Dark Chocolate Overload

I have started four, FOUR posts to try and convey the emotions I feel about the end of the semester. This is me giving up. Instead of delving into deeper emotions, I will just narrow my focus to this week and the upcoming days. I finished my finals! This is just one of the many things that feel fake about current life. I will never take a physics class again! Kind of a bummer actually because it was really starting to get interesting with relativity, nuclear reactions, and superconductivity. I am officially CPR, AED, and Advanced First Aid certified. This supposedly means my professor’s attempts to desensitize me to gushing blood, outward protruding intestines, impaled eyeballs, poisonous bites and stings, and any form of sudden illness have been successful. The volunteers to test this theory backed out right before our final, so I can’t actually be sure. I am half-way to being ready for my marathon happening in 6 short weeks. 16 credits, my job, my calling, lack of having a time turner, and the ministries hold on my ability to use magic in front of muggles has put a bit of a damper on my training. Due to these aspects, I have officially changed my goal time of 3 hours and 28 minutes to “finish with both of my legs still attached and my heart still pumping”. I got more chocolate from my phenomenal section. In addition to previously mentioned chocolate items, I was gifted three dark chocolate Lindt balls, a twix, a snickers, and a big bag of dark chocolate M&M’s.

I think the secret about my dark chocolate obsession leaked out somewhere. My favorite one was from one of my favorite students ever. She is working on the chocolate project for the Anthropology department and heading to Venezuela for her senior thesis aka she knows a thing or two about chocolate. Many are under the false impression that European chocolate is “the best”. The lies you poor souls have been fed-literally (if you are reading this Pam, I petition for this use of literally to be acceptable on the premise of interesting use of the English language for a beautiful analogy). South American chocolate is where it is at. Instructions on how to properly partake of the chocolate were included in the wrapping. I have never felt classier. I wish I had an instruction sheet like this for all my food. Ice-cream= take one spoonful and then back away slowly until you gain some semblance of self control. Raspberries=leave some for the rest of the world population and the fishes cause they are particularly fond of both raspberries and dihydrogen monoxide. I am afraid I will never adore my students again this much. The sweet student who gave me the Venezualan chocolate actually sent my parents an email that made them cry because it was so complimentary of me. Since I am a direct product of their genetic mixing and nurturing abilities, it is actually a compliment to their evolutionary skills as human beings. A+ at life parents. I love you both!

Upcoming events: 13 hour road trip with D, B-Rose, and Lys to Portland. Sars Wedding. Easter with the future tribal members in Idaho Falls. Columbus, the Roch, Toledo (to meet the other future tribal members), and D.C. for a week or so with my family!

Summer Days Coming This Way!

A Special Thanks to My Sponsors

At the close of this successful semester, I would like to thank a few of my sponsors.

1. Sel-wow! Words. Words. Words. I really don’t know how I could possibly express my gratitude to you. You=favorite human being ever.

2. My Horror Novelist Father, Private Eye Mother, and More Attractive Twin Person: I love you. Dad, I have always appreciated the time you take away from your writing to spend time with me and listen to me rant for the 100^th time about how my life is consequently ending due to my test scores. Mom, I know that taking time away from solving murders has always been stressful for you. I am glad you always made your two favorite daughters a priority even when killers were on the lose. Also, thank you for instilling the constant need to create lists into me. Twin, I have nothing to say to you until you stop being so beautiful.

This is what you look like now

This is what you will need to look like for me to talk to you again

3. Kindly Klan of Klose Kin-You know who you are (Mugs/Jen/Eggies…other family members who read this that I don’t know about). You know what you have done. You know the punishment. You know your fate. A never ending supply of really excellently brewed karma. I don’t know how I would have made it through this semester without each you you let alone this crazy thing called life.

I hadn't realized the giant amount of pics I have from last summer with the Milks. Chrome Dome+Mugs=Love

Kit and Associated Members of the Coolest People Ever (if you read my blog, you are automatically a member of this highly selective group)- Thank you Associated Members for making me laugh. My bounty paper towel hard abs thank you. Kit particularly has made my life blissful. Now that I have the protective enchantments of the Deathly Hallows, nothing could ever dream of harming me. Also, you are much too thoughtful and sweet to be a normal person. This has lead to me investigating your origins. I know who you are and I promise not to tell if you let me repay you over the next sixty or so years.

5. Future Tribal Members: D^2 = AMAZING. You two have been beyond kind. I also have investigated your origins and since most of the world is completely aware that D1 is a Hogwarts Graduate and D2 is the Buffy of the Zombie Slayers, I feel safe in acknowledging my intentions to also pay you back for the rest of my life. Also, thank you for excelling at your evolutionary human skills by raising Sel-I have heard it wasn’t as easy as it might have looked ;)

6. Roommates-Please reference past post “For Good”. Hard to imagine how I would have avoided an insane asylum without you all.

7. My Bed- Though you and I didn’t get to spend much time together this semester, what time we did spend was magical. I will really miss you over these next 48 hours.

8. Missed Sponsors-those who I am too tired to think of right now, you’re all awesome. Many thanks.

L

My Series of Unfortunate Events

There is nothing redeeming about finals week. Nothing. It is a blood bath of horrific exhaustion, frustration, and stress. This morning was my nightmare on B-Mont street. Last night I studied until about 1AM and then set my phone alarm for 5:30AM so I could get in some solid hours of studying before I took it at 8AM. At about 5:00AM, I woke up, went to the bathroom, and celebrated the fact that I had 30 more minutes of blissful slumbering. This is the conversation, that in my frame of reference, commenced a few minutes later.

Sars: L, when is your final?

L: (mumbling into my pillow) 8AM. Why?

Sars: So like in 30 minutes?

L: No. It isn't even 5:30AM yet.

Sars: Um...it is 7:30AM

I threw off my covers in a panic and started searching for my failure of a phone. Turns out my phone is not a failure. I just happened to leave it in the hallway when I got up to go to the bathroom and it had been going off dutifully for the past two hours. As I ransacked my drawers, I looked mournfully at the living mass of laundry I haven't done for the past three weeks. Magnificent. I grabbed my flip-flops and Sars sweetly drove me as close to campus as she could. I stepped out of the car to pouring rain. Of course I didn't have a coat and my shoes were completely impractical for the weather. After almost slipping for the fourth time, I angrily wrenched off my flip-flops and stomped my barefoot self to the cursed room where my final was being administered. I was also wearing my glasses so everything looked like a kaleidescope of death. As I flung open the door to the room , I watched as each of my peers turned to gawk at the hideous being blocking their escape to happiness. An audible shudder tore through the class and some poor soul fainted. There I was, unshowered, starving, unprepared, barefoot, wet, bespectacled, foaming at the mouth and ready to attack anyone who looked happy. Instead of initiating the monstrous rampage I was highly contemplating, I flung myself into one of the desks. My fellow students spent the next two hours gnawing their fingernails to the bone with worry that at any second the unthinkable would happen: my wrath would be unleashed on their innocent selves. They were lucky. I fear for the other innocents who might cross my path in the next three days. If Cecil wants to negotiate a peace treaty, I am more than willing to cooperate. I won't unleash the beast if he promises to give me A's on all my finals, packs and cleans my room for me, moves all my stuff to the Riv, goes to LabCorp so I can send in my formal agreement to Watson, and buys all of my roommates and I a plane ticket to Oregon. Happy Finals Week Everyone!

L

My New Home

(This is a picture of Sel trying to get some sleep during his extensive studies. He actually had to chop off his other arm to get comfortable)

I am an official permanent resident of the Harold B. Lee Library. They mailed me a housing contract yesterday and a "thank you" note for helping them with publicity. Ever since I started living at the library, an abnormal amount of students have been seen here during the late hours of the night.

The following hours I was present at the library are the proof they used to prove my residency.

Friday: 4:00PM-12:00AM (8 hours)

Saturday: 1:00PM-7:30PM (6.5 hours)

Monday: 7:00PM-1:30AM (6.5 hours)

Tuesday: 12:00PM-12:30AM (12.5 hours)

Since I go to college, I know a thing or two. I know how to add. (Slowly lift your lower jaw from off the table and take a few breaths to get over the shock you just experienced)

My total time in the library over the span of four days = 33.5 hours

My total time spent at the place I am actually paying rent to live over those four days= 26 hours

26/4 = 6.5 hours (whoa that's right. I even know how to do division after taking three years of college courses) each day for sleeping and getting ready in the morning. And every once in awhile, eating or bathing (though these are both rare occurances at B-monty lately)

Though I haven't taken Stats yet, I am using a probability curve to estimate that my time in the library will increase by 10% the week of finals. My bathing will decrease by 22%. Eating will decrease by 34%. Sleeping will decrease by 98%. Sanity will decrease by 100%. Hatred for school will, however, experience a 100% increase.

Just to let the world know. I have officially completed my massive research report. Since I have spent an exorbitant amount of time on it these past few days

, I simply need to talk about it so my brain can kiss this topic goodbye.

My research questions was: "What is the Validity of Using the Head-Up Tilt Table Test in Diagnosing Vasovagal Syncope"

You would think since I have vasovagal that I would know a lot about it. You would sadly be mistaken. When I was first diagnosed with it, I was pretty sure it was a made up disorder by doctor's who had no idea what was wrong with the patient.

37 Medical journals, 24 pages of analyzing research, a pointless oral presentation on my findings and billions of hours of my life I will never get back later and I have come to a much different conclusion.

Vasovagal syncope is a made up disorder by doctor's who have no idea that the patient in question has such a complex and highly sophisticated brain that it experiences shortages every once in awhile to cope with it's superiority to other brains.

Yes, this was the conclusion I used to answer my research question. Yes, I am certain I will get an A. Yes, I really wish I was serious.

Here is a special sneak peak of my surely thrilling paper. I plan to have a poster of this mounted above my bed so I can admire this truly remarkable image.

For Good

I have been contemplating what to write for weeks in regard to my roommates. I mostly didn't want to think about it though because it meant my time living with all of them would be coming to an end :(

To anyone reading this, I want to apologize that you didn't have the best roommates, friends, and sisters in the entire world. I somehow ended up with the best six in the entire world (though one of them has taken an honorary leave of absence for the past to years to live with her manfellow). I have heard so many horror stories about crazy roommates. Roommates who make one dread going home everyday. Roommates who cook obscure smelling things and refuse to bath for weeks on end. Roommates who make one's life miserable. I have the hardest time trying to understand what it would be like to have a roommate who you didn't love unconditionally.

I started my freshman year off at the Y loathing everything about it. I began looking into transferring to the U and wrote some really entertaining journal entries about my dislike for Cougarland. At the end of one of my scathing entries, I wrote this:

"Even though I really don't like it here that much, my roommates are the pro list outweighing the multiple cons. I don't understand how I have come to love virtual strangers so deeply in such a short amount of time. They have become the best friends I've ever had"

Please Note: I have now come to be rather fond of the Y. Dad, could you please help Mom off the floor and check both of you into the nearest hospital. I will come visit both of you in the Cardiac Arrest wing when I done with these wretched finals.

It is hard to describe how exactly each one has changed my life. You know the song, "For Good" from Wicked? I have been thinking about those lyrics a lot. Specifically these ones-

I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return

I know it might sound a bit crazy to some, but I know my roommates weren't a lucky click of the mouse when I signed up for housing. They came into my life for a reason and they have helped me grow in so many ways. It is so strange to think back to life before them and realize I didn't know them in high school (other than B-rose) or junior high or my whole life. They are a constant source of joy, happy memories, laughs, and love. Though I would be lying if I said I wasn't sad at the thought of not being with them next year, I would be lying if I thought everything was actually coming to an end. Lys will get back from the much to far away land of Romania in good time. Bron will become so famous she can fly us all out to visit her in New York. Sars will have a baby that she will beg me to babysit and dress in obscure infant clothing. D and B-Rose will be having slumber parties with Sel and I (don't scoff, it totally could happen). Cind will also have a baby she will beg me to babysit. The future looks wonderfully bright for the B-Monty girls :)

Here are some pictures of our night on the P-Town strip. Please note how all of my roommates are not just pretty, but GoRgEoUs. That is probably my only slight complaint of the past three years. I tried to request homely ones so I wouldn't feel quite as bad about myself as I rolled out of bed with poofy hair and drool caked all over my cheek. The housing people REALLY got it wrong. My roommates are not only stunning at all points of the day (including when singing birds pull away their covers and they gracefully glide out of bed looking like some sort of warped Disney princess) they are all intelligent, compassionate, friendly, hilarious, talented, and perfect. I actually had to wheelbarrow off the men who swooned at the sight of them which led to me developing massive guns and winning the 2014 Olympics in weight lifting. Silver linings all over the place.

Partaking of the over-priced sugary (I feel like I should add non-alcoholic here) drinks of Spark

My African-American roommate and my soon to be Ghanaian roommate.

My soon-to-be Romanian roommate and my soon-to-be Miskellian roommate

The Michigan twins. People tell us all the time how similar we look. Except then they add how I am the less talented twin which I feel is highly unnecessary to comment upon

Pretty much in love with them.

128 Days

My forte has never really been making good choices. I was the little girl at Arctic Circle (I would have put McDonalds if I didn't hate that wretched, atherosclerosis inducing place as much as I do) who would stare at the menu for ten minutes, take another ten to debate between three choices, finally make a decision, and then burst into tears a few seconds after the order was made because I wished I had ordered something different. Recent bad decisions include, but are not limited to:

1.Waiting until a week before my 3,000 word research paper is due to crank out my first paragraph

2. Deciding to sign up for my cursed 8AM class

3. Thinking I would have enough time this semester to train for my marathon

4. Not hiring an on-call massage therapist named Enrique

5. Streaking across BYU campus in broad daylight while waving an "I love Jimmer" flag

The one really, really, REALLY great choice I have made and the best I will ever make is deciding to marry this kid.

Here is proof of why this is the best choice I have ever made. I added captions, but the pictures could easily prove to the world the correctness of my choice.

I found another person who is 2/23 Mexican-very rare

Sel also happens to store mysterious glass orbs containing prophecies in his onsie

Sel is a botanist. The number one thing on my list of marriage worthy candidates. He also loves giving cute little girls flowers...

Sel once defeated the abominable snowman and now has reign over the best national snow ball fight arenas

Sel looks a bit in pain in this one because a rabid ferret bit into his left buttox the moment D clicked the flash. He is now the only survivor of rabies.

My funds have become so drastically reduced that I am forced to share Sel's clothing. Something he is surprisingly willing to do

Sel and I are the first humans to dig an underground tunnel from P-town to the Galapagos Islands

128 days folks until L becomes Mrs. Sel. (Why yes, that is the adorable paper chain Sel made to count down until our wedding)