Declarations of a King: The B-Mont Horror Film

The first of my travels over the past few weeks started the last day of finals. I got the chance to go on a road trip with my honorary sisters to Oregon for Sars wedding to Bri Guy. Oregon is absolutely stunning as was Sars. The forever long thirteen hour drive was actually a blast because B-Rose, D, Lys, and I were having some fun adventures along the way. One of the adventures of note was getting lost in the perfect town for a horror film. “Texas Chainsaw Massacre”, “The Wiggles Movie”, or “House of Wax” might have been more appropriately filmed here (I never actually saw these, but my sister tells me they were pretty creepy especially the Wiggles one). Everything was run down and not a soul was around (sound the trumpets now for my brief moment of rhyming skills…those are wrong trumpets) on the only road the town of fifteen creepy individuals was proudly displaying. We all kept waiting for a bloody body to fling itself onto the hood of the car as the four helpless college girls clung desperately to their last few moments of life. Of course all of our hair and make-up would be flawless and we would do exactly what everyone watching us would acknowledge as the dumbest thing any human being could ever possibly imagine to do in that situation. Maybe I can still follow in my father’s footsteps and write horror novels/films… Anyway, the wedding day was beautiful, but absolutely exhausting. The girls and I got to the hotel around 3:00AM. Of course we had to stay up a bit longer to hear all about Sars last minute wedding plans and have the shots of cider we missed out on doing for her birthday. Poor Sars and Lys got about an hour of sleep and D, B-Rose and I got about an hour and a half. Waking up was reminiscent of the time a lunatic tied me to the train tracks and I not only got run over by the train, but it malfunctioned over my mangled body and the five ton hunk of metal continued to crush my bones for an hour before a crane came to my rescue. I had never felt so tired in my life. Can you even imagine how Sars made it through not just any old day, but her Wedding day on that little of sleep. Instead of channeling “The Haunting” or “Insomnia” in suit with the theme of horror films, Sars was stunning and not driven mad by the abusive ghost of her great-grandfather. The LDS Portland temple was also stunning. If you are ever in the Portland area and want to see something breathtakingly beautiful, I would encourage you to check it out. After Sars and Bri made their grand entrance onto the grounds as Mr. & Mrs., they took a whole bunch of pictures. We tried to look pretty enough to stand close to her and then we rushed away to help set up for the reception and luncheon. The luncheon was delicious and the reception went perfectly. We started to fall asleep though if we sat longer than ten minutes so it was lucky we didn’t do much sitting that day. We must have looked insane to the other guests as these four random girls cried while our beloved Sars danced with her Dad and Bri at the end of the night. We had spent the first part of the reception decking out Sars and Bri’s car with scrawled inside jokes on their windows and randomly dancing to songs of the playlist. We all stood in the parking lot as they drove away and felt lonely without the girl who has been with us for three years. The horror film “Abandoned” came to mind except our father didn’t abandon our little girls selves fueling our future reaction to kill off our boyfriends when they realized we were psychopaths. We had planned to spend the rest of our night ordering a pizza and watching “Tangled”, but we were barely awake enough to drive to the hotel. The weekend of April 22^nd was magnificent. It marked an ending and beginning to so many things. I am very happy it didn’t mark an ending to our lives as it seemed it might at points J

Here is a sample of how lovely and non-horror film worthy the wedding was.

My Parents. They wanted one of those crying rubber babies to practice parenthood on, but the shipment magically got sent to Russia and they had to settle on taking care of me instead.