunger by buying me frozen yogurt (my imaginary peeps never bought me anything...I could probably stop my comparison here) and shares all the homemade leftovers with me and makes me dinner whenever he gets the chance.
I helped make this pizza :) hence it being questionable-please note the abnormal tail) with Royale Whiz and DJ Wise

Catches me when I stumble (which happens frequently) and catches me pleasantly off guard sometimes by singing 80's music in falsetto
Is the one who has actually agreed to take all my tests for me and write my LAME English paper I am wishing would banish its sorry self to the Tower of Grounding
Saves me from ever being bored, unhappy, grumpy, hungry, or pessimistic. He also saves me from dragons, serial killers, lava, vampires, zombies, evil wizards, demon robots, Disney channel, flying mirkins, sweet meat slams, dolls, physics, Darth Vadar, the abominable snow man, and beef. You might be wondering if he has actually saved me from all of these. Answer: Oh boy, you better believe it

I know plenty of you are going to go away now and create imaginary friends who are like Sel. The sad truth you will eventually have to face is that imaginary Sels are not nearly as amazing as real Sels (though they are infinitely better than having no Sels in your life. Shudder-that would be terrible) Real Sels give you real food and imaginary Sels give you imaginary food. No matter how hard you believe the imaginary food is real (as good ole Robin did in Hook), it will not taste as fantastical (notice the ironic word usage) as the homemade pizza a real Sel would broil for you. Hope your imaginary friends are treating you well! If not, try molding them a bit after Sel and see if they suddenly become the hilarious, fun, food giving friend you were hoping for :)