Dreams&Yogurtland

I rank about second to last on the list of people you should ask about sports. I spent most of my childhood hiding in my classroom to avoid the embarrassment that generally ensued when I touched anything round. Though I am not a huge sports follower, I would have to be living in the peruvian jungle with these fuzzy friends (Yes, that is in fact a GIANT spider eating a chicken. This has become a recent obsession) to not have been hit with a bit of Jimmermania.

Even my die hard U of U fan family has acknowledged the supreme abilities of Jimmer Fredette. I even saw a Jimmer collage tucked under my cousin Matt's bed the other day. Seriously. You should ask him about it :)

(This is Jimmer's #1 fan and I right before we got Hurt in the Dirt. Yeah Team Milk! Here we come 2011)

Anyway, during a glorious nap on Wednesday, I had a dream that went a bit like this

I walk into the Marriott Center and Jimmer sidles up to me

. We converse for a bit about how he gets more famous by the second and he expresses his desire for me to become more famous so we can continue being the great friends that we are. He then challenges me to try and shoot a basket or two with him. I humor him and throw the lamest shot known to mankind and then... my pants fall down. Jimmer expresses his concern at seeing my bare behind that I need to get into shape for my wedding. He offers to hook me up with his trainer to get my rear in gear and then asks me for advice on how to

ask his girlfriend to marry him.

(This is Jimmer throwing me the ball right after my pants dropped to the floor)

I woke up with four dominating thoughts.

1. Jimmer and I are friends!

2. I really wish I would stop eating so much sugar so Jimmer wouldn't think my butt is too big

3. Jimmer is such a nice guy for offering to help me get in shape so Sel doesn't think my butt is too big

4. Why don't I take naps every single day?

You might think this would be the whole point of this entry, but PSYCH (excellent show) it gets SO much better.

Sel and I went to Yogurtland a couple hours after my nap and I commenced telling him about my dream. Right after I say in my usual King decibel voice, "So Jimmer is looking at my bare butt" who should sidle up next to our table in his sweats but the real live Jimmer Fredette? As I watched the ten or so Asians, every single female in Yogurtland, and the starstruck manager mob Jimmer for a picture , I contemplated the magical aspects that my dreams and Yogurtland could have in the future. What if from now on when I want to see a famous person, I just sit down across from Sel and say "So then Josh Groban/Regina Spektor/Ingrid Michaelson/J.K. Rowling/Simon Baker is looking at my bare butt" and then BAM they walk into Yogurtland :)

The possibilities are endless...

If a huge onslaught of people now go to Yogurtland (considering I have such a HUGE number of individuals who read this)..okay so if twelve people now go to Yogurtland to see if they can get their favorite famous person to walk in, I should receive some sort of promotional commission.

Happy Yogurting!

L

Instead Of

This entry is not what you think. You might be reading it going, "Wow, this is just a giant vent posted for the entire internet world to see and judge L for her negative attitude by" I hate to be the one to break this to you, but you couldn't be more incorrect. This is ACTUALLY an entry about how awesome I feel about my life at this very beautiful hour of 1:15AM.

So...

Instead of telling you how my computer power cord has been stolen by the same devilish creatures who stole my graphing calculator and Sel's bike, I will tell you about the tasty chicken sandwich Sel made for our lunch today.

Instead of telling you that not having my power cord has taken away my chance at signing up for next semester classes, I will tell you about how Sel, Pam, and I just ate popcorn and talked about patronuses.

Instead of telling you about how Sel and I got all geared up to sign up for my classes on his computer and instead watched as the same outlandish error reappeared every blasted time we clicked add, I will tel you about how Kit brought me a whole bunch of Zotz and graced me with her beautiful presence

Instead of telling you how I am still sitting here twenty minutes after trying to log back in on my roommates sloth like computer, I will tell you about how fun it was to talk to my baby sister today.

Instead of cringing as I publicly admit I should have listened to my father's advice to NOT take my religion class, I will tell you about how I am still right despite my father's advice. Somehow

Instead of commencing a doll genocide to express my deep loathing and overpowering disdain for the hours of life my Living Prophets project has stolen from me, I will tell you about how I still plan to commence a doll genocide to make the world a better, safer, and less creepy place

Instead of telling you how I failed to do something I REALLY needed to do to rid myself of building animosity, I will tell you how my Home Teachers came and reminded me to be optimistic and love everyone even if they stretch your patience beyond what you thought possible

Instead of telling you how pointless my physics lab was today, I will tell you about how Dr. Stokes swore in front of the entire class.

Instead of telling you that tomorrow I have a Biomechanics quiz at 8AM, a previously mentioned Living Prophets project of satanic proportions due at 9AM, a bandaging quiz I am nowhere near prepared for at 12PM, office hours from 2:00PM-5:00PM and my Technical Writing Group Presentation tomorrow at 5:15PM, I will tell you about how D and I had a jolly good time stalking famous people on Facebook

Instead of telling you about how I also have to fit my 7 mile repeats workout in to my life tomorrow, I will tell you about how the woman who birthed me is going to come out in May to help me find a toga for the wedding.

Instead of worrying about my ability to restrain myself for attacking anyone tomorrow that looks at my sleep deprived, stressed out, unshowered, frustrated, orange hating, cordless, classless, calculatorless self, I am going to embrace the opportunity to have my face splashed across the Daily Universe with the heading, "BYU Student Institutionalized After Attacking 9 Helpless Freshman, 13 Armed Policemen, 96 American Girl Dolls, and All Fuzzy Creatures Within a 5-Mile Radius of Campus"

Now, don't you feel inspired by my extreme optimism in less than circumstances? Go ahead and smile the day away knowing life is one big ball of joyful happenings because you weren't attacked by a neurotic, highly trained, unshowered college student.

L

Anthropology: The Study of Primordial Beasts

Note: Post title was chosen from a student's response from last semester. Contrary to popular belief, Anthropology is not the study of primordial beasts ;)

Most people I know have at least one negative thing to say about their job. For me, I spend most of my time wishing my main responsibility in life was being an Anthropology TA. If you really wanted me to chose something I dislike, it would be grading papers. Wait, I mean putting off grading papers until the night before my last lecture. Last night I spent a good six hours finishing up grading and wanted to show the world my accomplishments. After many failed attempts to take the perfect picture to illustrate my pain, I ended up putting my weary head down on my mountain of papers only to be disturbed by a flash a few moments later. Turns out I turned on the "take two" option and BAM goal accomplished.

Let me break down for you why my job is pretty much the best.

1. Dr. Crandall. Wears sweater vests everyday. He speaks in a faux British accent. He makes students feel uncomfortable as he asks questions about their "attachments, origins, and aspirations" when they volunteer to say the prayer. Spanks, punishes, and gives birthing massages to students depending on the lecture. Provides ample quotes of hilarity. Gets to go to Africa almost every year to visit the Himba (I want to go SO bad).Uses his sarcasm and higher intellect to poke a little bit of fun at innocent, unknowing students.

Here is a tiny sample of Dr. Crandall quotes from this semester (these are taken from lectures where you pretty much just had to be there to fully appreciate them):

"For some reason, people all over the world are attracted to stories of big bags of potatoes winning British Idol"

"It was like a 1960's sex bash. Willey Nilley, it was a great time."

"The breasts of a woman are the sweet meats for American men to derive pleasure from"

2. My Students: My section this semester is phenomenal. I have been blessed to always have great sections, but this one really raised the bar for future victims of my lecturing. They contribute to discussions. They write interesting papers. They say things in their papers that make me laugh. They turn things in on time and put effort into doing well. They chose YouTube videos that enhance my life with laughter and are excellent and applying it somehow, someway to Anthropology. My new favorite aspect of this section is the response I got to a joke about attaching chocolate to their most recent eight page paper in order to get full credit. I received a Lindt Bar, a Reese's, a Hershey bar, and a packet of M&M's. Needless to say, they have become the highest honored section in the TA hall of fame.

Favorite quotes from this semester' social-cultural students:

"I have received social sanctions from adults at church before in regard to having long hair. It is of course a big misunderstanding because Jesus had long hair and I was just trying to be like Him"

"Although Dr. Crandall seems to disregard the scientific method..."

"I got out of the Harmless People that being a Bushman would really, really, suck"

"Himba women give birth in Africa. That is pretty unique. Bet no one in here has done that"

"Some American traditions may seem wrong or savage to the Ilongot head hunters, such as pre-marital sex."

"If everyone were wholly feminine, the world would be very static with very little progress and nothing would get accomplished"

Aw! I am going to miss them. Today, as previously mentioned, was my last lecture with them. I brought bagels and they brought on the intellectual discussion about healthcare systems and the government freeze. I know it is an overly cliche saying, but my students ALWAYS teach me more than I could ever dream of teaching them. Not a single student said anything negative in my evaluations today which probably means the bagel tactic of putting them in a good mood worked. Bit of advice for anyone who cares: If you give free food to people, they will automatically like you better despite your shortcomings. This is a fail proof way to get people to say nice things about you so you don't get fired-unless of course you are giving free food to an anorexic.

To understand a bit more about what they endured, here are some of the topics we discussed in my class.

Incest

Cross-cousin marriage

Vampires

Haitian Zombies

Kinship in Soap Operas

Polyandry/Polygamy

Auto Cannibalism

Infanticide

I could easily explain how each of the seemingly non-academic topics relate to anthropology, but instead I am going to encourage you to take a class yourself. :) I will find it astounding if you regret it. You might even get free food out of it if you do!

Won't That be Fun in the Bathtub

I need to briefly talk about someone I love dearly. If I were to describe this woman in one word it would be Charitable. I have never met a person more willing to sacrifice EVERYTHING for ANYONE. Even the crazy crack addict neighbors who let their pit bulls roam this senior citizen's backyard. This is the woman I am talking about...

Just so you can try and appreciate a bit about my grandma, here are some facts about her.

1. My grandma is notorious for making things called "Candy Cups" for every family get together. She spends copious amounts of time buying all forms of small cup like containers to fill with all sorts of delicious candy.

2. She sends out cards for every single holiday to everyone she knows. I can generally expect a card every month from her. I recently received a Happy Saint Patrick's Day card and will undoubtedly get a Happy Easter card in a few weeks.

3. My beyond sweet grandma also happens to be racist. She is the most politically incorrect being I interact with, but she loves everyone despite what her choice vocabulary may sometimes imply.

4. She wakes up two or three hours before the sun does

5. She is a hard core chocolate addict. Current Fridge Contents: Old cheese, ketchup, relish, 2 pounds of chocolate, cupcakes, and chocolate covered pretzels. My grandma swears by eating a bit of chocolate every single day. This is by far the most appealing advice I have ever received

6. Grams is one heck of a tough cookie. She refuses to let anyone do anything for her. She once fell out of a tree breaking both of her legs and then belly crawled into the house to politely ask my grandfather if he was too busy to drive her to the hospital.

7. She makes the tastiest food in the entire world. Eating at my grandma's house was my childhood. I could easily take in a three pounds of rolls, green bean casserole, funeral potatoes and Wanda cookies in one sitting. Hence why I resembled the Pillsbury dough boy for a significant portion of my adolescence...

8. My grandma was and continues to be a babe. She was proposed to five times before my perfect grandfather finally won her fair heart. After my grandpa passed away, some of Utah's finest senior bachelors attempted to woo my lovely grandmother by taking her on Jazzi rides on the town and bringing her craisins.

9. My grandma is hilarious. She is famous for her some of the comments she makes. My new favorite is in relation to the color of my soon to be cousin's wedding dress. When my aunt told my grams Ky's dress is cream, my grandma was distraught. She asked my aunt if she was afraid that the whole neighborhood was going to be talking about whether Ky was a hooker or not because she wasn't wearing a white dress:)

10. My grandma (as hinted at earlier) LOVES holidays. She decks out her entire lawn and front room for nearly every holiday with "whirly gigs" and lawn ornaments. She also has a concrete goose equipped with every holiday outfit you could ever imagine a concrete goose could want. My grams likes to share her lawn ornament passion by giving them to her family members as gifts. Below is a picture of my gorgeous cuz and I holding my uncle's brand spankin new lawn birds. My other favorite gift to my now 56-year-old uncle: A wind up scuba diver bath toy.

Go ahead. Be jealous you don't have a grandma like mine. Wait, she would probably adopt you anyway. Go ahead and celebrate the existence of CANDY CUPS!

Stick It To the Man

I love this picture. Sel and I walked around Wal-Mart with our matching mustaches at midnight on Saturday and awed the late night shoppers. This man is my favorite person probably ever.

Yesterday, a truly beautiful thing happened in the Eyring Building. As thirty or so admirable physics students reviewed today's lab, a thought blossomed in a few of their heads. Band together to teach physics lab a lesson. Stick it to the "Man" (the embittered physics major who gets a power trip from marking students half a letter grade off on their lab reports for not putting "m", "kg", "nm", "your mom" on every single numerical value instead of grading them on the correctness of the values they spent the entire lab period on). I have never enjoyed a lab more today. The camaraderie forged as each lab group was assigned a different portion of the lab instead of each group doing the entire lab on their lonesome almost made me cry. It was more beautiful than a double rainbow. More delicious than a giant bowl of raspberries. More satisfying than eating Sars ice-cream without her knowing. You think I am taking this a little too far? Well, I will put it in perspective for you. I normally leave lab wondering why in the world anyone ever thought it would be worthwhile for me to spend three hours aligning lenses with a slit of light. Or why anyone expected me to learn something valuable from drawing colored magnetic field lines on a graph. Or why someone thought I could apply even a portion of what I learned in lab to real life. Mostly, physics lab leaves me in a less than pleasant mood. Today, I didn't just leave with a smile on my face. I left LAUGHING. Yup, I laughed as I walked out the door knowing Section 08 won a very important battle in the war against the Man.

Earth's Frame of Reference

I have a roommate who has contracted insomnia this semester. You might be saying to yourself, "Insomnia is not a communicable disease." Well, since I am the one with the Ph.D I am going to have to disagree with you. Current studies have shown when one patient who sleeps in the same room has insomnia, the other roommate will undoubtedly contract it also. This is due to the high blood pressure rises caused when the previously undiagnosed roommate fails consistently despite her desperate efforts to not wake her Ambien medicated zombie roommate. The studies have indicated those insomniacs who wake up when anyone breathes within a 2 mile radius will sit straight up, check their phone and then spread their insomnia to their unsuspecting roommate.

Moving on from the lengthy reason for why I am still awake despite my intense desire to be sleeping.

This was a physics problem I did today that has changed my life

"Suppose we are on our way to Proxima Centauri, which is 4.2 ly away. We are in a space ship traveling at 0.99689c. When we are half-way there, we send a signal to both the earth and Proxima Centauri. In the reference frame of the earth and Proxima Centauri, both signals travel 2.1 ly and thus arrive at their destinations at the same time. (a) In our reference frame, how long does it take for the signal to reach earth? Remember that in our reference frame, the distance between earth and Proxima Centauri is less than 4.2 ly due to length contraction."

The Answer: Justification for my complete lack of productivity this week.

My new best friend Scott The Physics TA who stayed an hour past his shift to help Sel and I, explained how this works to me.

Scott: Dear L, please list for me all the things you did this week that were ridiculously fun, though unproductive.

L: I tried on wedding dresses on Wednesday for two hours with D

I drove Broadway Rose to her rehearsal instead of going to English

I went out to frozen yogurt with Son of Anders instead of doing physics homework

I slept for longer than five hours a night when I really didn't have time to do so

I went to Zumba Tone when I should have been writing my super duper exciting English paper on medical thermometers.

I had a pizza party with my roommates and other amazing people instead of reading my physics chapter

I ate green spaghetti tonight with some people I love to celebrate St. Patrick's Day

I cleaned our kitchen, bathroom and living room to avoid doing my Biomechanics homework

I found my wedding dress with Kit today

Scott: What?! Tell me you have a picture.

Me: Eat your heart out Scotty Boy

Beautiful, right? It is perfect because I have four slaves (bridesmaids) to hold it up. The boutique was having a St. Patrick's Day special. I could keep as many leprachuans as I could fit under my dress.

Me: Oh yeah. Last thing. My ward, as the entire world already knows, is the best there ever was. I came home from Zumba in the pouring rain only to find some fantastic friends of mine having a slip in slide on the front lawn. I decided to do it instead of grading my mountain of papers.

Sel being "invisible" and my proof that I did the slip and slide (more like the run and land flat on your face in the mud)

Scott: Well L and Sel. Actually Sel, you look like a motivated, intelligent, organized, logical, and attractive student. You don't really need this answer to justify your actions. L, the best part of relativity is the frame of reference. The earth in this situation has a different frame of reference than the space ship. This means that whatever you did in your frame of reference was actually beneficial to your life. You are going to ace not only this class, but all of your other classes. You are going to buy that beautiful wedding dress tomorrow and love it. You are going to be named world's most astounding physicist, philosopher, and politician (The P-Cubed Award).

Scott, Sel and I are probably going to be getting spicy nugs and some Michael Jackson's every Tuesday and Thursday from now on to celebrate our many achievements in our frame of reference.

Shout out to my good friend Albert for all the fun ideas I have been learning about. Miss you buddy!

L

The Relativity of My Campaign Platform

I should be pouring over my physics book to try and comprehend the theory of relativity right now. I should also be doing my lab write up...whoops. I have decided, however, to instead blog about my new desire to have twins. Here are some valid and logical reasons why anyone should want to have twins
1. You could send one of your twins to space for twenty years and see if the theory of relativity actually effects his or her biological clock.
2-100. Other reasons I can't think of because I am too excited about the idea of sending one of my kids (Fred or George) off to space and having them come back twenty years later looking only a year or two older.

I would now like to change directions and announce some very exiting news. Yes, even more exciting than the theory of relativity.
I am going to run for the BYU 2011-2012 student body president

My platform: How apparation will eliminate global warming, solve the obesity epidemic, save the rain forest and create world peace.

My desire to step into the political spotlight was inspired by the Llama walking around on campus and Sel's comment of how Cecil (current BYU president) should allow on campus apparation. I knew from the moment Sel said those words, someone had to do something. That someone is me. Here are a few things I am promising to change in pursuit of improving the lives of my fellow BYU students.

1. I promise that every student will be allowed to apparte under my dominion. Imagine a world where you can wake up ten minutes before class and still make it on time without huffing it up Mount Everest?

2. I promise that every student will receive their own personal (free) Llama. Imagine a world where instead of crying because you don't have a dollar to give to the Choose to Give foundation in order to pet a Llama, you just reach over and give your fluffy best friend a neck pat. Additional pluses to having your own Llama.

a. If you walk to campus in flip flops and shorts in the morning and come out of your evening class to hail, snow, rain, or a tornado, then you can politely ask your Llama for some fur to make a waterproof Peruvian coat. If you have a particularly generous Llama, you could even ask for enough fur to make a matching hat and mittens to go with your new coat.
b. Little known fact. Llama's have wings. They generally don't use them when they feel under appreciated by the human race. Ask yourself, "What have I done today to make a Llama feel appreciated?" If your answer was, "Nothing" then you now understand better why you have never seen a Llama fly.

3. I promise to eliminate the parking problem in P-town. I will distribute authorized portkeys to all registered students and faculty members for their off campus travels. This will eliminate the need for cars and, therefore, the need for evil doughnut eating, bike riding police men who write billions of unnecessary parking tickets. This act will have far reaching effects.

a. Save the Rain forest. This will be accomplished by reducing parking tickets from a billion to zero.

b. Create World Peace. As all know, the political tension between us and the Ents has almost lead to full out nuclear warfare on many occasions. Once we stop chopping down trees to make useless parking tickets, the Ents will realize we are actually their friends and we will all have a pizza party together
c. Solve the Obesity Epidemic. What do you do when you can't find parking? You park four blocks away in a sketchy neighborhood and then walk what feels like a hundred miles home, up- hill in the rain with a dementor breathing down your back. The second you get home, you then gorge on the ice-cream pie your roommate made so you can get back at the hill that stole your calories. This act of circular vengeance won't happen once portkeys are distributed.


d. Eliminate Global Warming. No need for cars. No need for gasoline. No need for repetitive high school research papers on how burning fossil fuels may or may not be the cause of global warming.

As I have just proved, voting for me will solve nearly all of the world's current problems. Do you want to tell your children that you voted for the woman who saved the world or for her BYUSA opponents who promised better service weeks? Save the world: Vote for L.

L

A Bit About Kit

The first time I met Kit (mistakenly referred to as Caboodle in past posts) was at a rugby game. She was just coming off the field after dominating at rugby and at life. She sat right down next to me and started a friendly, comfortable conversation. Later on (I actually can't remember if this was another rugby game-they all blurred together after awhile), we attempted to catch a wandering kitten together. Ever since meeting her, she has been a ray of happiness. How many people do you meet who will agree to snatch a likely rabid feline with you?

Here are some really fantastic things about Kit:

1. She is naturally gorgeous. This is sometimes a less than fantastic thing for me cause then I feel it necessary to up my hygiene so I can look half as beautiful as she normally does.

2. She is brilliant. A common trend amongst my future tribe (Sel's direct family). She is majoring in one of the most difficult majors. Despite how hard it can be, she continues to prove not only her intelligence, but her intense perseverance.

3. Athletic. She might look like a sweet, blonde angel, but watch out. I have seen this girl play rugby (easily one of the most brutal sports every) and walleyball. I would have ALWAYS wanted to be on Kit's dodgeball, kickball, hopscotch, unicorn attack team in elementary school. Make that at any school actually.

4. Kit is hilarious. She speaks in these voices (mostly one) sometimes that I find myself subconsciously replicating (or attempting to). She also finds similar things I find funny funny. Which obviously means she has an excellent humor.

5. Kit is kind. While I could go on and on about her, I am going to focus on this Kit Trait. About a month ago, Kit told me she had bought me a present that I was going to love. She was so excited that she told Sel, Caboodle, RoyaleWhiz, Dwise, and Pam all about it before I even got a hint of what it could be. She had mentioned before it was something I would wonder how I have lived without before. Of course she was right. Kit is always right. Please behold the most wonderful gift probably ever (Wow! SO maybe I have been using that phrase a lot. Can you blame me? Sel/Sel's Tribe has gifted me a Venus Fly Trap, Josh Groban tickets, Glitter Toes, their Second Born Son as a marital sacrifice, and now This?)

For all who know what is pictured above, you are officially a member of the Coolest People on Earth Club.

Say what?! Is that me holding Xenophilius Lovegood's deathly hallows necklace?

Proof!!!! This is proof that Hogwarts exists! This is proof that magic exists! This is proof that I am marrying into a wizarding family! Go ahead. Guess who I am dressing up as for the FINAL HP premier?

I called my mother to tell her about above happy news and this is our conversation

Ma: "That's great sweetie! Are you going to wear it with your wedding dress? (Amused chortle of thinking she was really clever in suggesting such a ludicrous idea)

Me: "OH MY GOSH! I didn't even think of that! That's awesome!"

Ma: No. I was kidding.

Me: I know. I am going to though

Ma: Just promise you and Sel won't name your children things from Harry Potter. Like Hermione or Severus.

Me: I will make no such promise. But guess what?! Sel and I chose our favorite elements the other day and then decided to name our children after the founders of Arsenic and Chlorine (our favorite elements). Guess what they are?

Ma: Not a clue

Me: Magnus and Miriam. Except I hate the name Miriam..Mom! I can name them Magnus and Malfoy. Little grandbaby Malfoy.

Ma: Pained sigh. You are a complete geek my child.

Love you Mom!

Love you Harry Potter!

Love you Kit (my soon to be sister!!!!)

Sel Threatens Grobbers

(Meant to post this a few days ago, but got a bit distracted ;)

I try not to inundate the internet world with my ranting, but a very dire situation occurred yesterday that has forced my typing hand. My dear mother has a very interesting way of telling me bad news. She will usually ask me a question along the lines of "Do you want to hear the worst thing in the world?" or "Do you want to know something that will make you terribly upset?". I generally respond with "No mother. Why would I want to hear anything along those lines....(long silent pause on the line)..sigh, just tell me". My olive skinned mother relayed her worst news yet to me in our conversation and now I am dealing with a big fat dilemma. Before I get to the bad news, I need to establish some things so all can really feel the pity my case demands.

My sophomore year in high school was probably my favorite. It also happened to be my most hectic year.

....(so Sel just changed the whole direction of this post by knocking on my door!!!!!) :) :) :) :) My leading up to the news that was terrible is still relevant. Back to my sophomore year. My daily schedule went a bit like this

5:30AM Roll out of bed

6:00-7:00AM Seminary

7:30-2:30PM School

2:30-3:00PM Make a brief appearance at my various clubs (Yeah for Key Club, German Club, French Club, Thespian Society. Boo for NHS)

3:00-5:45PM Cross-country practice

6:00-9:00PM 42nd Street Rehearsal (Good thing I knew how to tap dance and sing and be musically gifted. NOT. Still one of the most fun things I ever did in high school though. I usually showed up to rehearsal in my running spandex which led to me wearing spandex, moon boots and my dad's old sweatshirts the rest of my high school career. Go ahead. Ask me if I was attractive.)

9:00-12:00AM Homework/Studying/Shower maybe eat something

It was crazy. One day after a particularly grueling workout (1000m repeats at OU), my coach pulledme aside and told me I needed to pick up my pace if I wanted to run at States. As I crawled into the Beast, I felt overwhelmed with my life. I did the thing I probably did best in high school and am doing pretty okay at still. I started bawling my eyes out. This is the moment when I met him. The most perfect voice in the world started singing, "You are loved. Don't give up" From that moment, we were inseparable. He went with me on runs. Rode with me on the bus. Sang me to sleep. Made road trips joyful. Taught me lyrics in French and Italian. Let me fall when I needed to. Until quite recently, it was only his every album and two or three musicals gracing my ipod library. We finally decided to marry. The only problem was he had decided to only tour in Europe for five years. He told me it was because I was his muse and he was afraid upon meeting me his heart wrenching songs about love would lose their deep, beautiful emotion. We agreed to get married anyway in 2014 in Rome, Italy in the new LDS temple and have a reception at the Sistine chapel. Then along came Sel. I had to have a bit of a talk with my long time companion, Josh Groban. He understood and we decided we would still be friends. The fates would have it that he decided to FINALLY (after five and half blasted years of following the Josh Groban Fan website) to come to America. Mostly to see my wedding and do a bit of singing on the side. He forgot to talk to me about details and ended up scheduling his performance in Salt Lake on August 13th-the day Sel and I were planning our Idaho Falls reception. I knew it was because Josh was still in love with me and was trying to make me chose between him and Sel. I ran to Sel's house to tell him the news. I maybe cried a bit. He thought I was a bit crazy. Then Sel proved for the millioneth time why he is the most amazing man in the whole world-infinitely better than my singing ex. He called Josh. He threatened to beat him up unless he changed the concert date. Josh was frightened, but there were some legal things he simply couldn't change. So Sel decided to be the bigger man and just buy tickets for us (to make everything right between our triangle of love) and change the reception to Tuesday. :)

Looks like there are two seats near the stage reserved for Mr. & Mrs. Sel and I can barely contain my happiness at the thought. Poor Josh. He is going to be SO jealous! ;)

(Josh being depressed about losing me to a much better man)

(Sel returning happily home from a day at sea)

Facing Your Reptilian Fears and Hunting The Weak

We all have our irrational fears. My sister goes into cardiac arrest at the sight of a daddy long leg. My mom's eyes bug out and she mutters under her breath whenever she sees a starling. My grandma fears anyone who isn't Caucasian. I stiffen with fear and anxiety when I hear the word "shopping" or "mall".

This last week, Sel organized an intervention to address the irrational fear of Paper Animal Maker(PAM). Pam is terrified of velociraptors.

(Pam being afraid of Velociraptors- I

am 2/15 velociraptor)

To help him overcome this disabling fear, Sel banded together some of his closest friends to support him (Caboodle and Kit along with magnificent others). We met in a building on campus after telling Pam we would all decide on a movie once everyone was there. Sel and I brought the expertly sculpted raptor cookies he made and the frosting Dwise helped me make for the event.

Once there, everyone took their seats and Pam was called to sit in the front of the room. Sel explained our deep love for him and desire for him to live a happy, fear free life.

We forced him to sit down amongst his supporters and started the treatment: "Jurassic Park". In one of the first scenes, Dr. Grant has a the following conversation with a young boy:

Dr. Alan Grant: Try to imagine yourself in the Cretaceous Period. You get your first look at this "six foot turkey" as you enter a clearing. He moves like a bird, lightly, bobbing his head. And you keep still because you think that maybe his visual acuity is based on movement like T-Rex - he'll lose you if you don't move. But no, not Velociraptor. You stare at him, and he just stares right back. And that's when the attack comes. Not from the front, but from the side,[makes 'whoshing' sound] from the other two 'raptors you didn't even know were there. Because Velociraptor's a pack hunter, you see, he uses coordinated attack patterns and he is out in force today. And he slashes at you with this... a six-inch retractable claw, like a razor, on the the middle toe. He doesn't bother to bite your jugular like a lion, say... no no. He slashes at you here... or here... or maybe across the belly, spilling your intestines. The point is... you are alive when they start to eat you. So you know... try to show a little respect.

After watching this scene, I better understand how and why Pam has accquired less than positive feelings toward these creatures.

Another recent happening. In my religion class, we discussed how Elder L. Tom Perry is enthusiastically friendly. He will sidle up to strangers and strike up a random, but genuine conversation with them. After discussing this fact, he challenged us to "look around you as you walk on campus today. Look for those people who look weak and sad. Follow them for a distance, slow your pace, then pay them a genuine compliment and start a conversation with them. Report back next class period." This is what I interpreted his wording as

"Find weak beings. Stalk them. Frighten them. Force them to be uncomfortable."

What I actually did was strike up conversations with anyone walking next to me instead of hunting down the weak ones. Here are the new friends I made

1. A boy in my Advanced Health class who actually coaches the BYU cross country team and runs quite a bit himself. He is married and doesn't think the new Harvard study about the "footy" shoes is ever going to be accepted by American society.

2. A girl I met in the hallway has a sweet boyfriend who paid his artistic friends to make the coolest shoes I have probably ever seen.

3. (Favorite) A retired Biology/Zoology professor on his way to measure the wing span of dead birds. He wishes he had waited four more years to retire so he didn't have to come back to campus all the time to finish up his research.

4. The subway cashier who was having a really long day, but was loving the pay he was getting.

5. A boy in my English class who loves to rap, blogs about his dating failures, and enjoys doing math and buying apple products.

I have decided to extend this project for the rest of the semester. I am going to adjust it a bit so I end up using a bow and arrow. The arrows will have post it notes with "Would You Rather?" questions attached to them. The victim I hit HAS to answer the question or his/her family will be kidnapped and dangled over hot lava until they answer.

L