Baby #2 (7-8 weeks?)

These days are going by soooo slow. Something I remember vividly from the first time around with Rowan. Why must Oct 30th be forever away? The pregnancy crazy has decided to make a reappearance, but luckily not as intense as the first time. Hopefully it keeps that way in the passing weeks.

1. Number of Weeks:  About 8 weeks? Still not sure about this. We will find out in TEN days! Come on and get here already. 

2. Due Date:  Somewhere between May 28th, 2016- June 3rd, 2016? Which going by how late Rowan was, most likely the middle of June. 

3. Gender : I still feel like I know on this one, but I probably don't. I honestly would be happy with either! A little buddy for Rowan or a little sis for him. I still am trying to convince Sel to let me find out as my Christmas present, but he wants to wait until it's Free.99 at the OB office in January. 

4. Baby Size: About the size of a raspberry. 

5. Weight Gain/Loss: Down 4 lbs. With Rowan's pregnancy I lost 13 lbs in the first trimester without really being sick. I just wasn't as interested in food which wasn't the worst thing that could have happened to my food-loving self. This time around, I find my nausea peaks when I am hungry. If I am able to get past the first few bites, I feel fine. I am sooo lucky in pregnancy. I know too many friends and family who get ragingly sick and I seriously don't know how they do it. I was a bit terrified of getting pregnant again while having to chase Rowan around, but I've been amazingly blessed.

6 Maternity Clothes: Still no. The attractive bloating from the past few weeks has diminished a bit. 

7. Energy/Sleep Still not overwhelming with this one. It's not an all day thing. It will hit randomly and then stop if I sit down for a little bit.  

8. Symptoms: They really come and go. The crazy has set in regarding my fluctuating symptoms. When I feel normal, I am convinced we've lost the baby. When the nausea, aches, and irritability return I feel better thinking everything is okay. I know that sounds nuts, but I've always been a little crazy. It makes sense that pregnancy sends me over that line I constantly tip-toe around. My emotions aren't nearly as intense and volatile as before. Instead of mood swings, I've been having temperature swings. I will get so, so hot I can hardly handle it. Five minutes later I will be throwing on layers upon layers of blankets, coats, sweaters to keep warm.

9. Exercise: I am very proud of myself for exercising everyday (minus Sunday) so far. The days I work leave me pretty worn down, but I've managed to force myself to walk on the treadmill or do my pregnancy video tape anyway. I also ran a mile at the gym today and felt relatively normal during it. Enough to, of course, convince me I was miscarrying. WHY AM I SO CRAZY? Why do people feel the need to tell pregnant women about miscarriages immediately upon hearing they are expecting? 

10. Thoughts for this Week I just can't wait for our ultrasound! I just want to see the little bean, see the heartbeat and have someone else confirm that this is actually happening. We've told a small handful of people and I can hardly wait to tell our families. We had this idea of waiting until we found out the gender to spill the beans, but I don't think I can wait that long. I've been having a bit of guilt about having another since it's been effecting my milk supply for Rowan. He will nurse for a little bit, then look up at me with those big blue eyes of his and plead for more milk. It hurts my heart a little bit to not be able to give it to him. He also hates juice and plain milk so weaning him to something else is going about as well as you could imagine for a child who hates anything but water or chocolate milk. 

Baby #2 (8-9 weeks)

We told our whole families this week. We were planning on waiting and doing it in some fun way, but failed. We are sort of lazy when it comes to that sort of thing.

1. Number of Weeks:  About 9 weeks? Still not sure about this. We will find out this week! I can hardly wait for Friday!!

2. Due Date:  Somewhere between May 28th, 2016- June 3rd, 2016? Which going by how late Rowan was, most likely the middle of June. 

3. Gender : I am almost 99% certain it is a boy. Mother's intuition? I was right about Rowan. I kept saying girl so I wouldn't be disappointed if it wasn't a boy. Also, let me say something about that. All babies are blessings and it doesn't matter the gender. I've learned plenty in raising a very sensitive, sweet, emotional boy that gender truly doesn't determine much of a personality. 

4. Baby Size: About the size of a grape

5. Weight Gain/Loss: Down 5 lbs. I am such a naive fool. I kept saying I feel so great! Hello week 9. I had forgotten when this thing gets real and it's now. Most food makes me want to gag. I will take a bite then dream about throwing up. My body is so amazingly good at not throwing up though even when it would help. I've even tried to make myself hurl a few times when it was really bad and no luck. If you ever want to poison me, rest assured I will inevitably die because I won't be able to empty my stomach of the poison. I am still exercising regularly, nursing and growing a human so I think my body is in overdrive for calorie burning. I would be pleased if I didn't feel like throwing up. Alllso smells. Today Sel had chicken for breakfast and I had to leave the house for three hours because I couldn't stand it.

6 Maternity Clothes: Still no. My clothes are fitting so weird. Some that were tight a few weeks ago keep falling off of me. I think my waist is slimming out while my booty is greedily taking any food I can eat. 

7. Energy/Sleep Things have started to hit the fan this week. It's still not a constant feeling of exhaustion. It will just hit me for a little bit. I am able to take a nap on my days off and that has helped SO much!

8. Symptoms: I really am so thankful for my constant feeling of nausea lately. It makes me feel like my baby really is growing healthily if my body is changing so much each passing day. Since I can't throw up, my body has been dealing with that in a different passageway. I won't go on because absolutely no one wants to know anything else about that, especially me.

9. Exercise: My goal has been to run a mile everyday that I am off. I've had to start doing a more "interval" mile. I will run 1/4 then walk 1/4 then run the rest. I usually go about 2.5 miles total in my 30 minutes on the treadmill. Doubt anyone cares about the specifics, but just know I am really trying to keep up with exercise and it's mostly working.

10. Cravings/Aversions Apples. I could eat a bushel a day. Bagels. There was an incident this week where I cried over a bagel Sel bought me because I was so, so grateful for him and it. I then walked over to Panera and got another bagel five minutes later. I wish I could only eat bagels and not feel bad about it.
Pizza is awful, but I mostly already knew that. I've entered a phase I remember too well from the last time where I will make food or be mid-process of making food, then decide it's the most disgusting thing in the universe. It's made for a lot of wasted meals at our house. We also have been eating out way too often because of this. I'm the worst.

11. Thoughts for this Week I cannot what for FRIDAY! I have had a few mood swings and done better at keeping myself in check. Sel is a patient man with my grumpiness. There is so much going on this week to distract me from my mounting desire for it to just be freaking Friday already. 

Baby #2 9 Weeks

We saw our baby! And he's adorable! It was so wonderful to see his little heart beating happily along inside of me.
1. Number of Weeks:  9 Weeks officially. I was so relieved and happy to see our healthy baby, but also disappointed that I lost 9 days of what I thought were hard-earned first trimester days. Every day seems to massively count these first few months and I was admittedly disappointed to be bumped back. However, I am pretty sure this happened with Rowan too. They based it off of my LMP instead of my ultrasound which made Rowan seem extra late when he was probably just a week late. 

2. Due Date:  June 7th, 2016. 

3. Gender : I am now 100% certain it is a boy. I would be absolutely floored if they tell us girl in a few weeks. I just feel boy. This pregnancy is about the same as Rowan's. Also, I looked up the Ramzi method after our ultrasound and this little guy is for sure nestled on the right side. My correct inclinations will be proven right the week of Christmas. Yay! Can you believe Christmas is only 8 weeks away? 

4. Baby Size: About the size of a grape

5. Weight Gain/Loss: Still down  a few lbs. Nothing significant.  I am still feeling relatively fine. I will feel sick or have an aversion to something and still manage to eat it. The other day I proudly chowed through a salad that seemed repulsive. Then I also ate a handful of chocolate that seemed disgusting…so not much to be proud of for "overcoming" my pregnancy sickness.

6 Maternity Clothes: I pulled on some glorious maternity capri's today because it has been unnaturally warm for November in Ohio. They were comfy to the max albeit big. 

7. Energy/Sleep I took a nap today and it was amazing. I crave them on the days I work, but am luckily getting through just fine. 

8. Symptoms: They change day to day. Today I've been feeling really my pelvis is trying to expand at an unnaturally quick pace. Sounds cute doesn't it? I also have a super power nose that is ruining my life. Poopy diapers get me the closest I have so far to throwing up.

9. Exercise: Still doing pretty good here. Rowan was sick today so I didn't take him to the gym. I vowed to run while he was napping, but I napped instead. Oh well.
I am also sadly still having trouble with my Achilles which is the worst. It's the longest injury I've had to deal with and I don't see it getting better during pregnancy.

10. Cravings/Aversions Refried beans. Except every time I open the can I want to vomit. It smells like cat food. Once it is warmed up though, that baby and I sing hallelujah to those beautiful Latin's who brought culinary joy to America.
Also, water. A never ending supply of dihydrogen monoxide please. I forgot that my office went through an extra three gallons of water (for real though) when I was pregnant. It makes me have to pee every millisecond, but I don't even care because it is alllll I want.
Fruit. I want ALL of the fruit. All of it.
I thought I wanted chocolate cake the other day and it was a huge mistake. I took one bite of that expensive layered raspberry drizzled dessert and hated it. I really ought to be celebrating my aversion to "unhealthy" foods, but my brain has yet to catch up with my stomach.


11. Thoughts for this Week It still doesn't feel real. Is that weird? I saw there is for sure a baby in there and yet I still feel a bit in shock. Maybe when the belly starts to show up again it will feel real? I remember thinking once we knew Row's gender it would feel real, but I feel so certain on this new little guy that I don't think finding out I am right would make it all of a sudden real. I have a feeling the next two months are going to fly by with all the holidays. Let's hope Sel being away for six straight weeks will not change the quick succession of these upcoming weeks.

 Our new little guy.

Also, I threw a Harry Potter party for Halloween and discovered I am famous on Pinterest and no one even told me. I made those beautiful chocolate frogs junior year at BYU and it was pinned all over the place for HP related things. Of all the places to be famous, Pinterest was the absolute last place I would have expected. Hollywood's Hottest Actresses, Nobel Peace Prize Winners, Best Selling Author perhaps, but not a page dedicated to perfect crafting, cooking, and whatever else. 

Baby #2 Week 10

Double digits baby!

1. Number of Weeks:  10 weeks

2. Due Date:  June 7th, 2016. 

3. Gender : Still pretty certain it is a boy 

4. Baby Size: About the size of a kumquat 

5. Weight Gain/Loss: Down another 2 lbs. I looked up my previous posts about Rowan and I lost 8-10 lbs the first trimester. I am thinking I won't lose quite that much this time around, but it makes sense it is following a similar pattern to the first time.

6 Maternity Clothes: My body is so weirdly shaped right now. My pants are getting looser? Pregnancy is weird. 

7. Energy/Sleep Much less of this lately. Sad face. 

8. Symptoms: Nausea has been an all time high this week. Booo.
Bad round ligament pain especially on the right side. It was so awful the other night I thought I might be miscarrying.

9. Exercise: Still happening, but I haven't been able to run as fast or as long. I definitely notice my heart rate getting high quickly.

10. Cravings/Aversions Cuties! I accidentally ate an entire bag in 48 hours and then had a panic attack at the idea of not having more in the house. Halfway through my second.
Grapes.
Limes
Any fruit really with a high water content.


11. Thoughts for this Week This week felt like it went faster! Hopefully that becomes a trend! I'm writing this while watching Jane the Virgin and  a little distracted. Sorry for the boring post!

Baby #2 Week 11-14

Whoops! The first trimester stretches ooooonnnnn and then BAM! Here we are at 14 weeks.

1. Number of Weeks:  14 weeks and some change

2. Due Date:  June 6th, 2016. (Guys, how cool would it be to have a birthday of 6/6/16)

3. Gender : I had my first moment wondering if it might be a girl? We'll see December 21st! 

4. Baby Size: About the size of a peach

5. Weight Gain/Loss: 1+ (down a total of 6lbs) I am sure it will only be an upward pattern from here on out. I am seriously lucky to lose weight during the first trimester without the cost of barfing non-stop. Hopefully this will always be the pattern.

6 Maternity Clothes: Heck yes! My maternity jeans only stay on for an hour (enough for me to foolishly walk out the door with them on), but I mostly don't care because they are sooo comfortable. I read a lot of preggo blogs and there is this weird trend to brag about not having to wear maternity clothes to X number of weeks in their third trimester. WHY? Why fight the comfy? 

7. Energy/Sleep I finally feel like a normal person again!! I keep forgetting I am even pregnant until I feel my rock hard abs. Okay, only my lower abs (slash my uterus) are rock hard. It's been amazing to feel like this again!

8. Symptoms: Nausea has reappeared strong in week 13. Lame. Right as I am throwing a bon voyage party to my first trimester sickness, it comes back. Luckily it hasn't come back this week. Fingers crossed it minds the restraining order I put out against it.

9. Exercise: Still happening, but running has been tabled until later notice. I was getting awful round ligament pain, hip pain, back pain, blah blah blah for two days after a run which made it not even close to worth it. Walking, swimming, dance are all the hype now.

10. Cravings/Aversions Not much of anything lately. I feel like Balboa in Pirates of the Caribbean where he talks about all food turning to ash in his mouth. I will get all hyped up to eat something and it just lets me down. I ordered some fried rice this week because it has been all I can think about and I hated it. I think I really want Benihana's, but I don't want to risk the $$ to end up hating it like everything else I try to eat.


11. Thoughts for this Week I wish I had documented better the last few weeks. My brain has totally checked out. I can barely talk because I can't remember the right words and then I will switch the correct order of words. Today, for example, I told someone it was like a passage of rite to do something. I could tell I didn't say something correctly, but couldn't remember what I'd said. Is pregnancy Alzheimer's a thing?
I've started to have awful dreams again. I had them all the time with Rowan and would wake up sobbing in the middle of the night. Sel would wake me up enough to remind me it wasn't real and help me go back to sleep. Sadly, Sel has been doing an away rotation in Columbus for the past few weeks and has been absent during my nightmares. Why does pregnancy mess with your brain so much?
Also, I am showing a crazy amount already. I definitely didn't show until about 20 weeks with Rowan so this has been different. Please don't let this mean the bump will be double the size this time around.

Baby #2 (6-7 weeks?)

I'm not going to post this for awhile, but WE'RE PREGNANT!!!! 

Yay! I am not really sure how far along I am at this point. My first period in the last two years (and my last for the next year! Huzzah!) was August 26th. Once I was late, I took four pregnancy tests over four days and they were all negative. After 12 days of no Miss Flow, I assumed my period was going to be AWOL while I adjusted to a normal cycle again. Since I had dismissed being pregnant early, I didn't consider it a possibility after those first few days. It would appear this time around everyone knew I was pregnant before I did. 

Sunday Oct 4th: Someone at church congratulates me on my pregnancy. I try not to angrily inform them we are not expecting, thanks. A woman at the grocery store the day before had done the same thing. I then vent to Sel after church about how I apparently I look pregnant enough to openly comment on it even though I am actually just chubby.

Monday Oct 5th:  I decided to get in the bath with Rowan since I was covered in the dinner he opted not to eat. As I was getting undressed, Row pointed to me and signed baby. I scanned the bathroom for anything that would inspire him to sign baby. He normally doesn't sign anything without a reason, but I figured maybe he was thinking about our neighbor's new baby we had seen the day before. When I told Sel about it, he commented how crazy it would be if I was pregnant and Rowan somehow knew before we did. I told him we very much were not pregnant thanks to my four negative pregnancy tests. That night I got the following Fbook message from a friend I haven't talked to in years. 

"Lauren! I know it's been forever but I had a dream last night and you were in it. Long story short we were both pregnant and had the same baby doctor and we had to go through all these obstacles in order to get yo our appointments. It was weird but it reminded me you still exist and I though I would tell you this weird story and say that you are awesome and that I may or may not stalk you on Insta and be in love with your little boy. Let's just say he is adorable" 

Obviously, she's the best and I really ought to have been talking to her more over the past few years. The oddity of all references to me being pregnant inspired me to take a test the next morning just to prove to everyone we were for sure not pregnant. 

Tuesday Oct 6th: As I am taking the pregnancy test, I say out loud "Rowan is crazy". I then start to see that second line appear and stare dumbfounded at proof my child is clairvoyant. Rowan was babbling excitedly in his crib and I couldn't move. I quickly took two other tests only to see that strong second line pop up again. I ran into Row's room, spun him around (while he pushed furiously against my chest in an attempt to rescue the binkies he threw out of his crib) and asked him how he knew Mommy had a baby in her belly. 

When I found out we were expecting Row, I told Sel right away. He was showering upstairs and I snuck in to put the test on the counter for him. Before I could smoothly exit, he had popped his head around the curtain to ask if it was positive or not (he knew I was taking the test since I was late). I felt gypped of what surely would have been an emotionally exciting moment. Not this time around! I had inherited a shirt from a friend that says "Big Brothers Rule" and planned to adorn Row in it whenever the time came. After Sel got off work, I told him to meet us at the park. I put Row in the shirt , addressed an envelope to Sel from his second child with the pregnancy test inside (my, ahem, fifth of the day) and excitedly waited for his ecstatic reaction. He didn't notice Row's shirt at all. He never does and I obviously should have taken that into account. After awhile passed without comment, I handed him the envelope. "No way!" and a big smile was still better than a shampooed head casually asking whether our whole lives were about to change or not. 

Once I found out we were expecting, so many things made sense. Rowan has been demanding to nurse allll day and night. I obviously am having a reduction in my milk supply and it has made Row unbearably upset. Last night he woke up FIVE times and I thought I was going to die. The worst is that  I get my most nauseous when he nurses in the middle of the night and some bad cramping. 

I also had weirdly almost thrown up Pumpkin Pie ice-cream from DQ a few weeks ago. Sel was convinced it was food poisoning even though I almost threw up only a few minutes after eating it. I also had gone to bed a week earlier with a horrible migraine, something I never really deal with. 

It's squished in this picture obviously, but that's the shirt. 

I went ahead and assigned a late due date to keep my mind a little more sane this time around. 

1. Number of Weeks:  About 7 weeks? Still not sure about this. I guess we will find out at our appointment Oct 30th. 

2. Due Date:  Somewhere between May 28th, 2016- June 3rd, 2016? Which going by how late Rowan was, most likely the middle of June. 

3. Gender : I have a pretty solid feeling on this one, but I guess we won't know until December. Which is kind of when I want to tell people. This time around, I want to wait a long time before we tell. Telling parents at 7 weeks made the pregnancy seem soooooo long last time. 

4. Baby Size: About the size of a blueberry. 

5. Weight Gain/Loss: Down 3 lbs. Not for lack of appetite though. I've been treated pretty wonderfully so far. Small bouts of nausea mostly during the afternoon, but nothing bad. I mostly just want FOOD. Not chocolate or sweets or snacks even. I want warm, big meals. 

6 Maternity Clothes: Not yet. Fall is the season of leggings so I will probably wear those every single day for the first trimester and beyond. My body is so nice to me the first trimester or at least it has been so far. 

7. Energy/Sleep I remember being so exhausted with Rowan, but not so far with this bambino! I will randomly get hit during the day with a desperate need to nap, but it will luckily only last a few minutes. I am not sleeping much thanks to my oldest (crazy that I will actually be able to use that word from now on!). I honestly feel relatively normal most days. 

8. Symptoms: I know I actually haven't been able to feel movements, but sometimes I will feel a little flutter that I assume is just stretching and growing to accommodate the blueberry. Some back and hip pain (already. boooo). 

9. Exercise: I also should have noted something last week when I was SO winded from a simple mile run. I've been able to exercise about 30-45 minutes/day so far, but I am much slower than usual and get tired much faster. I'm doing a Fitbit competition this week and am hoping it will keep me on the straight and narrow for exercising throughout this pregnancy. 

10. Thoughts for this Week I was petrified of losing Rowan. I had crippling fear that plagued me in nightmares and constant worry during the day. This time around feels different. I do trust that if we lost the baby, it would be according to Heavenly Father's plan. However, I honestly have a feeling that I want to trust and believe in. I feel like we will most assuredly be keeping and welcoming this little one to our home in June! I am elated and a little bit scared about the changes ahead for us even though this is exactly what I wanted. I am unbelievably grateful for the opportunity to have conceived again with such ease. I feel blessed to have Rowan to keep me distracted from my own thoughts and to generally make my heart burst with love and adoration for. I also CANNOT wait for Oct. 30th. Come on and get here!

It's a GIRL!

So surprise! I'm pregnant! WITH A FEMALE! 

I am still in shock over here about it all. I've been pretty convinced it was a boy with the small exception of two dreams it was a girl. I am slightly terrified. I know personality of the child determines more of who they actually are than gender, buuuut I'm still scared. I was such a miserable pre-teen/teenager. Whenever my parents said, "I hope you have a kid JUST like you someday" I vowed to have a boatload of boys who obviously couldn't be JUST like me. Now that wish from the past might make an appearance in this sweet little girl. 

I was mostly sweet when I was little, but then puberty hit and I became a hot mess of door-slamming, sibling-slapping, and parent-hating. Please take back your wishes parents so that this little one can be sweet all the way through those pre-teen years. 

Sel is really excited! Which I find undeniably adorable. He wanted it to be a she and obviously made the correct chromosome happen. Good work dad! It was a big contrast this time to last time which could likely be attributed to multiple factors. When I found out Rowan was a boy, I couldn't even handle how happy I was. I burst into tears of delight and floated around in happy baby boy land for the next 24 weeks. This time around, Sel couldn't come (BIG sad face there), but luckily my amazingly sweet sister came up. I was also sick and Rowan was miserable too after his nap. He cried all the way up until he heard baby sister's heartbeat and saw her bouncing off those uterine walls. This girl is a MOVER! Rowan rolled a bit and stretched plenty during his, but she was having her own little dance party in there. I've been able to feel her move for a while now, so I was zero percent surprised to see it confirmed that she just can't contain how happy she is to dance like her big bro. She was very modest in hiding her girl parts at first, but once the tech tagged her as a she, she went ahead and proved the tech was right on point. I cannot wait to see what she looks like and what kind of fun personality she is going to have! Blonde and blue-eyed like Rowan or dark and green-eyed like me? Or a crazy combo of those both?  Making babies is the best ;) She already looks a little different than Rowan. Their noses are slightly different and her head shape is for sure different. You might be thinking I can't actually tell, but believe me, I studied Rowan's ultrasound pic EVERY SINGLE DAY for 6 months. I know it by heart .I can't stop looking at this little beauty either and know I will obsess over it just like I did with him. 

She was also being oh so girly and putting her hands under her chin as if she was posing for a picture. Rowan spent his first gender debut grabbing his boy parts with one and throwing the other hand in the air like he just don't care. 

Posing for her face shot 

Speaking of Row, he called her from the beginning. I've been getting him to slap one hand or the other indicating left is baby sister or right is baby brother and vice-versa. Even when mixing what hand I am putting forward first or switching which one is which, Rowan has consistently picked baby sister. He also picked out a baby doll the other day at the store from a bin of baby boy dolls and picked the only baby girl doll. He LOVES his baby doll and carries her around while hugging her. He's going to be an adorable big brother.

I am going to post the little entries I've been saving during this pregnancy (for all those avid blog readers of mine), but for those who don't want to read a novel, here is the first post about our little lady. 

I'm not going to post this for awhile, but WE'RE PREGNANT!!!! 

Long little legs! 

Yay! I am not really sure how far along I am at this point. My first period in the last two years (and my last for the next year! Huzzah!) was August 26th. Once I was late, I took four pregnancy tests over four days and they were all negative. After 12 days of no Miss Flow, I assumed my period was going to be AWOL while I adjusted to a normal cycle again. Since I had dismissed being pregnant early, I didn't consider it a possibility after those first few days. It would appear this time around everyone knew I was pregnant before I did. 

Sunday Oct 4th: Someone at church congratulates me on my pregnancy. I try not to angrily inform them we are not expecting, thanks. A woman at the grocery store the day before had done the same thing. I then vent to Sel after church about how I apparently I look pregnant enough to openly comment on it even though I am actually just chubby.

Monday Oct 5th:  I decided to get in the bath with Rowan since I was covered in the dinner he opted not to eat. As I was getting undressed, Row pointed to me and signed baby. I scanned the bathroom for anything that would inspire him to sign baby. He normally doesn't sign anything without a reason, but I figured maybe he was thinking about our neighbor's new baby we had seen the day before. When I told Sel about it, he commented how crazy it would be if I was pregnant and Rowan somehow knew before we did. I told him we very much were not pregnant thanks to my four negative pregnancy tests. That night I got the following Fbook message from a friend I haven't talked to in years. 

"Lauren! I know it's been forever but I had a dream last night and you were in it. Long story short we were both pregnant and had the same baby doctor and we had to go through all these obstacles in order to get yo our appointments. It was weird but it reminded me you still exist and I though I would tell you this weird story and say that you are awesome and that I may or may not stalk you on Insta and be in love with your little boy. Let's just say he is adorable" 

Obviously, she's the best and I really ought to have been talking to her more over the past few years. The oddity of all references to me being pregnant inspired me to take a test the next morning just to prove to everyone we were for sure not pregnant. 

Tuesday Oct 6th: As I am taking the pregnancy test, I say out loud "Rowan is crazy". I then start to see that second line appear and stare dumbfounded at proof my child is clairvoyant. Rowan was babbling excitedly in his crib and I couldn't move. I quickly took two other tests only to see that strong second line pop up again. I ran into Row's room, spun him around (while he pushed furiously against my chest in an attempt to rescue the binkies he threw out of his crib) and asked him how he knew Mommy had a baby in her belly. 

When I found out we were expecting Row, I told Sel right away. He was showering upstairs and I snuck in to put the test on the counter for him. Before I could smoothly exit, he had popped his head around the curtain to ask if it was positive or not (he knew I was taking the test since I was late). I felt gypped of what surely would have been an emotionally exciting moment. Not this time around, right? I had inherited a shirt from a friend that says "Big Brothers Rule" and planned to adorn Row in it whenever the time came. After Sel got off work, I told him to meet us at the park. I put Row in the shirt , addressed an envelope to Sel from his second child with the pregnancy test inside (my, ahem, fifth of the day) and excitedly waited for his ecstatic reaction. He didn't notice Row's shirt at all. He never does and I obviously should have taken that into account. After awhile passed without comment, I handed him the envelope. "No way!" and a big smile was still better than a shampooed head casually asking whether our whole lives were about to change or not. 

Once I found out we were expecting, so many things made sense. Rowan has been demanding to nurse allll day and night. I obviously am having a reduction in my milk supply and it has made Row unbearably upset. Last night he woke up FIVE times and I thought I was going to die. The worst is that  I get my most nauseous when he nurses in the middle of the night and some bad cramping. 

I also had weirdly almost thrown up Pumpkin Pie ice-cream from DQ a few weeks ago. Sel was convinced it was food poisoning even though I almost threw up only a few minutes after eating it. I also had gone to bed a week earlier with a horrible migraine, something I never really deal with.

I was petrified of losing Rowan. I had crippling fear that plagued me in nightmares and constant worry during the day. This time around feels different. I do trust that if we lost the baby, it would be according to Heavenly Father's plan. However, I honestly have a feeling that I want to trust and believe in. I feel like we will most assuredly be keeping and welcoming this little one to our home in June! I am elated and a little bit scared about the changes ahead for us even though this is exactly what I wanted. I am unbelievably grateful for the opportunity to have conceived again with such ease. I feel blessed to have Rowan to keep me distracted from my own thoughts and to generally make my heart burst with love and adoration for. I also CANNOT wait for Oct. 30th. Come on and get here!

It's squished in this picture obviously, but that's the shirt. 

I went ahead and assigned a late due date to keep my mind a little more sane this time around.