The Iron Lateral Malleolus

In Loving Memory of Whiz's Healthy Lateral Malleolus

Outdoor winter sports and I have never been real good friends. I always seem to lose circulation to my extremities within minutes of playing around in the snow. When I was younger, my family and I would go skiing in some of the "best snow on Earth". I would zoom down the hill for about five seconds and then WHAM, massive face plant into the snow. Tears. Cold. More Tears. My dad telling me to get up. Another face plant. Tears. And by 11AM, I was about ready to use my skis to bludgeon anyone who encouragingly told me to keep trying. This was why I was not super excited when I found out my family-in-law wanted us to go skiing with them this weekend. Conversation with my mom on the Wednesday before

Me: Mom! Guess what I am going to do this weekend?

Mom: What?

Me: Going skiing with the Sels!

Mom: Oh no.

Me: Guess what else I am going to do this weekend?

Mom: Go to the emergency room?

Me: Ha. Funny.Why do you always expect me to get hurt?

Little did my mom know she was predicting the future. I did go to the emergency room this weekend. My father-in-law is a beast. He is technically 51, but he neither looks it nor acts like it. I would Wii fit him at 23-years-old. We will come back to this wonderful fellow in just a jiff. I have to foreshadow the story so it makes it even more entertaining and suspenseful for you. Sel, Kit, Caboodle, Briz, Briz's buddy, Whiz, KT, Hans, & Bobert (look how secretive this names are..and yet how amazingly cool. Bet they wish these were their real names) all headed up to Powder Mountain early in the morning. Sel and I got to take a skiing lesson with a friendly, love-struck instructor for three hours of powdery fun. Guess what? I didn't fall AT ALL. Yup, not once. In fact, it was easily the most fun I have EVER had skiing. I had Sel, the fresh mountain air, Joe the instructor, and only mildly cold fingers. Blissful. Sel and I even had a few racing games after lunch. I got to have a 60 second head start and then Sel would try and beat me to the bottom. I beat him...kind of...sorta..not at all. Sel's the best. Ever.

Now back to that early foreshadowing reference. Whiz, Sel's poptart, went off with Briz & BB to dodge pine trees in the fresh powder. They took on black diamond runs, double black diamond runs, diamond headed spears dipped in poison runs. They were kind of a big deal (still are). Not as cool as Sel and I on the green circles of course, but not too shabby. We called my parentals as we rolled on back to G&G's house to announce zero fatalities and injuries. We gleefully trotted into the house to tell the rest of the fam about our glorious day. Sixty seconds later, Briz came in to announce Whiz's ankle was broken. We stared at him suspecting he was telling a story. False. He was not. We found Whiz laying just outside the front door with his ankle draped unnaturally over the one and only step. The Sels were calm to the core. They gently picked up Whiz and carried him to the car. To keep him from going into shock on the ride to the hospital, Sel had to have him touch his iphone for comfort. I have never seen a happier patient than Whiz. Whiz is a radiologist who has never broken a bone or even been a patient in the hospital. He seemed fascinated to be the patient for once. He just snuggled up with his morphine, iPad, and iPhone in that ever comfortable hospital bed and asked to look at the x-rays so he could diagnose himself. 8 screws, one plate, and four hours later, Whiz easily came out of anesthesia to enjoy an orange popsicle (he was on drugs. He couldn't appropriately discern how nasty of a flavor the hospital demons were giving him). He and DSW shoes than drove the three or so hours back to IF without complaint. He even went into work today. Oh and they inserted a retractable knife into his ankle so he can karate slash anyone who threatens him. That's my dad-in-law folks. Be jealous of his awesomeness.