I don't have many OCD tendencies. I don't have any germ phobias or clean freakiness going on. When I was little though, I almost went into cardiac arrest if I stepped on a crack. Not because I believed the silly saying that I would break my mother's back, but because I was pretty sure the Goosebump movie about giant earth worms existing was factual. I knew the second I stepped on a crack, a giant earth worm was going to plot its revenge against me. It likely wouldn't take me in broad daylight, but it would slowly tally up the number of times I stepped on a crack. It would wait until I was alone at sunset, use its monstrous body to burst through the earth and drag me down into one of its unending tunnels of misery. It would then review the number of times I had stepped on a crack and take a bite out of my tiny body for every careless footfall. The more times I had stepped on cracks, the more painful and slow my death by earth worm would be.
Now that I am wiser, I have now come up with a new version of this saying. "Don't single handedly break every piece of technology in Watson or you will break your tailbone" Instead of explaining exactly what I mean by this saying, I am going to need to give you some background information. There is a rare, but very real curse given to those in the human race who are truly brilliant. This curse prevents the brilliant from taking over the universe in a matter of days and leaving the human population reeling. The curse is given in the form of a technology allergen. It keeps those who could progress technology far beyond what has currently reached by preventing them from using any modern forms of technology. The allergen causes the following symptoms: computers to crash or emit high pitched noises, scanners to malfunction, cars to destruct, blenders to produce poison, television sets to inexplicably break, cell phones to run away from the owner or break recently after purchase, and garage door openers to somehow open every other garage door on the block except your own. I am a victim of this allergen. That, or my parents aren't telling me I am part robot. OR they aren't telling me I am an alien from another planet and my biological parents are trying to contact me via Earth technology which is far inferior to my planet's technology causing any form of technology they are trying to use to malfunction.
My technology allergen has been beneficial in a few ways. It usually means I don't have to do as much for group projects because everyone is afraid I will destruct weeks of work with the single graze of my finger. It has also helped me make friends with IT people. Yesterday, I spent a lovely hour or so with my IT friend trying to fix the scanner I broke. The following comment from him is the inspiration for this post.
Now that I am wiser, I have now come up with a new version of this saying. "Don't single handedly break every piece of technology in Watson or you will break your tailbone" Instead of explaining exactly what I mean by this saying, I am going to need to give you some background information. There is a rare, but very real curse given to those in the human race who are truly brilliant. This curse prevents the brilliant from taking over the universe in a matter of days and leaving the human population reeling. The curse is given in the form of a technology allergen. It keeps those who could progress technology far beyond what has currently reached by preventing them from using any modern forms of technology. The allergen causes the following symptoms: computers to crash or emit high pitched noises, scanners to malfunction, cars to destruct, blenders to produce poison, television sets to inexplicably break, cell phones to run away from the owner or break recently after purchase, and garage door openers to somehow open every other garage door on the block except your own. I am a victim of this allergen. That, or my parents aren't telling me I am part robot. OR they aren't telling me I am an alien from another planet and my biological parents are trying to contact me via Earth technology which is far inferior to my planet's technology causing any form of technology they are trying to use to malfunction.
My technology allergen has been beneficial in a few ways. It usually means I don't have to do as much for group projects because everyone is afraid I will destruct weeks of work with the single graze of my finger. It has also helped me make friends with IT people. Yesterday, I spent a lovely hour or so with my IT friend trying to fix the scanner I broke. The following comment from him is the inspiration for this post.
Me: (on the phone) Hi IT friend! Are you busy right now?
Friend: Your computer crashed again?
Me: No. I maybe broke the NDA scanner...
Friend: Be there in five.
Friend: (In NDA room) This is so peculiar. I have never seen an error like this before
Me: Yeah...I don't know what I did. I didn't push any buttons I don't normally use...
Friend: You know what I just noticed? We seem to encounter the most abnormal IT problems when you are here.
Me: Really? Oh...well. That's weird.
Except it's not actually weird cause it has been happening my whole life. This is the first time an IT person verbally acknowledged my abnormality though. This then helped me look back on last summer when my other IT friend was constantly at my desk trying to patch up my most recent technological genocide. This IT friend is an adventurous soul and also very kind. One day after he had spent about an hour re-repairing my computer, he goes "Hey, so we are going skydiving on Saturday and I signed you up to come too". What was I supposed to say? "Gee, no. Sorry you've likely spent about thirty hours recessitating my technology victims, but no". I also thought it might be fun. It really was fun, until my instructor and I crash landed breaking my tail bone and three of his vertebrae. Why exactly we landed the way we did is still a bit of a mystery, but I am pretty sure it was "The Revenge of Technology" on its predator and innocent bystanding instructor. My greatest fear now is wondering what "The Revenge of Technology" sequel will hold...:)
L
Lauren I feel your pain. I'm constantly messing computers and computer like gadgets up even after people tell me how to use them. It's just not fair. I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who tries so hard with no avail :)
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