Adulting Fail

Most of the time I am deliriously happy with my life. It's really not that tough of a life. I have a wonderful husband, an adorable son, warm home, a healthy body, a sweet baby girl on the way, a beautiful faith, loving extended family/in-laws, etc. It's great. 

Sometimes though, my brain doesn't quite get the full message that life is good and I'm not the worst person that ever lived. 

While Sel was doing his away rotation, we went to visit him and stay at this awesome hotel/waterpark. They had this "toilet bowl" slide where Row and I got to watch Sel slowly spiral around in his tube before disappearing through a center of swirling water. I feel like I'm stuck on the tube sometimes and I just keep spiraling toward a center of adulting failure. 

The simplest things start to feel like insurmountable tasks. Sel asked me about two months ago to schedule an eye appointment for him. There were some other things that made it way harder than a simple phone call (getting a new insurance card) but even the idea of making a silly, simple phone call stressed me out. Sel essentially asks me for nothing, ever. Why was this so hard for me?!

Yesterday I accidentally kicked Rowan in the head which caused him to cry hysterically. I sat on the floor holding him bawling equally as hard apologizing over and over. Sel came in thinking something seriously wrong was happening. I was crying too hard to tell him he didn't need to take either of us to the E.R. Today, I was packing a bag of Nerf guns for a youth activity tonight and Rowan snuck up behind and I again accidentally banged his poor, sweet head AGAIN. Commence another mother-son crying session. 

I look around at other people who have more kids, more responsibilities, less time, spouses who are gone more, work a crazy amount of hours and have absolutely no idea how they have their stuff together while I can't even remember to get our mail on a daily basis, or take the trash cans to the curb, or wash my kids hands every five minutes so he doesn't get sick every five days. 

I am surrounded by people who are acing life. Not only are they doing adulting like a pro, they mentally have their stuff together. They don't feel overwhelmed with their responsibilities and they know how to pull the brakes on their negative spiral. 

When Sel and I got engaged, by dad told Sel he had already seen him expertly walk me away from the edge. I realized then exactly what my parents have had to do my whole life for me and what it looked like Sel was getting into. I feel like I'm always wandering out there to that edge of feeling like a total failure. I don't think I suffer from depression or anxiety per say, I just am always toeing that line. 

I can bounce back to feeling better pretty quickly, but it generally takes someone's strong hand to help me back (usually Sel's ridiculously manly hand). 

I remember hearing that someone suffered from depression and thinking they will get over it soon enough. Take some meds, see a therapist, write what you're grateful for, etc. I don't think I ever realized what it might actually be like for that person, that they can get over individual battles with depression but they might always be at war with their minds, always having to make an effort to fight back against that dumb toilet bowl slide. 

I will do the dishes, make dinner, AND do laundry and feel momentarily awesome about myself. I will then look around and realize I should have cleaned up more, done a hundred stimulating activities with Rowan so he won't fail at life, done something sweet for my hard-working hubs, read a classic or a medical journal so I don't lapse into a zombie of a person, attempted to organize the things that have been staring expectantly at me for weeks, run a few miles, planned my meals for the week, visited the elderly, study my scriptures, grrrr. My mind just starts to blaze the path of comparing. So-and-so cleans their baseboards with a toothbrush and works a full-time job and never buys chocolate kisses for their kid to pass out to on Valentines day and ends up eating half the bag before Sunday. I think I purposely try to make myself seem extraordinarily laid back because then I can NOT care about those things. Good for so-and-so and their accomplishments cause I'm over here re-watching The Office with my feet happily propped on a pile of clean laundry I should fold. 

Tomorrow I will again chide myself for over-sharing and throwing my feelings on a public page instead of just packing them silently away in my journal. I respect people being real though. I've spent a good portion of my life not being real (classic people pleaser problems) and I feel like being real today. Today wasn't excellent, but tomorrow probably will be. And if not, thank goodness for Sel. And Rowan's giggles. And most of all, chocolate.

22 Weeks

Sometimes I feel like I've become gradually less interesting of a person. It's not that I was overly fascinating before, but I think it's been a downward spiral since becoming a mom. I mostly operate on survival mode. Is my child breathing? Check. Did I fed him? A+. Does he have a mostly fresh diaper? Way to be. Is he clothed? Eh. Does sort of count? Is he happy/safe/stimulated? Kind of. 

I love it. I love it so much! But it also means if you don't think my kid is the best person in the universe, then I'm sort of a boring person to talk to. I've started to notice my brain completely flat-lines when I'm having a conversation with someone. I can't think of a single thing to say. I can't even think of a question to ask them which I am normally pretty stellar at. I just stare vacantly (probably with my mouth open) at whomever I am talking to until they feel uncomfortable enough to excuse themselves from my presence. I think I can blame "pregnancy brain" for at least part of my failure to communicate with other human beings. 

How is this all making an appearance on my post about pregnancy? It's sort of an apology to anyone who used to like to read my blog cause I had more to talk about than my child and my soon-to-be second. That's all I can mentally afford to be lately is "mom". I wouldn't have it any other way, but I know it doesn't always make for an interesting read. 

Soooo on to the current loading status of baby numero dos. 

1. Number of Weeks:  Just about 22 weeks. 

2. Due Date:  06.06.16

3. Gender : Still a little lady

4. Baby Size: A spaghetti squash. She was 13 oz at my most recent ultrasound two weeks ago. 

5. Weight Gain/Loss: Still below my pre-pregnancy weight by 2 lbs. Getting close to finally being back to what it was. I feel very lucky it's been a slow weight gain so far, but I haven't forgotten how gigantic I get near the end. I luckily didn't gain much overall weight with Row, but I still looked so big. I find it incredibly ironic that I was back to my pre-pregnancy weight the week after having Rowan and it took me 10 months of kicking my butt to lose the weight I gained breastfeeding. I'm a freak of nature who loses weight without trying during pregnancy and gains weight breastfeeding while exercising and eating well. The universe can play some really messed up jokes on you sometimes. My dream is to NOT gain weight during breastfeeding this time around. I'm not sure how to do it differently since I was running from 6 weeks postpartum and eating fairly well, but it's going to happen. Just wait.

6 Maternity Clothes: Bless you maternity clothes. Bless you. You know you've reached an all-time low of not caring about your appearance when you're not just wearing sweatpants everyday, but maternity sweatpants. My maternity jeans are irritating. Again with my ultra-weird body during pregnancy. I'm somehow down to the jean size I was while training for my marathon during college, but my belly obviously is toting a human. SO all my maternity pants fall straight off my butt, but if I wear a belt I feel like I'm crushing Lyra against all my internal organs. They also make me have to pee every five seconds instead of my usual ten second intervals. 

I've been majorly blessed with a mom who goes mad buying clothes. She had already stocked my closet during my Rowan pregnancy with tons of cute things and went ballistic during this Christmas. I have maternity clothes for months now. 

7. Energy/Sleep I now sleep with 800 pillows. Sel has been on an away rotation so it hasn't been a big deal, but I think he's going to want to suffocate me with one of those 800 pillows when he gets back. Ever since I had Rowan, I need to sleep on my back. My hips hurt too badly otherwise. Guess what? You can't sleep on your back when you're pregnant or your baby will die and you will have a heart-attack (according to my google search). My OB did say it was best to avoid back-sleeping so Dr. Google only exaggerated something that's real. I have to wrap my arms and legs around a body pillow and then I stack two big body pillows behind me so I can lay on my back when I fall asleep. It sounds comfy, but it's not. Row wakes up typically once a night which is perfect because it usually corresponds with when I need to get up to go pee. He's just helping his old-lady out. 

8. Symptoms: Crazy. Being crazy is a symptom of being me, but gets worse during pregnancy. I always find out about awful stories during pregnancy and spend my life thinking about all the things that could go wrong. It's awful. I hate it. Is there therapy for someone like me? Cause there should be. 

I've been achy lately in my hips and upper abs. I haven't been able to figure out if it's from one of my workouts this week or if I'm going into early labor (please see above symptom)

Fatigue. I've been feeling exhausted at the smallest thing lately. Rowan loves when I go down slides behind him at play lands. We were at Chick-fil-A this week and had the play land to ourselves. I could only go down the slide twice before needing a ten minute break. He was obviously disappointed in my lack of physical strength to go down 80 times in a row like a real mom should be able to. We also have been playing a game where we race from the sliding glass door to our couch. The distance is about 12 feet and I get so winded. Nannying has become tricky because I get so tired carrying two babies around. I don't know how moms with twins have more children. They have super powers for even having twins in the first place let alone adding more to their crew while caring for twins. 

9. Exercise: I am doing a health challenge for the next few weeks and have done a pretty bang up job here. I've mixed it up between Zumba, walking, swimming, biking, ellipticaling (can this be a verb), yoga and a pregnancy strength tape throughout the last three weeks. My achilles is being a butthead again though. This has been a recurrent thing since my half in May. It's a freaking jerk. 

10. Thoughts for this Week I am starting to connect more with this little girl! I keep having dreams that I give birth to another little boy. It's confusing me. Rowan lovesssss her. Adores her. Their connection makes me so excited to finally meet her and see them interact face-to-face. I was panicking a little bit about having a daughter earlier this week and Sel was wise enough to say, "Why don't we just give her a fair chance?" I've been setting myself up to worry about dealing with all the things I was growing up not even giving this girl a fighting chance to show how awesome she's really going to be. 

Just like I had a spiritual experience seeing Rowan has a young adult, I've felt/seen/whatever it is that happens to me with her. When I was thinking about whether we would have a boy next after her, I felt as if this beautiful young woman said "Mom! It's MY turn". I know it sounds kind of odd, but I'm obviously not great at explaining it. I just feel really blessed to have this sweet girl joining our family soon. I cannot wait for that tender newborn stage again where they just lay on you all day long and want nothing more than to be around you. 

I was really glad at the ultrasound that they verified it is for sure a female. A friend loaded me up with baby girl clothes and I had a moment before the ultrasound where I wondered "What if it is a boy? What do I do with all these adorable clothes that I really want to dress a chubby baby girl in?" She's luckily still a she! At my ultrasound, she was being quite the character. My placenta is posterior which means she can feel everything happening outside my belly really well. SO she's been deflecting kicks and punches from Rowan already. The ultrasound got some pictures of her beautifully healthy heart and organs and her gargantuan arms and legs. Rowan measured 5 days ahead of schedule with his limbs but she's about 8 days ahead for hers. The OB commented on it and assured me it was normal, she would just be a long little thing. Lyra was getting SO annoyed during the ultrasound. It's funny how you can tell how a baby is reacting to something when they can't exactly tell you and all you're looking at is black & white images. We couldn't get a shot of her brain or face because she burrowed into my back and pushed her butt against the probe. Anytime the tech would try a different side, she would defiantly stick her bum in that direction. No more pictures lady. STOP poking me. I could actually feel her bum protruding a bit through my belly because she was pushing back against the probe so hard. I was actually a little thrilled about this because it means we get another ultrasound at 24 weeks! The same thing happened with Rowan and we got the most beautiful picture of his face that week. He had a chance to chub out more in the womb from 20 to 24 weeks and the shot the tech got of his face was exactly what he looked like as a newborn. I'm so hoping this same thing happens again!

18 week bump

20 week bump

Yay! It's still a girl!

21 week bump ( I really like this outfit, okay?)

There she is! The ones at the ultrasound clinic were way better quality and you could see her so much better, but I'm certainly not complaining about another chance to see her. 

18 Months

Rowboat is a whole year and a half! He doesn't do anything halfway in his life though. This kid is just bursting with life and personality. 

What is Rowan like at 18-months?

We play basketball all day sometimes. I'm not even exaggerating here. 

7:00-7:20 Watch baby signing time sports episode where they teach you how to sign basketball, football, etc. 

7:30-8:15 Play basketball on our little hoop

8:15-8:30 Scream bloody murder because we are going to go eat breakfast instead of play basketball

9:00-10:15 Play basketball at the gym (after I finished working out) 

10:30-12:00 Play basketball at Mcdonalds

12:30-2:30 Dream of basketball while we nap

2:30-3:30 Play more basketball at home

3:30-4:30 Go grocery shopping, locate the balls in the store, and play basketball in the toy aisle. Refuse to let the ball go when we get back in the cart. 

5:00-6:30 - Dinner and other things?

6:30-7:00 Play basketball on our hoop

7:00-7:30 Play basketball in the bathtub 

BASKETBALL. 

He's pretty decent at it nowadays considering he puts in multiple hours a day practicing. I expect him to be master level by age 7. He'll probably be the youngest person ever to be drafted by the NBA. 

For such a healthy, energetic kid he is sick half of every month. It's the worst. I know it could be worse. He could have actual health problems, but I really am ready to just build a basketball court in our house so we never have to get exposed to all those germs that love Rowan. This last month he's thrown up for the first time in his life (I know how lucky to not have had to deal with this at all before now), a 24-hour fever/flu thing, and a never ending cold that has been successful in breaking Rowan's previous record for waking up at night. Let's hope there is a magical transition to health when you hit the year and a half mark...

Rowan can clearly say some words now. He says "hi, bye-bye, momma, dada, gun (thanks dad for having a locker full of nerf guns to teach his tiny self this one), cheese, no, uh-oh, wow, whoa, baaa (for ball) and our all-time favorite, chocolate". He is also fluent in some dilaect of Bulgarian. Rowan talks alllll the time. We have no clue what he is saying most of the time, but whatever is being said is perfectly constructed in sentences with proper punctuation. 

We are pro at tackling. In nursery yesterday, a kid took a toy Rowan was playing with and he tackled him so effectively and quickly the kid didn't even cry. I cringe at his aggressiveness while also being in awe at how well he can tackle. Football might just make it to number 2 on our list of favorite things. He is also a revenge seeker which we are trying to break. Last week he fell while going down the slide that belongs to the family I nanny for. He was mad so he came and pushed me. It was obviously my fault. I was sitting in the kitchen feeding the baby and very clearly pushed him...Oh brother. 

When we have to say sorry to another kid for pushing them or pulling Kylie's hair or taking their toy or doing some other typical toddler thing, Rowan will awkwardly lay his head on their shoulder. Instead of hugging with his arms he just uses his head. It's adorable. 

Row's favorite food is still chocolate. We've successfully eliminated it enough from his diet that he doesn't ask for it all the time like he used to. We go through phases of eating next to nothing to eating heartily and healthily. I've heard it's normal. Rowan will eat Chick-fil-A chicken tenders any day, anywhere, any time. We probably go way too much to that place. Rowan loves cuties and can pound three in one setting. It gives me a special sense of pride knowing he seems like he won't hate oranges the way I did growing up.

Music and dancing. This kid loves a good beat. It takes almost nothing to get him shakin his elbows. He'll just start dancing anywhere we here music. It's one of my favorite things about him. He only watches shows that have music. We've tried Daniel Tiger a few times, but he only makes it a few minutes because the music just isn't' there.

STAR WARS. My in-laws visited and bought Sel a belated birthday present of the entire collection of Star Wars plus my sister had bought Rowan a light saber for Christmas. Now we have a full-blown fanatic over here. He hums the Imperial March at least once a day. It's currently his theme song for life. I'm really happy we've fallen in love with this show instead of Teletubbies or Barney or some other show that makes me cringe. Oh, but we don't like Episodes 1-3. We only watch 4-6 because it has Darth Vadar. Can't say the kid lacks good taste.

Rowan does this little gasp when you ask him about something he likes. If you ask him whether he liked playing basketball in the pool with daddy this weekend his faces brightens and he lets out a big open-mouth gasp of excitement. It gets me every time.

Rowan is also so handsome! I'm his mom so I can brag, right? Row is like a miniature stud. (People say he looks just like his dad, so yeah- major stud alert people). He's always been cute, but his reigning characteristic is handsome. Something about him has always been so masculine even for a little baby or toddler. I again think Sel passed his inherit manliness to Rowan. Can we talk about how much they look alike again? I have yet to hear someone say, "Golly! No doubt who his mom is!". I know that could make some people sad, but as I explained it to someone the other day like this. The man I chose to marry, the man I thought was more attractive than any other man I've ever met, and the man I wanted to have babies with passed on his genes to our kid (soon to be kids). Am I disappointed Rowan looks like a replica of his dad? Heck freaking no. I want all of our kids to look like mini-Sels even the soon-to-be girl. I married Sel for more than his looks, but those were definitely a selling point sooo yeah, please compliment me by saying my kid looks exactly like the man I think is the handsomest in all the land.

On another note, I'm still nursing Rowan. Most people have been grossed out by this. I think it's weird they are, but everyone is different I suppose. I keep being on the fence about weaning. Somedays he''ll not nurse at all and I'll think "Hey! I guess that ship has sailed". Then he'll want to nurse seven times the next day. I do really want to wean him by the time Lyra makes her grand appearance because I see tandem nursing going very badly for us. I'm also super noncommittal so maybe he'll be that freaky kindergartner still nursing (jooooke guys. It's a joke). Some people have asked that incredulously when they find out. "Will he nurse until he's five?" Since 18 months is so incredibly old to be nursing? My MIL nursed all her kids until they were 2 and they all turned out just fine. Better than fine. They are all really successful, awesome, good-looking contributors to society who certainly don't have any "attachment issues" or "scarring memories".  This could be another post, but I'll not turn this one into a massive one about that. BUT the World Health Organization says this, " Review of evidence has shown that, on a population basis, exclusive breastfeeding for 6 months is the optimal way of feeding infants. Thereafter infants should receive complementary foods with continued breastfeeding up to 2 years of age or beyond. "

He doesn't completely understand he is getting a little sister, but I think he gets it a little. He loves to say hi to my belly and kiss it. He LOVES babies. Adores them. Can't think of anything else if they are in the room. He also has a new love for little girl clothes. It's so random, but he'll start throwing in little girl clothes to our cart whenever we go out. Only girl stuff. I've tested it out by handing him little boy clothes which he drops on the floor and beelines it for the pinks, yellows and purples. He knows more than I think he does. He's going to be an adorable big brother.

Row is just such a happy kid! He is so full of joy and light. He carries this special something about him. Whenever we are out, people will always pay him some sort of compliment if he smiles at them. I don't feel like I am bias in this. Is he cute? Oh yeah. Is he friendly and adorable? For sure. But I think the real thing that attracts people to Rowan is how he just exudes this pure excitement for living, for discovering, for being. I think that's what makes kids so special. They haven't lost that light and pure love. Rowan continues to be the sweetest little boy alive. He is so loving and tender. I can never put into words how much I love him. Happy Half Little Halfling!

Helping bake cookies

Rowan's favorite chore that I never ask him to do is clean the toilet. 

I must have said something pretty funny

My friend is letting us borrow her doppler and one of Row's favorite things is to listen to the baby in his tummy and the one in mine. 

One of the many days Row was sick in the past few months. He wanted to hold his baby doll all day. 

Watching Mother Goose Club and obviously loving it. 

Gah! Look at him! 

He really loved having Grandpa around.

Jedi in training 

Stealing my wallet to feed his basketball addiction at the arcade 

We didn't buy the 20 outfits he put in there, but he picked out some pretty cute stuff

He might have inherited Sel's looks, but he regrettably inherited my sweet tooth. He'll hate me for a lot of things one day and this is probably going to be on the list. 

Baby #2 (7-8 weeks?)

These days are going by soooo slow. Something I remember vividly from the first time around with Rowan. Why must Oct 30th be forever away? The pregnancy crazy has decided to make a reappearance, but luckily not as intense as the first time. Hopefully it keeps that way in the passing weeks.

1. Number of Weeks:  About 8 weeks? Still not sure about this. We will find out in TEN days! Come on and get here already. 

2. Due Date:  Somewhere between May 28th, 2016- June 3rd, 2016? Which going by how late Rowan was, most likely the middle of June. 

3. Gender : I still feel like I know on this one, but I probably don't. I honestly would be happy with either! A little buddy for Rowan or a little sis for him. I still am trying to convince Sel to let me find out as my Christmas present, but he wants to wait until it's Free.99 at the OB office in January. 

4. Baby Size: About the size of a raspberry. 

5. Weight Gain/Loss: Down 4 lbs. With Rowan's pregnancy I lost 13 lbs in the first trimester without really being sick. I just wasn't as interested in food which wasn't the worst thing that could have happened to my food-loving self. This time around, I find my nausea peaks when I am hungry. If I am able to get past the first few bites, I feel fine. I am sooo lucky in pregnancy. I know too many friends and family who get ragingly sick and I seriously don't know how they do it. I was a bit terrified of getting pregnant again while having to chase Rowan around, but I've been amazingly blessed.

6 Maternity Clothes: Still no. The attractive bloating from the past few weeks has diminished a bit. 

7. Energy/Sleep Still not overwhelming with this one. It's not an all day thing. It will hit randomly and then stop if I sit down for a little bit.  

8. Symptoms: They really come and go. The crazy has set in regarding my fluctuating symptoms. When I feel normal, I am convinced we've lost the baby. When the nausea, aches, and irritability return I feel better thinking everything is okay. I know that sounds nuts, but I've always been a little crazy. It makes sense that pregnancy sends me over that line I constantly tip-toe around. My emotions aren't nearly as intense and volatile as before. Instead of mood swings, I've been having temperature swings. I will get so, so hot I can hardly handle it. Five minutes later I will be throwing on layers upon layers of blankets, coats, sweaters to keep warm.

9. Exercise: I am very proud of myself for exercising everyday (minus Sunday) so far. The days I work leave me pretty worn down, but I've managed to force myself to walk on the treadmill or do my pregnancy video tape anyway. I also ran a mile at the gym today and felt relatively normal during it. Enough to, of course, convince me I was miscarrying. WHY AM I SO CRAZY? Why do people feel the need to tell pregnant women about miscarriages immediately upon hearing they are expecting? 

10. Thoughts for this Week I just can't wait for our ultrasound! I just want to see the little bean, see the heartbeat and have someone else confirm that this is actually happening. We've told a small handful of people and I can hardly wait to tell our families. We had this idea of waiting until we found out the gender to spill the beans, but I don't think I can wait that long. I've been having a bit of guilt about having another since it's been effecting my milk supply for Rowan. He will nurse for a little bit, then look up at me with those big blue eyes of his and plead for more milk. It hurts my heart a little bit to not be able to give it to him. He also hates juice and plain milk so weaning him to something else is going about as well as you could imagine for a child who hates anything but water or chocolate milk. 

Baby #2 (8-9 weeks)

We told our whole families this week. We were planning on waiting and doing it in some fun way, but failed. We are sort of lazy when it comes to that sort of thing.

1. Number of Weeks:  About 9 weeks? Still not sure about this. We will find out this week! I can hardly wait for Friday!!

2. Due Date:  Somewhere between May 28th, 2016- June 3rd, 2016? Which going by how late Rowan was, most likely the middle of June. 

3. Gender : I am almost 99% certain it is a boy. Mother's intuition? I was right about Rowan. I kept saying girl so I wouldn't be disappointed if it wasn't a boy. Also, let me say something about that. All babies are blessings and it doesn't matter the gender. I've learned plenty in raising a very sensitive, sweet, emotional boy that gender truly doesn't determine much of a personality. 

4. Baby Size: About the size of a grape

5. Weight Gain/Loss: Down 5 lbs. I am such a naive fool. I kept saying I feel so great! Hello week 9. I had forgotten when this thing gets real and it's now. Most food makes me want to gag. I will take a bite then dream about throwing up. My body is so amazingly good at not throwing up though even when it would help. I've even tried to make myself hurl a few times when it was really bad and no luck. If you ever want to poison me, rest assured I will inevitably die because I won't be able to empty my stomach of the poison. I am still exercising regularly, nursing and growing a human so I think my body is in overdrive for calorie burning. I would be pleased if I didn't feel like throwing up. Alllso smells. Today Sel had chicken for breakfast and I had to leave the house for three hours because I couldn't stand it.

6 Maternity Clothes: Still no. My clothes are fitting so weird. Some that were tight a few weeks ago keep falling off of me. I think my waist is slimming out while my booty is greedily taking any food I can eat. 

7. Energy/Sleep Things have started to hit the fan this week. It's still not a constant feeling of exhaustion. It will just hit me for a little bit. I am able to take a nap on my days off and that has helped SO much!

8. Symptoms: I really am so thankful for my constant feeling of nausea lately. It makes me feel like my baby really is growing healthily if my body is changing so much each passing day. Since I can't throw up, my body has been dealing with that in a different passageway. I won't go on because absolutely no one wants to know anything else about that, especially me.

9. Exercise: My goal has been to run a mile everyday that I am off. I've had to start doing a more "interval" mile. I will run 1/4 then walk 1/4 then run the rest. I usually go about 2.5 miles total in my 30 minutes on the treadmill. Doubt anyone cares about the specifics, but just know I am really trying to keep up with exercise and it's mostly working.

10. Cravings/Aversions Apples. I could eat a bushel a day. Bagels. There was an incident this week where I cried over a bagel Sel bought me because I was so, so grateful for him and it. I then walked over to Panera and got another bagel five minutes later. I wish I could only eat bagels and not feel bad about it.
Pizza is awful, but I mostly already knew that. I've entered a phase I remember too well from the last time where I will make food or be mid-process of making food, then decide it's the most disgusting thing in the universe. It's made for a lot of wasted meals at our house. We also have been eating out way too often because of this. I'm the worst.

11. Thoughts for this Week I cannot what for FRIDAY! I have had a few mood swings and done better at keeping myself in check. Sel is a patient man with my grumpiness. There is so much going on this week to distract me from my mounting desire for it to just be freaking Friday already. 

Baby #2 9 Weeks

We saw our baby! And he's adorable! It was so wonderful to see his little heart beating happily along inside of me.
1. Number of Weeks:  9 Weeks officially. I was so relieved and happy to see our healthy baby, but also disappointed that I lost 9 days of what I thought were hard-earned first trimester days. Every day seems to massively count these first few months and I was admittedly disappointed to be bumped back. However, I am pretty sure this happened with Rowan too. They based it off of my LMP instead of my ultrasound which made Rowan seem extra late when he was probably just a week late. 

2. Due Date:  June 7th, 2016. 

3. Gender : I am now 100% certain it is a boy. I would be absolutely floored if they tell us girl in a few weeks. I just feel boy. This pregnancy is about the same as Rowan's. Also, I looked up the Ramzi method after our ultrasound and this little guy is for sure nestled on the right side. My correct inclinations will be proven right the week of Christmas. Yay! Can you believe Christmas is only 8 weeks away? 

4. Baby Size: About the size of a grape

5. Weight Gain/Loss: Still down  a few lbs. Nothing significant.  I am still feeling relatively fine. I will feel sick or have an aversion to something and still manage to eat it. The other day I proudly chowed through a salad that seemed repulsive. Then I also ate a handful of chocolate that seemed disgusting…so not much to be proud of for "overcoming" my pregnancy sickness.

6 Maternity Clothes: I pulled on some glorious maternity capri's today because it has been unnaturally warm for November in Ohio. They were comfy to the max albeit big. 

7. Energy/Sleep I took a nap today and it was amazing. I crave them on the days I work, but am luckily getting through just fine. 

8. Symptoms: They change day to day. Today I've been feeling really my pelvis is trying to expand at an unnaturally quick pace. Sounds cute doesn't it? I also have a super power nose that is ruining my life. Poopy diapers get me the closest I have so far to throwing up.

9. Exercise: Still doing pretty good here. Rowan was sick today so I didn't take him to the gym. I vowed to run while he was napping, but I napped instead. Oh well.
I am also sadly still having trouble with my Achilles which is the worst. It's the longest injury I've had to deal with and I don't see it getting better during pregnancy.

10. Cravings/Aversions Refried beans. Except every time I open the can I want to vomit. It smells like cat food. Once it is warmed up though, that baby and I sing hallelujah to those beautiful Latin's who brought culinary joy to America.
Also, water. A never ending supply of dihydrogen monoxide please. I forgot that my office went through an extra three gallons of water (for real though) when I was pregnant. It makes me have to pee every millisecond, but I don't even care because it is alllll I want.
Fruit. I want ALL of the fruit. All of it.
I thought I wanted chocolate cake the other day and it was a huge mistake. I took one bite of that expensive layered raspberry drizzled dessert and hated it. I really ought to be celebrating my aversion to "unhealthy" foods, but my brain has yet to catch up with my stomach.


11. Thoughts for this Week It still doesn't feel real. Is that weird? I saw there is for sure a baby in there and yet I still feel a bit in shock. Maybe when the belly starts to show up again it will feel real? I remember thinking once we knew Row's gender it would feel real, but I feel so certain on this new little guy that I don't think finding out I am right would make it all of a sudden real. I have a feeling the next two months are going to fly by with all the holidays. Let's hope Sel being away for six straight weeks will not change the quick succession of these upcoming weeks.

 Our new little guy.

Also, I threw a Harry Potter party for Halloween and discovered I am famous on Pinterest and no one even told me. I made those beautiful chocolate frogs junior year at BYU and it was pinned all over the place for HP related things. Of all the places to be famous, Pinterest was the absolute last place I would have expected. Hollywood's Hottest Actresses, Nobel Peace Prize Winners, Best Selling Author perhaps, but not a page dedicated to perfect crafting, cooking, and whatever else. 

Baby #2 Week 10

Double digits baby!

1. Number of Weeks:  10 weeks

2. Due Date:  June 7th, 2016. 

3. Gender : Still pretty certain it is a boy 

4. Baby Size: About the size of a kumquat 

5. Weight Gain/Loss: Down another 2 lbs. I looked up my previous posts about Rowan and I lost 8-10 lbs the first trimester. I am thinking I won't lose quite that much this time around, but it makes sense it is following a similar pattern to the first time.

6 Maternity Clothes: My body is so weirdly shaped right now. My pants are getting looser? Pregnancy is weird. 

7. Energy/Sleep Much less of this lately. Sad face. 

8. Symptoms: Nausea has been an all time high this week. Booo.
Bad round ligament pain especially on the right side. It was so awful the other night I thought I might be miscarrying.

9. Exercise: Still happening, but I haven't been able to run as fast or as long. I definitely notice my heart rate getting high quickly.

10. Cravings/Aversions Cuties! I accidentally ate an entire bag in 48 hours and then had a panic attack at the idea of not having more in the house. Halfway through my second.
Grapes.
Limes
Any fruit really with a high water content.


11. Thoughts for this Week This week felt like it went faster! Hopefully that becomes a trend! I'm writing this while watching Jane the Virgin and  a little distracted. Sorry for the boring post!